The Spirit-filled Run

Both my small group and my Sunday morning class have been studying Romans.  This is one of my favorite books, full of many things I love to hear and many things I'm still trying to understand, so I always enjoy hanging out there.  One Sunday morning in class I had my Bible open to the chapter in Romans we were studying and as I glanced down I noticed a little devo on the next page.  It talked about how we don't often know what we should say or how to say what we should say when talking to God.  We have questions and thank yous and requests and we try to keep our thoughts neatly organized and devoted to the act of prayer but... it doesn't always work.

But then the writer reminded the reader that we don't always have to have our prayers in a nice, neat, orderly package for God.  We have this wonderful Holy Spirit that He left us with, that will intercede for us (Romans 8:26-27).  I never really understood that.  I mean I sort of grasped it but, I wasn't sure what the Spirit was or would say that I wasn't or couldn't say.

After my run the other night, however, I think I caught a glimpse of what it means for the Holy Spirit to talk to God for me, to tell Him what I'm trying to say.  I had just finished running, something I feel even more grateful for during these ever-changing days of pregnancy, and I was walking slowly, cooling down.  I felt triumphant to have started and finished my run, I felt good and refreshed.  I was thrilled to be pregnant with a little one, thrilled to be married to such a wonderful man who would be such a great dad too.  I was enjoying the warmer temperatures immensely, feeling more alive with the coming of spring.  As I began to tell God all these things and just how grateful I was and that I knew I was undeserving, which made me even more grateful, I looked up (which sort of makes sense to me when praying) and saw a sky glittering with stars.  My thoughts and prayers were interrupted by the beauty above and then I was grateful for that too!  Undeserving and thankful and happy and excited and hopeful and overwhelmed trying to get my point across to my amazing Creator Who would take time to listen to me...

And I just couldn't.  I didn't have enough words to cover the feelings.  Then I remembered Romans and what I had read about the Spirit.  So smiled and admired the stars again and decided that the point had been made.  God knew and understood, and what I couldn't say had been said for me as my heart would say it. It could all be jumbled up into this mass of undeserving overwhelmed happiness and joy, and God would know what I meant.

Now, I'm not a Bible scholar.  So if that is not what Paul meant when he wrote about the Spirit, then I'll be right back at square one of not really getting it, but knowing and believing the Spirit is in me, doing Its (His?) thing.  But if the Spirit can handle my weakness and groanings... I have a feeling all those other things can be communicated as well.  So I'll just add that to my jumbled up mass of gratefulness too.

PPRs and Bigger Pants

This past Saturday I ran my first race since being pregnant.  The morning was sunny and cold, about 35 degrees at the start, and I debated over what to wear.  I have grown tired of running tights because they squeeze (and show) the little bump, and running shorts are SO much more comfortable.  I opted for my green running shorts, a red long-sleeved Nike shirt, and a blue Lole vest to keep the wind out.  Multi-colored gloves (which I accidentally left at home), penguin socks (for luck), race bib # 616 and I was ready to go!

Or so I thought... I thought I knew the location of the race.  It started at 8:00 a.m. and I got to the place I thought it was being held at 7:55 (that's what a girl gets for taking too long to get dressed!).  The race was not there.  I quickly looked up the race website on my phone, saw that it was further down the road, and tried to get there in time. I was so mad at myself for not leaving earlier and I was so disappointed that I might miss my first race while pregnant!

I found the real location and parked my car at 8:00a.m. on the dot.  I could hear someone talking over the loud speaker, and I hoped the race had not started.  A friendly gentlemen saw me running toward the start line and pointed me toward a shortcut between two baseball fields.  I made it to the start out of breath, just in time for the National Anthem... and to actually run the race.  I laughed with relief as I realized I had not missed it and I had no time to feel cold in my shorts.  It was time to run!

The race itself was great.  I was a little cautious as I ran and held a somewhat comfortable pace, allowing myself to push just a little. My finishing time was 27:06 and I was proud of that as I hurried off to the next activity of the day.  Jason was being inducted into an honors society and it started at 10:00a.m.  I made a mad dash to the University Fitness Center, showered there (realizing I forgot to pack my shoes), and made my way to the engineering building on campus to meet him.  On the way I received a text from my friend Julia saying I had won 3rd place in my age group.  I laughed as I told Jason our little one had won their first race.

I watched Jason's induction, looking snazzy in my khaki pants, penguin socks and tennis shoes, and then we went out for lunch.  We ate at Jason's Deli and then I talked Jason into shopping for maternity clothes.  Yep.  I broke down and bought some bigger pants.  It had to be done.  Being between 16 and 17 weeks, the little one has grown big enough to cause all of my pants to be tight and uncomfortable around my waist.  I purchased a Beband, which allows me to wear my pants unbuttoned without falling down, but I knew it wouldn't be long before I needed something more.

We hit up Old Navy at Bridgestreet and I tried on every single maternity item they had. I bought two tank tops to go under cardigans (and actually cover the belly), a pair of jean shorts, a pair of denim capris, a pair of khaki cargo pants, and a bright, spring-like cardigan (not in the maternity section).  It was so fun, especially since the maternity section was right next to the tiny newborn section.  Oh the cuteness! 

Jason and I followed up our shopping trip with a movie before heading home for some dinner and relaxation. I quickly made my way to the couch with my book, feeling like I'd run much more than a 5k. All in all, it was a wonderful day, one I want to remember as it contained my first PPR, a surprising win, and the first purchase of maternity clothes.  Next weekend I'll be running another 5k, and the goal will be to get there on time and see if me and this little one can beat our first PPR.

