So yesterday afternoon I got a little out of sorts. I wanted to get some exercise but it was 93 degrees outside and I was bored by the idea of hopping on my treadmill (something I MUST get over, I know). I couldn't figure out what to do about dinner, I didn't know when Jason was coming home, and my little girl just wanted to be held (by far the best part of the afternoon). And on top of that, by the late afternoon, this new mama starts to fade. I think that's why a dinner decision seemed so hard.
Jason talked it over with me and I told him that waiting until the afternoon to exercise was too hard. He suggested hopping on the treadmill as soon as we got up and I agreed that was a good plan. He also said if I could be back by 6:00 a.m. in the morning for him to go on his run, I could get mine in that way as well. I had considered this but worried Eloise might wake up between her last early morning feeding and the time I got back. Jason said he didn't mind that.
So this morning Eloise woke up at 3:48 a.m. to eat and I considered my options. If I could get her back to sleep by 5:15, I was going to go. Well, she waited until the VERY last minute to go back to sleep, but she did. I very gently laid her back down before making a mad dash to change into my running clothes and get out the door.
It was still dark. I wasn't thrilled with that but I knew if I wanted to run, I had to make it happen, and that would mean doing things like running in the dark and on the treadmill sometimes. In the past I've always had my running girls so I haven't minded running in the dark, but with Eloise's unpredictable morning schedule and me just getting back into it, I knew I'd be going solo for a while.
I started my watch and began to walk as a warm-up before running. I like to ease my body into it these days, just as I did in my pregnancy. As I started walking, I heard voices behind me and glanced back. I could make out two runners coming down my road, but I couldn't see well enough to recognize who they were. I didn't think they were MY girls because they usually run in a much bigger pack. When they got closer, however, I heard one of them say, "Is that Jane?"
Sure enough, it WAS two of my girls! Kristen and Jan were getting in an 8 miler and just happened to be coming down my road at the exact moment I started my run. I was so excited! I ran a little over a mile with them before they exited my neighborhood and I looped back. It was so fun to run and chat for a bit, catching up on things for a few minutes before parting ways just as it was getting light outside.
I finished my 3 miles just in time to get back by 6:00 so Jason could go for his run. I smiled as I quickly hopped in the shower while my baby still slept. What a lovely morning surprise and a lovely morning run!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
My First Post Baby Run
The journey back has begun. It is a very slow journey, but I'm okay with that. The simple fact that I am moving in that direction is enough for me, and I sort of relish the challenge. I know it will be slow, I know it may be difficult, but I just had a baby (which is way cool in my book) and I've never been on this journey before. So I'm curious, interested and excited about this new experience. I'm being careful and listening to my body, but... let me just say after having Eloise naturally I feel sort of hard core. I look at my future marathons and my next 50 mile and I think, "Yeah, I'm coming for you ..."
So a few days ago Mom came and I took that opportunity to go for a walk. It was the first walk I took on my own and it was lovely! Not that Eloise's and Jason's company isn't great, but there is also something about being alone with my thoughts outside in the sunshine getting some exercise... it was wonderful. While I was walking I decided I wanted to try to run, just to see what it felt like. I ran for about 2-3 minutes during my 1.3 mile walk and it felt good.
Two days later Mom came again and I went for a longer walk. I walked 3 miles and ran 1.5 miles of it. It was AMAZING. It was very hot and I think that is what caused me to stop and walk that last mile more than fatigue or anything, but I was very pleased with that workout all the same. It felt great to be outside, running, getting my heart rate up and sweating! I came home and hopped in the shower before Eloise needed to eat again.
This Saturday I had some sweet family coming to meet Eloise for the first time and I knew I'd be too tired in the afternoon to tackle a hot walk or run, so I decided that if I had a good night with Eloise, I would not go back to bed after her early morning feeding, but head out for a quick walk or run before my guests arrived. I ran the plan by Jason so he'd know I might do that. Sure enough, we had a great night. Eloise let me get 3+ hour stretch of sleep so after I fed her, I changed into my running clothes and headed out. The morning was 70 degrees and a little humid, but it was still much cooler than my other mid-afternoon runs, so it felt great.