Eating and Pregnancy

Once word of my pregnancy got out, friends often asked me what I've been craving and if I've had any unusual or crazy cravings.  I really haven't.  Most of the things I like to eat, I have always liked to eat.  I've had some crazy food aversions, like my new distaste for hot beverages, but other than that there hasn't been much out of the ordinary. 

For a while all I wanted was cereal, so I bought several kinds and usually ate it for breakfast and dinner (much to Jason's dismay).  Once I got through the weirdness of the first trimester, my desire for cereal diminished (somewhat) and was replaced by the craving for fruit and fried chicken.  These two things made my taste buds sing and dance, and while I tried not to indulge in fried chicken too often (mostly Chick-fil-a or Zaxbys), I bought all the fruit I could find in season, eating large amounts in one sitting.  I figured I couldn't really overdo it on the fruit and my "what to expect" book said that fruit eased morning sickness, was a good substitute when vegetables were hard to get down, and helped with the myriad of other strange pregnancy symptoms.  I tried to get some vegetables at dinner, but they were never very appealing so I went with the fruit substitution thing.

Before I got pregnant I ate pretty well, but believed that when I was pregnant I would be motivated to eat even better.  After all, I'd be eating for a little one's health and development as well, and I just knew that would be enough motivation to keep me on the straight and narrow where nutrition was concerned.  I didn't take into account that constant fatigue would affect what I wanted to eat and how much effort I was willing to put in to what I ate, or that I would long for Chick-fil-a every day.  I didn't plan on a full time job, coaching with Running Start, LLC, attending fitness courses at UAH, and pregnancy all at the same time, but it just sort of happened that way.  So when I'm not doing one of those things, I am sleeping.  Or thinking about sleeping. I can hardly get through 1 hour of TV these days without beginning to long for my bed (talk about cravings!).

So what is busy pregnant lady to do when it comes to eating right?  Well, I have some strategies.  First, I enlist the help of my sweet husband when it comes to dinner.  Last week he cooked almost every meal we ate.  This week we kind of fell off the wagon, so I'm already planning what I will do about next week.  And that is another strategy for a busy pregnant lady and eating right.  PLAN!  I will make a grocery list and make a trip Saturday or Sunday.  Then I will plan out quick and healthy meals for each night (crockpots help tremendously).  I will buy lots of fresh, easily portable fruit for lunches, along with healthy options that are also easily packed in a lunch box (soups, beans, rice, frozen meals, yogurt, cottage cheese, nuts), reading labels to make sure ingredients are good for me and a growing little one.

Drinks are also important with a pregnant runner and a training husband.  I feel like I am ALWAYS thirsty these days.  I drink a lot of water but I get tired of it too.  I look for drinks that have some nutrients but nothing harmful in them, and I have to watch for caffeine amounts too.  Some favorites are Honest Tea (green tea with honey or white tea with peach) and Honest Kids drink boxes (I know, we are adults but these fruity drinks are just enough to quench our thirst with refreshing flavor and only 40 calories per bag).  I like Simply Orange Juice and Simply Grapefruit Juice, and in the summer I indulge in Simply Lemonade and Limeade too.  I will occasionally drink a Sobe Lifewater, doing my best to make sure ingredients are okay, and I also brew green tea at home with a touch of honey in it.  And of course, there is the daily iced coffee, but that is more for enjoyment than nutritional value.

Some other helpful articles on eating while pregnant can be found below.  Check them out for helpful tips and insights into keeping mom and baby as healthy as possible!

What to Expect - Planning Meals During Pregnancy

What to Expect - Eating Well During Pregnancy Week by Week

Fit Pregnancy - Tell Me What to Eat

Fit Pregnancy - Amazing Grains

Sunshine on my Shoulders...

In the south we have this crazy wintery/springy/sunshiny/rainy mix of weather and you never know what each day will hold because you can't really compare it to the day before.  This also makes it hard to know what to wear.  Especially if you are pregnant, holding out as long as you can on purchasing preggo clothes, and down to 2 pairs of jeans and a skirt.  But, on those days when the sun is out and the temperature rises just enough to feel lovely... these are the days I LOVE! 

Yesterday was that kind of day. Instead of working on my RRCA exam during lunch, I headed outside for a lunchtime walk in the sunshine.  I'm sure I looked like I was about to break out into song at any moment, but I didn't care.  I had to look up and smile and soak it in. 

And then there are days like today.  Today it is supposed to rain so it started out sort of sunny/patchy/cloudy and windy, with dark menacing clouds moving in slowly as the afternoon progressed.  On these days I feel sneaky when I get my run in AND feel the sunshine on my shoulders all before the rain shows up...like while the weather's back was turned, I made the most of the nice bits. 

This morning I walked with a client and then ran some miles on my own.  The morning was chilly, but not overly so, and it felt good to be out in it.  This afternoon, I took my usual walk over to the cafe on campus for my daily iced coffee and wouldn't you know it... it was that moment when the sun peaked through and warmed my shoulders!  Of course, by the time I made my way back to the office, the sun had gone in and the wind was going in full force.  But that was okay.  I had a run and the sun.  So take that. 

Now my lunch is over and I'm off to a conference of sorts where my department has a booth that I must man.  I'm not super big on booth manning because...well... you know how I feel about stupid questions and you get a lot of them when you man a booth.  Especially from really intelligent engineers (I'm so sorry if you are one, I mean no harm - I'm married to one after all) who know more than I do about what I do and what should be done.  (Note, I have had my iced coffee, sunshine, prayer and I have the promise of my book later so...I shouldn't bite anyone's head off...in theory).  AND to make matters all the more annoying there are no SNACKS!  How can you send a pregnant lady to work for 3.5 hours in a snack-less place?? 

But like I said... I got my run AND some sun so I think I can handle it.  I hope you experienced some things that bring you joy today. If not... go get one!

Mean Ole Pregnant Ladies and Good Books

So I have discovered that being pregnant is sort of like having constant PMS.  I have never liked blaming bad behavior (meanness, impatience, unkind thoughts, etc) on hormones, but I've got to say that some days it feels like I am mad at the world for no reason at all.  And I'm telling myself, "Jane!  You have SO MUCH to be excited about, why in the world are you grouchy?"  And I've got nothing in response except that I just am. 

I snap at Jason and I HATE doing that. He has been the sweetest man lately and I know I don't always make it easy.  People get on my nerves quickly. I experience mild road rage, along with really mean thoughts when people ask me stupid questions about being pregnant or give me unsolicited advice that doesn't apply to me.  Pride wells up inside when people I don't believe know anything tell me what they think I should do. I smile and nod but in my head I am thinking... well, it is not very nice what I am thinking.

Then I step back and think, "Jane! Whoa! What is up?"  Even if I don't actually SAY these things out loud and no one knows the names I am calling them in my head, it isn't right to have them in my head in the first place!  I want my heart to be filled with kindness, patience and love, not cutting remarks to people who don't mean any harm. Surely there is a way to battle hormones or whatever it is that makes me feel so mean.  So, I've come up with some strategies.

1. Prayer.  This helps a lot.  I talk to God about it and slowly whatever is wound so tight lets go, giving way to more peaceful, kinder thoughts toward mankind.
2. Sunshine.  If there is sunshine outside, I go and get some.  And breathe.
3. Iced coffees.  Per the doc's recommendation about caffeine, I allow myself one caffeinated beverage a day.  When necessary, this is an iced coffee and these ALWAYS make me feel better.
4. Sense of humor.  I have a good one, so I try to use it when people say stupid things.  If it is funny, it is not so annoying. 
5. Good books.  This is my newest strategy and if the book is a good one, it provides me somewhere else to go besides my own head and it provides a break from whatever is bothering me.  My current book selection is perfect for this purpose.

So what is my current selection?  Well it is a book (or series, rather) I read while in college called The Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers.  The first book is called, "A Voice in the Wind."  Not only does this book humble me when I'm feeling prideful and remind me of how wonderful my life is, but the main character is amazing.  She's not even real and she is still so life-changing.  She is so human and so Christ-like, that I can identify with her while at the same time being so moved by how she deals with her own humanness and how she turns to God for everything. 

It has been a while since I have been so enthralled by a book that I can't wait to pick it up again.  I used to experience this all the time, devouring books almost as fast as I could devour lunch, but the last year or so it  seems so difficult to find anything I feel is worth reading.  I have a stack of unfinished books on my bedside table and that used to be unheard of for me.  I had no idea I could experience this feeling again simply by revisiting my own bookshelves. 

So when I'm feeling mean, ungrateful, unkind and prideful, I turn to the character of Hadassah and I am reminded of who I want to be, no matter what sort of hormones are raging inside.  It is refreshing, entertaining, distracting, and renewing... maybe even faith building (a reoccurring theme for me, of late).  If you haven't read this series, I would suggest it.  I have turned into kind of a book snob, and so a lot of Christian fiction gets on my nerves because it seems to be bad writing published because the authors were Christians (an oversimplification, probably but there it is).  This series, however, stands apart.  It is not only powerful, but well written.  So even if you aren't a mean ole pregnant lady, you might still enjoy and gain much from reading this one.

Case in Point*

This morning I had planned to run with my girls.  They were meeting at 5:30, which is 30 minutes later than usual.  That is kind of a big deal, especially to this pregnant lady!  I awoke a few minutes before my alarm and laid there thinking. Since I'm slower than I used to be and usually get slower and slower as a run progresses, and since I also need a pit stop by mile 3, I wasn't sure joining the girls was such a good idea, even though I really wanted to see them.  So I got up and got dressed, but I didn't leave until 5:30 so that the girls would already be running by the time I got there.

I was looking forward to a 6 miler.  For some reason 6 miles is the magic number that makes me feel like I'm still the pre-pregnant me.  Not that I want to be the pre-pregnant me, so I can't really explain that, but it makes me feel like I can still run.  Or something.  For some time now 6 miles has been my fall-back day or my "whatever" day and even an easy run during certain training seasons, so I find myself wanting to hang on to that distance for dear life.  These days I rarely have enough time or energy for a 6 miler, so I thought this morning was my chance.

My first mistake was starting out too fast.  Before I was pregnant this pace would have been fine, but with a baby on board my steam runs out a lot quicker than it used to, so I've got to conserve even on shorter runs.  I passed pit stop #1 and decided I could make it a bit further before I needed it.  I made for pit stop #2, which was only about a half mile from the first one.  I made my pit stop and headed back toward my car, thinking of routes to get me to 6 miles before I got there.

When I was about 3.5 miles out, the steam was gone.  At first I thought I'd have 6 miles when I got back to my car, but I soon realized I would only have 5.  I was sort of disappointed and I thought I'd go the long way to add that mile, but I also knew the smartest thing was to run straight back.  I was right.  By the time I got to my car, I was worn out.

To describe it for those who have not run while pregnant, it feels a lot like the end of a long run (not one of those amazing ones, but the one that for some reason doesn't go well). It doesn't hurt, but my legs feel heavy and tired, drained of energy.  Or maybe it is like the day after a long run when you go for a few miles and you haven't recovered enough to rebuild your energy stores. No pain, but no umph either.  I have felt this feeling many times when not pregnant, but it is still disheartening to get there so quickly these days.

And I don't really have a lot to compare it too as far as other pregnant runners go.  Some women stop running very early in their pregnancy (and I can certainly understand why).  Some women run a little the whole way through (my personal goal) and some women run half-marathons and marathons up to the very end (I'm not sure whether I should admire this or shake my head).  It is just like with non-pregnant runners.  Everyone is different, so I can only do what this body says I can do.