The sun was just coming up and the sky was all shades of pink, orange, purple and blue. It had been a while since I saw such a gorgeous sunrise and I smiled as I warmed up. I walked for about 3 minutes before I started to jog. My running pace was anywhere from 10:00-12:00 minute pace depending on if I was running up a hill or on a flat stretch of road. I ran the rest of the way, making my run a little over 2.5 miles for the 3 mile jaunt.
I came home to a baby who had moved from her little chair where she sleeps to her dad's arms. I quickly hopped in the shower before she awoke again and wanted her breakfast. It felt amazing to be up, awake, refreshed by my run and a shower. I fed my little girl and made a cup of coffee.
I didn't run or walk on Sunday, but I plan to get out and do something today. I am soooooo ready for the cooler temperatures to arrive so that these mid-day run/walks can be a little more enjoyable. For now I'm too excited about getting back to it to care much about the heat, but it does slow things down and cause me to have to be a bit more careful. I'm staying super hydrated and still eating plenty to keep up with Eloise's breastfeeding needs.
And that, my friends, is the beginning of my journey back!
So a few days ago Mom came and I took that opportunity to go for a walk. It was the first walk I took on my own and it was lovely! Not that Eloise's and Jason's company isn't great, but there is also something about being alone with my thoughts outside in the sunshine getting some exercise... it was wonderful. While I was walking I decided I wanted to try to run, just to see what it felt like. I ran for about 2-3 minutes during my 1.3 mile walk and it felt good.
Two days later Mom came again and I went for a longer walk. I walked 3 miles and ran 1.5 miles of it. It was AMAZING. It was very hot and I think that is what caused me to stop and walk that last mile more than fatigue or anything, but I was very pleased with that workout all the same. It felt great to be outside, running, getting my heart rate up and sweating! I came home and hopped in the shower before Eloise needed to eat again.
This Saturday I had some sweet family coming to meet Eloise for the first time and I knew I'd be too tired in the afternoon to tackle a hot walk or run, so I decided that if I had a good night with Eloise, I would not go back to bed after her early morning feeding, but head out for a quick walk or run before my guests arrived. I ran the plan by Jason so he'd know I might do that. Sure enough, we had a great night. Eloise let me get 3+ hour stretch of sleep so after I fed her, I changed into my running clothes and headed out. The morning was 70 degrees and a little humid, but it was still much cooler than my other mid-afternoon runs, so it felt great.
The sun was just coming up and the sky was all shades of pink, orange, purple and blue. It had been a while since I saw such a gorgeous sunrise and I smiled as I warmed up. I walked for about 3 minutes before I started to jog. My running pace was anywhere from 10:00-12:00 minute pace depending on if I was running up a hill or on a flat stretch of road. I ran the rest of the way, making my run a little over 2.5 miles for the 3 mile jaunt.
I came home to a baby who had moved from her little chair where she sleeps to her dad's arms. I quickly hopped in the shower before she awoke again and wanted her breakfast. It felt amazing to be up, awake, refreshed by my run and a shower. I fed my little girl and made a cup of coffee.
I didn't run or walk on Sunday, but I plan to get out and do something today. I am soooooo ready for the cooler temperatures to arrive so that these mid-day run/walks can be a little more enjoyable. For now I'm too excited about getting back to it to care much about the heat, but it does slow things down and cause me to have to be a bit more careful. I'm staying super hydrated and still eating plenty to keep up with Eloise's breastfeeding needs.
And that, my friends, is the beginning of my journey back!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Firsts
Since I had Eloise on August 1, I've had fun keeping up with all of her firsts. Mine too, for that matter. I love all of these firsts. Some are little, like her first thunder storm. She was feeding in the middle of the night and it started. It was so peaceful to rock my baby girl while the thunder, lightning and wind raged on outside. I love a good thunderstorm and I hope she will like them too. Other firsts are a little bigger, like the first time we clipped her nails...which needed to be done as soon as she arrived. Those little things grow fast and she scratches her face with them if I don't keep them short.