Jason is very encouraging when it comes to this.  He makes me feel good about whatever mileage or workout I am able to do, always assuring me it was plenty and to listen to my body.  He is often the voice of reason when I want to do more than I should, and he is often (dare I say always?) right.  I'm grateful for that, even if in the moment I roll my eyes and say testily, "I'm fine!" 

Still, as I walked around the parking lot after my run, I saw the gorgeous sunrise that was waiting to be noticed.  Even if I'd done only 1 mile, that sight would have been worth it.  My feelings of disappointment soon gave way to the much preferred ones of gratitude.  I'd gotten out for an early morning run, and that takes some doing these days.  I'd seen a lovely sunrise, and it has been a while since I've enjoyed one of those.  Despite not going my desired distance I had still gotten some exercise and that is always a triumph.  And after work I could go straight home and hang with Jason, and that will be a first for this week. 

As I drove home, I was not so disappointed.  I was even sort of proud of myself for doing my run in the morning.  I decided my reward would be an iced coffee (a new craving of late) at some point during the day, and that made the whole going-to-work thing not so bad either.

*This post is an example of what I briefly mentioned in the previous post, Random Bits about Running and Pregnancy, although I really have no idea what "case in point" means and I feel bad about that since I am (was) an English major and we are supposed to know everything about the English language.

The Random Bits About Running and Pregnancy

In the first two months of pregnancy I spent my time gazing at the calendar and trying not to worry about every little thing that could go wrong.  I prayed about this a lot.  Could it be that God's answer after that wonderful day of hearing the heartbeat was to keep me so busy that I had no time to worry and calendar watch?  I don't pretend to understand God's ways, but lets just say I have not been sitting around and worrying.  I'd like to think part of that is the building of a stronger faith - putting my trust in God into practice every day like I'd planned.  But I think part of it is plain old distraction.

My weeks literally FLY by.  I go to work from 8-5 and follow that with a client session, Just Run It, or my Essentials of Personal Training class which are all things I enjoy thoroughly and usually make up my favorite part of each day.  The only night I go straight home after work is Friday... for now.  Whenever I can, I hit up the grocery store so that Jason, me and the wee one have nutritious options for lunch and dinner. You would think this would be easy, but it isn't. Because throwing in a grocery store visit without forethought or a list means I buy things we already have and forget the bananas and milk.

I squeeze in a run whenever I can and I find myself grateful for even a few blissful miles no matter how I get them or what the pace might be.  The other day I was actually excited that my hair appointment got cancelled opening up a 2 hour span of time for me to get home, get on my running digs and get in 5 miles before class. 

And when I'm not doing all that, I'm sleeping the sleep of a dead woman.  I go to bed around 8:30 most nights and I'm asleep within minutes.  Even so, I only sleep until 3 or 4 a.m. when I wake up to use the bathroom...which is a constant activity these days.  I've started planning my running routes to take me near a restroom around mile 4 because I know I won't be able to make 5 or 6 miles without a pit stop (and I still have to go when I get home). It is sort of annoying, but then I remember the reason for all these pit stops and I don't really mind.

My belly is slo o o o wly growing.  The bump watch continues every morning and I'm just now starting to see it stick out where it did not before.  Even if it weirds me out a little, it is still kind of cool to watch.  I'm still wearing my non-training clothes, which are the clothes that fit when I'm not marathon and ultra training.  This is promising since I'm trying to wait on the maternity clothes until the weather turns warmer and stays that way.  It has sort of become a game lately to see how long I can hold out.  I saw a cute maternity top in Target the other night and almost bought it... but I knew I wasn't ready to wear it and I wanted to see how long I could go before I had to purchase something.

I've had to learn to chill out a little when it comes to running.  I'm sort of in love with my running log and my mileage numbers, and it is sometimes hard to watch them drop so low and to still feel like I ran the usual amount.  My comfort is the little one growing inside, and it only takes a few moments for me to circle around to thinking about him or her before I give myself a break and let it be what it is. My weight gain is still in the healthy, appropriate range for my height, age and previous weight, so all is well on that front. 

And that, my dear readers, is your update on the random bits about running and pregnancy.

RRCA Coaching Course

I spent this past weekend sitting in a racquetball court with about 35 other people, listening to a coach named Janet talk to us about all things coaching.  The Road Runners Club of America puts on this course to assist coaches like me coach the general populace of runners.  When I say general populace, I mean regular people like myself who have either desire or talent or both, to improve their running (to clarify, I have mostly desire). Whether it is a brand new runner fresh off the couch or a marathon runner who wants to qualify for Boston, these runners fit my idea of the general populace of runners (even though it is quite broad).

This course was absolutely fascinating.  Much of the exercise physiology (our first topic) was a review of what I've been learning in my courses at UAH, but some of it was new.  There is something powerful, I believe, in knowing what is going on inside the body and how to use that knowledge to become a better runner.  The more I learned, the more eager I was to use what I knew. I wanted to train for something, using all of the new information I had.  I wanted to train others using this information. I wanted to test it, to see it in action.

I drank in the information and thought about it in reference to my own training, Jason's training, and the training of my fellow runners. I could see where I'd gone wrong and I could see where everything had worked out perfectly right.  And now I knew WHY.  Ah, knowledge is such power.

I'd love to test myself, but right now the goal is to stay fit through pregnancy. In the meantime I cannot WAIT to work with others.  I started with a new client last night and have already put my knowledge and training strategy to use in our discussion of her plan, and I will continue to do so as I create it.  I am just so PUMPED!

Like with many topics, running can be controversial.  Talk about running form, shoes, and training strategy and you can quickly heat up a room. So I like to hear what is said, take it home and mull. If I come to the conclusion that it has merit, I like to test it.

I think the RRCA course has merit and lots of it.  It has not only fueled my desire and confidence that I can reach some of my own goals, but it has also fueled the desire and confidence that I can get others there as well. I've learned not only how to get the body to work for the runner, but how to work with runners and be a better, more efficient coach.

The next step for me is to take and pass the 100 question test (which I will do this weekend) and submit my CPR and First Aid certificates, and I will officially be an RRCA certified coach.  And as such, I am ready to WORK!

Just Run It!

Last year my place of employment had a fitness contest called Just Move It.  My department had a team and it was great fun to see everyone work a little harder, lose unwanted weight, and find something active they enjoyed doing on a regular basis.  This year when it came time to start the contest again, I was asked if I would lead a 5k training group for those who were participating in Just Move It.  I was all over that!

We came up with a plan and a time frame, and wrote out a questionnaire for the runners to fill out so I'd have a general idea of what fitness levels I'd be working with when I put the training plans together.  We held an introduction meeting to tell all those interested what we would be doing and to answer their questions.  I was unsure how many would show. It is still cold outside, and this community offers a lot of other running programs so I just wasn't sure, but I was hopeful.

Well, when it came time to start the meeting we had OVER 40 PEOPLE show up!  We ran out of chairs!  I told them a little about myself and then I told them about my mom because her story is always inspiring, and then I told them about the program and answered their questions.

I almost danced back to my office.  Even after the meeting I had e-mail inquiries from those who were unable to attend but wanted to get involved.  I spent the rest of my lunch break reading the questionnaires and sorting them into run/walk and run categories. Then I wrote 2 training plans geared toward both groups so that runners could choose a starting point that worked for their fitness level. 

The plans call for running 4 times a week, with 2 cross training days and 1 optional cross training or rest day. My encouragement to them was to fit in at least 3 of those runs each week.  We will run as a group once a week, and I have encouraged them to make plans with other runners for other group runs during the week. I am going to try to organize some other group runs as well as my schedule allows.

I am so excited about this!  We start running next week and I cannot wait!  My goal is not only to help these new runners train for the 5k in April, but to hopefully share with them an activity they enjoy.  Enjoying what you do makes it so much easier to be disciplined about it, and as I and so many others have seen, there are countless benefits when one falls in love with running and becomes a runner. 

Scaling Back

I'm not going to lie, scaling back on the ole running is sometimes difficult.  I say sometimes because other times I am quite happy to get that extra sleep in the morning or lie on the couch thinking about the clothes I could (should?) be folding which would make lying on the couch seem more productive.  Building a baby for the first time sort of makes me feel like my body now has a mind of its own and will tell me what I am going to do next.  Being a runner, I'm sort of used to telling my body what we will be doing so this is a switch.

That said, I would not change the state of things.  No sir ree.  If building a baby means I'm tired more often and run a little less, that is fine with me.  Extra fine.  But scaling back still takes some getting used to.

I feel it a little when I total my weekly mileage and the numbers are so small.  I'm back to my pre-Jason days when I was running in a month what he was running in a week.  I'm grateful to be out running, but the numbers sometimes make me sigh.

I felt it again recently when I had to change my race plans.  Jason and I have a new favorite trip/race that we like to do every year and it is a half-marathon.  Last year I PR'd there, finishing in 1:44.  This year I won't even be able to go the distance and I'll be doing the 5k instead.  I debated for a while and I read about NYC Running Mama doing a half-marathon at 28 weeks, which was further along than I would be for my half marathon.  She did fine, but she talked about the last 3 miles being tough and how it took her several days to recover after she did it.  She didn't make it sound totally worth it.

Taking that into consideration along with the fact that I haven't run over 8 miles in several weeks, along with how I usually have to pee somewhere around 4 miles into a run, and how long it takes me to recover from a 5 miler... I know it is not a good idea.  Still...I've seen and read of so many other women who have done it that it makes me wonder if I could too.

But the decision has been made and I will do the 5k.  It is still nice to be able to participate in the event and it is always fun to see Jason finish and cheer for him.  I can start a log of 5k PPRs (Pregnancy Personal Records), which is just plain fun, and I will have a safe and happy little baby (currently the size of a lemon, so they say) growing in my belly.  That right there makes scaling back totally and unarguably worth it.

It's a Baby, not a Box of Donuts

I feel like women in the beginning of their 2nd trimester should have a t-shirt or a pin to put on their coat that says, "It's a baby, not a box of donuts."  As I slowly put on a few pounds (either from lessening the weekly mileage or pregnancy or both), from time to time I wanted to explain that I was not hitting the donuts extra hard, I was pregnant!  It was (and still is) like I wanted to carry that caveat written somewhere on my person to... explain things. Of course, getting to tell everyone I was pregnant made me feel better as my waistline expanded.

Especially when it came to my running clothes!  Right now is the season for calf tights and long sleeve tops and ALL are tight (and if they weren't before, they are more so now)!  So if a belly is there, it is OUT there.  I don't have a serious bump yet and when I first get up in the morning I wonder where a lemon-sized little person is supposed to be.  Jason says he can tell it is a little different, but I cannot always see it.

Until I eat something that is... and then it looks (and feels) like, instead of a bowl of cereal with banana cut up in it, I ate 3 value meals at McDonald's.  Jason hands me my glass of orange juice and I take a deep breath and wonder where I am going to put it.  It is the strangest thing.