I made Jason do it the first two times until I got brave enough to give it a go. I've done it every time since so now I'm an old pro.
Her first bath was a few days after we got home from the hospital and she took it really well. Since then she doesn't even fuss, and I am usually very quick. She has a lamb that plays "Jesus loves me" and I talk to her the whole time. I'm still doing a wipe-down bath about once a week, even though her belly button is completely healed and can be submerged in water. I love how fluffy her hair is after a bath and how good she smells. Of course, she always smells good, but that baby soap smell is fresh right after her bath.
We captured pictures of her first family walk, and since then she and I have been on our first walk just the two of us. She slept through the whole thing, but I enjoyed the sunshine, the breeze, and her occasional baby noises. Getting outside during the day has been a daily goal of mine. I think it is important to get that sunlight and exercise for me, and good for her to get used to the stroller seat and to get outside too.
One particularly special first to me was when I sang her her first song. I had a hard time getting through it for a while without getting choked up. Call it hormones or the overwhelming thankfulness I felt when I looked at the perfect baby girl in my arms, but it was about a week before I could sing an entire song without tears flowing freely. The first song had to be just right and when it came to me I had to smile. It was the song I remember my mom singing to me over and over again when I was little, so it had to be the first one for Eloise.
The song is called "Mansions Over the Hilltop" and it is a Church of Christ oldie (or that is how I think of it). It has been years since I've heard it in a church service, but when I was little I heard it fairly often.
"I'm satisfied with just a cottage below, a little silver and a little gold.
But in that city where the ransomed will shine, I want a mansion that's silver lined."
I've got a mansion just over the hilltop in that bright land where we'll never grow old
And someday yonder we will never more wander but walk the streets that are pure as gold."
Whenever I got to the "never grow old" part or the "pure as gold" part, I usually lost my voice and had to whisper it, but Eloise did not seem to mind. Following this song comes another oldie and favorite called "Fountain Free" and after that the reel changes a little with songs like "My Only Hope," "Amazing Grace," "As the Deer," and I tried "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" but I keep mixing up all the lines. Again, Eloise doesn't appear to mind. Eventually I mixed in a little "Crazy" by Patsy Cline and some "Leavin' on a Jet plane" too. And thankfully I can now get through all of the songs just fine.
My firsts have been fun to experience as well. A few days ago Mom came and after I fed Eloise, I went out for a walk all on my own. It was Heaven! The sun on my face, some music in my ears, sweat on my brow, my thoughts free to roam wherever they wanted... I can't really describe it but for those first few minutes I looked like some sort of crazy person walking and smiling and looking around as if outside for the first time ever. On that walk I ran for about 3 minutes just to see what it felt like. It felt good. It felt normal. I only walked 1.3 miles that day, but it was the start I needed. The next day Eloise and I went for that same distance together, and then the next day Mom came again and I did more. I covered 3 miles and ran 1.5 of it. My pace was around 10:45-11:00 during the run, and it was the heat more than anything that made me return to a walk. It felt SO good! After cooling down I tried to run again but my legs were too heavy by that point so I just finished with a good walk. I was pleased with the experience. Pleased and excited.
Its a tiny little start on the road back to the runner I was... and hopefully passed that. But I am just excited to be on the road at all! I don't care how slow the improvement, how small the milestones, as long as I am free to move in that direction, I am content. Eloise and I continue to experience our firsts together and THAT journey is my favorite of all!
I made Jason do it the first two times until I got brave enough to give it a go. I've done it every time since so now I'm an old pro.
Her first bath was a few days after we got home from the hospital and she took it really well. Since then she doesn't even fuss, and I am usually very quick. She has a lamb that plays "Jesus loves me" and I talk to her the whole time. I'm still doing a wipe-down bath about once a week, even though her belly button is completely healed and can be submerged in water. I love how fluffy her hair is after a bath and how good she smells. Of course, she always smells good, but that baby soap smell is fresh right after her bath.