And then there's getting dressed for work in the mornings.  My clothes still fit, but they are tighter and when I feel like I just ate 3 value meals at McDonald's, I do not want anything tight on my person.  I have a few pairs of jeans, a few dress pants and one skirt that were a bit too loose and now that is what I am wearing.  Jeans on a random Thursday.  I figure if anyone at work says anything I can use the pregnancy card.  With a pitiful look on my face.

I'm not quite ready for maternity clothes yet and I think the Bellaband might be my next step (I'm already unbuttoning my jeans after I eat and just trying to remember before I leave my office).  While all of this is funny and exciting, especially the morning bump inspection, it also makes me mindful of my weight.  I know weight gain is good and necessary during pregnancy, but I also want to stay within the healthy, appropriate parameters of weight gain, for both myself and the baby.

I haven't really changed my eating habits much except to watch caffeine intake and to avoid the foods my doctor says pregnant women should not have.  I do eat more fruit than I used to and try to drink plenty of water (which isn't too hard since I am always thirsty).  A pregnant woman in her 2nd trimester only needs about 300-400 more calories a day than what she was eating before, despite the whole "eating for two" phrase we often hear.  

And so it is on with the 2nd trimester and the bump watch.  I figure as long as I eat right and get some exercise each day, all will be as it should.

Running While Pregnant

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've kept running since learning I was pregnant.  Upon seeing those fabulous pink lines on the pregnancy test, I called my ob/gyn to ask if pregnancy tests were reliable because I had a 50 mile race in a week and I wasn't going to do it if I was pregnant.  She told me the tests were reliable, but she also said I could keep doing what I was doing.  I wondered if she had heard me.  I wanted to say, "I said 50, as in 5-0..." but I left it at that, knowing I would not run a 50 mile race with a brand new little blueberry forming in my belly, even if a doctor said I could.  Maybe it really would be fine, but it took me a long time to get pregnant and I was not going to risk it.  I also knew Jason was uncomfortable with the idea and it was his baby too, so I wanted to respect his concern.

Still, she did say I could keep doing what I was doing.  That meant I could keep running.  I don't know about other pregnant runners, but my constant fatigue became a problem when it came to the weekly mileage I had been logging up to that point (averaging mid 40s usually).  Once I got pregnant, I could run an 8-miler at a good pace, but it took me a day or two to recover from it, as if I had run much farther.  When I noticed this, I started spacing out my runs so that I had a day between each one for my body to recover (and so I would not fall asleep in meetings at work...which happened once).  Getting up at 4:45a.m. also became a challenge, but I pushed through it when I could.

After a few weeks, I began to slow my pace in order to go the distance I wanted, which was usually 6-7 miles.  If I ran a sub 9:00 pace, I'd end up only making it 3-5 before my legs felt tired and rubbery.  Now, at week 13+ I am still running 6-7 miles every other day and if I run in between those days, the distance is shorter.  My comfortable pace is anywhere between a 9:40-10:30 and I can usually last the distance if I slow to that pace.  I've also found that I run stronger in the afternoons than I do in the mornings. My weekly totals now range from 20-30 miles each week, which would be almost half of what I was running before pregnant.

In the earlier weeks, running helped me feel so much better, especially where the nausea was concerned.  When I ran I felt the closest to normal and I loved it.  I loved being able to run, feel good and strong, and a few times I felt that my body still contained the 50 mile training it had done up to that point.  It was (and is) my time to get the exercise that is SO important for both mothers and babies, to feel good and to feel like me.  For those moments I was not tired or flabby or nauseated, I was just me running down the road with a tiny little being forming inside. 

In addition to the running, I purchased a set of DVDs for prenatal pilates, yoga, and weights.  The yoga was a little boring and slow, but the weights video was perfect. I have yet to check out the pilates but still plan to do so.  In 48 minutes, I can work most of my muscle groups and in a safe way according to my current trimester.  I try to do this workout 2-3 times a week, between my running days.  Soon I will probably have to purchase another DVD so I don't get bored and quit (which is easy for me to do where weights are concerned).

As long as it is comfortable and safe, I plan and hope to keep this up.  I think it will get a little easier as it gets warmer, however, once it gets hot I will not be allowed to run outside and may turn to swimming or the treadmill.  Each day I run feels like a tiny triumph over fatigue and it seems to push further back the days when I might not be able to do so.  I count each run a blessing.

From Run the Edge, this picture will be my inspiration as I continue to pursue fitness throughout this pregnancy.

I've also found a new bit of inspiration and information at NYC Running Mama.  Reading of her experiences running through pregnancy has really encouraged and inspired me to run on!

The Crazy Pregnant Lady and Her Faithful Friends

So, around week 11 (or, to be honest, before that even) I began to want desperately to know that my baby was still alive and well, growing and forming and doing all the things that a little 2.5 inch large plum was supposed to be doing.  (In my "What to Expect" book, they describe each week's growth by fruit size).  I was nearing the blessed land of the second trimester when, according to my books and websites and iphone apps, a pregnancy would be in a safer zone, and as an added bonus several of the unpleasant symptoms of the first trimester might to go away.

I had a doctor's appointment at week 12.5 where they would do a full check-up, have my blood work results (checking for all the issues and diseases I could not pronounce), and listen to the baby's heartbeat.  I was quite literally LIVING for this appointment.  After this appointment I knew I could feel more secure in my pregnancy, and Jason and I planned to tell everyone then that we were pregnant.

The closer I got to my appointment, however, the crazier I became.  My first trimester symptoms - the strange nausea type feeling in my stomach, sore breasts, and extreme tiredness - began to subside and instead of being thankful and thrilled, I freaked out!  I'd gotten so tired of feeling sick and tired and so ready to feel normal again, that when my wish was finally granted, I wanted my symptoms back because I was afraid it meant something horrible for them to go away.

I spoke to God about all of this on a regular basis.  I'd never really known how weak my faith was until I became pregnant.  Surely it was not right to worry so much.  I knew I was going to have to strengthen my faith if I wanted to survive this thing called motherhood, but it seemed like all I was doing was praying worried, hand-wringing prayers about the baby.

One day at work when I allowed the worry to get particularly heavy, I called Jason.  His calm reassurance and faith that always seems stronger than mine made me feel better.  I also e-mailed my mom and my sister, and Mom responded to me with this:

Let me just say that I think being pregnant has gotten a bad rap. You are blessed to be feeling so well but it is not unusual.  I have no memories of feeling badly when I was pregnant.  I was excited and happy and I felt really well. I was not fearful of losing the baby or something being wrong with it. I did not feel sick or tired or any of the stuff that some people feel. I think it is a matter of genes and health. You are healthy and happy and that means a great deal when a child is growing inside your body.  All is well, do not question it...do not live in fear that something is wrong.  Take each day as it comes and live in faith that this child will be healthy and happy like you.  Stress is probably the worst thing that we can do to our bodies, so don't let yourself go there.  Fear is a terrible thing and it robs humans of some beautiful times so don't let it get you.  

I love you, dear child of mine, and when you were in my belly, I felt great!!!

The morning of my second appointment I ran with the girls and admitted to some of my crazy worries and google searches.  Katie e-mailed later that morning with this:

I felt so bad about your worries today.  I wanted to give you encouragement, but I am sure the good visit today will really help put your mind at ease!  Let me say one thing as a caution: Don't let what might be take away from the joy of what is.  You will never have a "beginning of your 2nd trimester of your 1st baby" ever again.  Let yourself get excited and happy.  Google is an AWFUL place to look for answers and reassurance!!  I did the same thing all through my pregnancy with Nate.  Look at him now!!!!  Also, the worries never stop. These days, it's "I wonder if I'm making the right choice about his schooling."  Soon it will be, "I hope he's careful driving the car" or "How are we going to afford college?"  Worry will eat away at your joy if you let it.  Just take it a day at a time.

I will be thinking and praying about you today!

Armed with this encouragement, I headed to my 12.5 week doctor's appointment to find out how I was doing.  Jason met me there and we didn't have to wait long before my name was called.  They took me back to listen to the heartbeat first (thank goodness) and I laid back and stared up at the ceiling as a nurse moved the doppler device over my belly.  The light above me had a tile over it that looked like the sky with white clouds on a background of blue.  I stared up at it as if to the Heavens and waited to hear the blessed sound of my baby's heartbeat.  

And there it was.  A quick, loud heartbeat that wasn't my own.  I grinned at Jason.  I grinned at the nurse. She held the doppler there to let us listen for a moment and relief washed over me.  I said a prayer of thanks to my wonderful Father who had given me this gift and vowed to have stronger faith and trust in Him.  I left my appointment with the knowledge that all was well, and I was ready to tell the WORLD my good news!

I e-mailed my girls from camp and college to share the news with them.  I'd wanted to tell them face to face but our schedules are all crazy and we don't live in the same place so e-mail it was.  My sweet friend, Emily Kyle, wrote me back with this:

Sweet angel.  Here’s a little medical knowledge for the soul:  Remember learning that energy is not created nor destroyed? Same goes with electricity, it’s always conducted on a closed circuit.  Well our hearts run on a similar circuit. Electricity runs on a closed circuit that allows our SA node to fire every time our heart beats.   One of the biggest medical mysteries of all time is that when we were conceived, how… out of nowhere… electricity is magically created and our heart begins to beat.  This defies the laws of science. No one has ever, ever been able to explain it. Why? Because we don’t create life.  God does.  Every baby formed is a little medical miracle… literally.  This little angel growing inside of you is there because God decided (not you) that you’re ready to be a mom.  Our Lord knows you better than you know yourself…  all of your strengths, your imperfections, your sin, and your weaknesses- allll of you.  And in His perfect timing, He has opened your womb.  He has deemed you worthy.  He has declared you ready.  And He has never, never, never been wrong.   If we all waited until we felt like we had enough wisdom and resources to become the perfect parents, there would be no people on earth!  Will you be the perfect parents?  Heck no!  But I’ve learned more from my parents’ imperfections than I have from their strengths.  Why? Because I, too, have fallen short and have needed someone to teach me why/how to pursue holiness despite this overwhelming desire to satisfy my flesh.  And oh we know there is so much freedom and satisfaction in knowing and following Christ!  That’s all your sweet baby needs.  I will be praying for a healthy baby and that you will be able to rest.  and trust.  I am so. so. so. happy for you guys!  Can’t wait to snuggle that little nugget.  Keep me posted on every single detail….

I felt as if God was answering my prayers and worries through the words of my dear, faithful friends and I could not have been more grateful, touched and filled with love.  To be so undeserving and to receive so much well...it was overwhelming and wonderful.  I looked up to the real heavens and said, "thank you" many times that day.  With each new morning I am working on my faith and trust, remaining grateful for all of this, making sure to tell our amazing God just that, and to take the advice of my mom and friends.

The First Ultrasound

Finally, Finally, FINALLY, January 3rd arrived and at 1:00pm I would go in for my very first ultrasound.  I was so excited.  I couldn't sleep at night and when I did sleep, I had dreams of my first doctor's appointment.  I had no idea if I would leave that appointment with joy or sadness and I so desperately wanted it to be joy.

I got to the doctor's office early as requested and sat in an empty waiting room (it was lunch time) and watched The Rescuers on TV until my name was called.  Jason was not there yet and since they called me back a little early, I began to worry that he would miss it.