We captured pictures of her first family walk, and since then she and I have been on our first walk just the two of us. She slept through the whole thing, but I enjoyed the sunshine, the breeze, and her occasional baby noises. Getting outside during the day has been a daily goal of mine. I think it is important to get that sunlight and exercise for me, and good for her to get used to the stroller seat and to get outside too.
One particularly special first to me was when I sang her her first song. I had a hard time getting through it for a while without getting choked up. Call it hormones or the overwhelming thankfulness I felt when I looked at the perfect baby girl in my arms, but it was about a week before I could sing an entire song without tears flowing freely. The first song had to be just right and when it came to me I had to smile. It was the song I remember my mom singing to me over and over again when I was little, so it had to be the first one for Eloise.
The song is called "Mansions Over the Hilltop" and it is a Church of Christ oldie (or that is how I think of it). It has been years since I've heard it in a church service, but when I was little I heard it fairly often.
"I'm satisfied with just a cottage below, a little silver and a little gold.
But in that city where the ransomed will shine, I want a mansion that's silver lined."
I've got a mansion just over the hilltop in that bright land where we'll never grow old
And someday yonder we will never more wander but walk the streets that are pure as gold."
Whenever I got to the "never grow old" part or the "pure as gold" part, I usually lost my voice and had to whisper it, but Eloise did not seem to mind. Following this song comes another oldie and favorite called "Fountain Free" and after that the reel changes a little with songs like "My Only Hope," "Amazing Grace," "As the Deer," and I tried "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" but I keep mixing up all the lines. Again, Eloise doesn't appear to mind. Eventually I mixed in a little "Crazy" by Patsy Cline and some "Leavin' on a Jet plane" too. And thankfully I can now get through all of the songs just fine.
My firsts have been fun to experience as well. A few days ago Mom came and after I fed Eloise, I went out for a walk all on my own. It was Heaven! The sun on my face, some music in my ears, sweat on my brow, my thoughts free to roam wherever they wanted... I can't really describe it but for those first few minutes I looked like some sort of crazy person walking and smiling and looking around as if outside for the first time ever. On that walk I ran for about 3 minutes just to see what it felt like. It felt good. It felt normal. I only walked 1.3 miles that day, but it was the start I needed. The next day Eloise and I went for that same distance together, and then the next day Mom came again and I did more. I covered 3 miles and ran 1.5 of it. My pace was around 10:45-11:00 during the run, and it was the heat more than anything that made me return to a walk. It felt SO good! After cooling down I tried to run again but my legs were too heavy by that point so I just finished with a good walk. I was pleased with the experience. Pleased and excited.
Its a tiny little start on the road back to the runner I was... and hopefully passed that. But I am just excited to be on the road at all! I don't care how slow the improvement, how small the milestones, as long as I am free to move in that direction, I am content. Eloise and I continue to experience our firsts together and THAT journey is my favorite of all!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Hard Decisions So Soon?
When Jason and I decided to have a kid, we knew (as much as you can) that the road ahead would be filled with wonderful, amazing, life-changing moments as well as some hard and challenging ones. Such is the life of a parent. We have a strong love for each other and I believe we also have a strong faith in God, and armed with those two things, we decided we were ready (as much as you can be) to take the leap into parenthood.
What I did not anticipate with this leap was that we'd have to make hard parenting decisions right away. I figured once Eloise could walk and talk, we'd have to start teaching her what she could and could not do and the "trouble" she could get into would change as she grew older. We'd have to decide on our method of discipline and be consistent in order to raise a good kid. I knew that would be challenging at times, but we've talked about it at length and will (hopefully) not enter into that stage blindly and without much prayer.
So, in the first week of Eloise's life, when we were faced with a really hard decision, I thought to myself, "So soon?" The decision we faced was what to do about our Boxer, Chance.