The nurse started my ultrasound and I immediately saw the baby.  It was the most unbelievably amazing thing I had ever seen.  I assumed it would just be a smear on the screen and the nurse would have to show me which smear was the baby, but in this ultrasound it was quite obvious.  Our little one even wiggled as we watched and I grinned from ear to ear.  Another nurse brought Jason back then and I was so relieved that he would get to see this amazing sight for himself.  He patted my foot as we watched and the nurse took all the measurements she needed.  We could see the little heart beat at 167 bpm and the nurse told us all was looking great and as it should be.

Are there even words in this language to describe how I felt?  Grateful, overwhelmed, ecstatic, amazed, JOYFUL!  We then went to an office to talk with my doctor and nurse practitioner. I just sat there grinning at Jason and staring at my ultrasound pictures until they came.  We talked about upcoming appointments, blood work, and they answered all of my questions.  They gave me a Fit Pregnancy magazine (which I read from cover to cover that night) and all sorts of other coupons and tips for a healthy pregnancy, telling me what I could and could not eat and do.

When we walked out into the hallway, Jason asked me to wait and he pulled a small bag out of his jacket pocket.  He opened the box inside and gave me the most beautiful necklace with a mother and child on it.  He put it around my neck right then, and I was sure I was the happiest, most blessed girl in the world.

We walked outside and there was my mom waiting.  She couldn't help herself, she had to come and so I showed her the pictures and then we went to my sister's house for homemade chocolate chip cookies and to show her the pictures as well.  I told Caroline and Caleb then, and Caroline had sort of guessed since she'd overheard so many of Julie's conversations with me about it.  Caleb looked at my tummy and said he hoped it was a boy.

It was such an amazing day.  A truly amazing, wonderful, blessed day.  I continued to wait and pray until February when the first trimester would be over and I would be supposedly in a more safe place with my pregnancy.  Until then, I gazed at my little one in my ultrasound pictures and smiled.  And smiled and smiled.

Telling

As time passed, slowly but surely, the days crept closer to that first appointment date when I would have my first real appointment since discovering I was pregnant.  I had planned to wait until after this day to tell my family but as I suspected, my habits had changed too drastically for them not to be suspicious. The first sign was the 50 miler I would not be running.  Mom knew I'd run several races on a sore knee and suspected that couldn't be the only reason.  The caffeine thing was also a dead giveaway since I went from being an avid coffee drinker to hardly drinking any at all.  When I did it was decaf.  Those things mixed in with what I did and did not say began to make Mom and Julie suspect so that when I finally told them, they confessed to having suspicions. 

It was SO FUN to finally tell them.  I swore them to secrecy until the first trimester was over and then we could tell the rest of the world including Julie's kiddos.  As time passed and my symptoms continued, I grew more confident in the little blueberry (week 7) growing inside.  I was still so very tired and getting up to run became harder and harder so that I only met the morning crew about once a week.  My breasts were still unbelievably sore and... growing. I also experienced a strange nauseous type feeling after breakfast, which lasted until lunch or afterward.  I lost my appetite for coffee (which I found bizarre and unfortunate) and discovered a love for Sprite and orange juice.

Once Mom and Julie (along with Jason's parents and brother) knew our good news, I had their added prayers to my own and that gave me confidence as well.  I continued to seek the balance between faith and getting my hopes up... I wanted to have faith that God had not given me this new gift only for it to go away, but I knew of so many women who had faith and had lost their first pregnancy, and I couldn't explain that to my mustard seed-sized faith.

But my heart rejoiced in sore breasts, endless tiredness, and nausea because those things meant my blueberry was still growing.  I read on whattoexpect.com about my baby each week and it was fascinating.  I loved telling Jason what I learned and once my family knew, I couldn't wait to talk about it with them.  Every detail, every experience, every thought, every question, every worry... I couldn't wait to tell all things pregnancy to those who were almost as invested as I was in this new little life.

Needless to say, telling helped with the waiting...

Waiting Endless Waiting

Despite my belief that time had suddenly decided to stand still as I waited, it did pass.  Day 27 became 28 and eventually we got to the weekend when time inevitably moves a little faster.  I took more tests and laid them out in a row on the bathroom counter.  I looked at them every day and smiled.

One thing that made the wait even worse was that I started to feel awful. On day 29 I stayed home from work with the worst headache in the world and other aches from head to toe.  I attributed this to a cold since my nose was runny too, and since I had those two pink lines telling me I was pregnant I dared not take any medicine.  I slept through it as best I could and the next day I felt better.

And time slowly ticked by...  We went to see Mom and Dad over the weekend.  I went for a walk with Mom and it was so hard not to just blurt out, "I MIGHT BE PREGNANT!"  But conversations with Mom are always interesting and fun, so our 3.5 mile walk went by quickly without me spilling the beans all over the country road.

Sunday was day 31 and I was still unsure. Still waiting, but I was becoming more confident in those two pink lines. I took a total of 5 tests and they all showed the same thing.  I stopped taking them after that and by day 34 there was still no monthly gift.

There were, however, other gifts.  I started to get so tired and sleepy.  Running became harder and I told myself it was just mental - my brain knowing that women are tired when pregnant - but I also let myself slow down and shorten the distances.  My abdomen ached a lot, but only for short bursts of time, and there were other things that grew and became sore...

Jason and I had so much fun keeping our little secret.  He'd call me at work a few times a day just to ask how I felt.  We both thought about it all the time.  I bought the book, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and read up on all the things that happen in weeks 1-4. 

By day 36 I would be officially 5 weeks and so I went ahead and read allowed to Jason what our baby was doing by week 5-8.  It was amazing to read and as my confidence in my own pregnancy started to grow even more, so came the strong desire for it to be so, for everything to be okay, and for that first 8 week check up to GET HERE!  I only had to wait through Christmas and New Years...