We came home with Eloise on a Friday, and by Tuesday we decided we could not impose on my sister any longer (she was keeping Chance for us), and it was time for Chance to come home and meet his new human. I assumed this would be a breeze because Chance has always been great with kids. He loves my niece and nephew and has been to our church's Trunk or Treat event twice, never having any sort of negative reaction to children of all ages and temperaments.
When Chance came home Eloise was asleep in the gated off portion of the house. We let him sniff around and get comfortable until she woke up and then we brought her in to meet him. I held Eloise and we sat on the ottoman, allowing Chance to sniff a little closer. I'm not sure how to describe his reaction exactly. It is one that I've recognized in him often before but never with alarm because...well, it was never aimed at my newborn. When Eloise moved or grunted, he looked as if he was ready to pounce. He looked at her as if she were a bunny or squirrel out on our morning walk, and I was immediately alarmed.
We tried allowing more time but his reaction never changed or settled. We googled dogs and babies and we googled Boxers, only to discover that this issue was in fact common! Mom even reminded me when I told her of our dilemma that the breeders who sold Chance to us had to get rid of his parents after their first child was born. I had forgotten that.
It was heartbreaking but I didn't know what else to do. We couldn't have even one mishap. I couldn't make one mistake. Jason was going back to work the next week and I was terrified of being the only set of eyes on the lookout. Even with the gated off sections of the house, I knew Eloise and I would be where Chance was often, and while I didn't want him to spend the rest of his life in his kennel, I couldn't risk ever making a mistake where he and Eloise were concerned.
Jason and I decided we had to find him another home, but we weren't willing to settle where that was concerned. We were going to be 100% happy with his new owner before handing him off. I advertised at my brother-in-law's workplace and within a few hours we got a call. The man was a runner (how nice) and knew us from our local running community. He had 100 acres of land in Tennessee, a few other dogs, some grown kids, and he had owned Boxers before so he knew a lot about them. He came one afternoon to meet Chance and then came that night to pick him up. It was to be a trial period to make sure Chance adjusted well to his new surroundings, but I think we all knew he'd be just fine.
It was over and done before we could even blink. It was not what I had imagined at all. I thought we'd be 3 peas in a pod during the day - hanging out at home, going for walks, Chance making Eloise laugh just by coming near. I never imagined it would be a problem. I never thought there would be reason for concern. The day Chance left us was awful and I think I cried all day. Since then I've sort of compartmentalized it so I simply do not think of it (until now and oh how easily the tears return!). It sounds kind of harsh, but I don't know any other way to cope. I have a baby girl to take care of now.
Time, as always, is taking care of our sadness little by little. While I loved Chance and having him in my life, he is not a human. I love animals, but I do not want to give them human status...or human emotion. It isn't a Disney movie, and I often have to remind myself of that (because I do LOVE a good Disney movie!). Chance's new owner befriended Jason on Facebook and yesterday I asked Jason if he'd seen anything about Chance. Jason said he had, that apparently Chance got to go to a drive-in movie with his new family. I haven't seen the pictures, but it made me smile. Chance loves people and the fact that he is getting lots of love and attention lets me know he is as happy as a pup can be. The human emotions are all mine. The sadness, the sense of loss, the disappointment that it couldn't be as I had imagined in my mind... that's all mine and Jason's. Chance is running around in Tennessee with other pups and people who love him and that is what matters the most.
I'm going to miss that guy. I do miss him a little every day. I allow myself a small moment... while getting ready in the bathroom where Chance took up most of the rug...while going for a walk, something Chance always enjoyed...while Jason gets his breakfast and usually gave Chance a frosted mini wheat or two...these little moments still accompany me and I allow them their few seconds to reside in my mind before pushing them back out. I know it is for the best, but that doesn't mean it is easy. I know there will be many decisions like this one in our future...hard ones that are "for the best" and I brace myself for those. My prayer when things are tough these days is that if it can't be easier, that God will make me strong enough to handle it. And He answers that prayer every time I ask.
So here's to Chancey Pants, the Chancellor, the Mongrel, Gizmo and my best furry pal for 6 wonderful, fun and hilarious years.
What I did not anticipate with this leap was that we'd have to make hard parenting decisions right away. I figured once Eloise could walk and talk, we'd have to start teaching her what she could and could not do and the "trouble" she could get into would change as she grew older. We'd have to decide on our method of discipline and be consistent in order to raise a good kid. I knew that would be challenging at times, but we've talked about it at length and will (hopefully) not enter into that stage blindly and without much prayer.
So, in the first week of Eloise's life, when we were faced with a really hard decision, I thought to myself, "So soon?" The decision we faced was what to do about our Boxer, Chance.
We came home with Eloise on a Friday, and by Tuesday we decided we could not impose on my sister any longer (she was keeping Chance for us), and it was time for Chance to come home and meet his new human. I assumed this would be a breeze because Chance has always been great with kids. He loves my niece and nephew and has been to our church's Trunk or Treat event twice, never having any sort of negative reaction to children of all ages and temperaments.
When Chance came home Eloise was asleep in the gated off portion of the house. We let him sniff around and get comfortable until she woke up and then we brought her in to meet him. I held Eloise and we sat on the ottoman, allowing Chance to sniff a little closer. I'm not sure how to describe his reaction exactly. It is one that I've recognized in him often before but never with alarm because...well, it was never aimed at my newborn. When Eloise moved or grunted, he looked as if he was ready to pounce. He looked at her as if she were a bunny or squirrel out on our morning walk, and I was immediately alarmed.
We tried allowing more time but his reaction never changed or settled. We googled dogs and babies and we googled Boxers, only to discover that this issue was in fact common! Mom even reminded me when I told her of our dilemma that the breeders who sold Chance to us had to get rid of his parents after their first child was born. I had forgotten that.
It was heartbreaking but I didn't know what else to do. We couldn't have even one mishap. I couldn't make one mistake. Jason was going back to work the next week and I was terrified of being the only set of eyes on the lookout. Even with the gated off sections of the house, I knew Eloise and I would be where Chance was often, and while I didn't want him to spend the rest of his life in his kennel, I couldn't risk ever making a mistake where he and Eloise were concerned.
Jason and I decided we had to find him another home, but we weren't willing to settle where that was concerned. We were going to be 100% happy with his new owner before handing him off. I advertised at my brother-in-law's workplace and within a few hours we got a call. The man was a runner (how nice) and knew us from our local running community. He had 100 acres of land in Tennessee, a few other dogs, some grown kids, and he had owned Boxers before so he knew a lot about them. He came one afternoon to meet Chance and then came that night to pick him up. It was to be a trial period to make sure Chance adjusted well to his new surroundings, but I think we all knew he'd be just fine.
It was over and done before we could even blink. It was not what I had imagined at all. I thought we'd be 3 peas in a pod during the day - hanging out at home, going for walks, Chance making Eloise laugh just by coming near. I never imagined it would be a problem. I never thought there would be reason for concern. The day Chance left us was awful and I think I cried all day. Since then I've sort of compartmentalized it so I simply do not think of it (until now and oh how easily the tears return!). It sounds kind of harsh, but I don't know any other way to cope. I have a baby girl to take care of now.
Time, as always, is taking care of our sadness little by little. While I loved Chance and having him in my life, he is not a human. I love animals, but I do not want to give them human status...or human emotion. It isn't a Disney movie, and I often have to remind myself of that (because I do LOVE a good Disney movie!). Chance's new owner befriended Jason on Facebook and yesterday I asked Jason if he'd seen anything about Chance. Jason said he had, that apparently Chance got to go to a drive-in movie with his new family. I haven't seen the pictures, but it made me smile. Chance loves people and the fact that he is getting lots of love and attention lets me know he is as happy as a pup can be. The human emotions are all mine. The sadness, the sense of loss, the disappointment that it couldn't be as I had imagined in my mind... that's all mine and Jason's. Chance is running around in Tennessee with other pups and people who love him and that is what matters the most.
I'm going to miss that guy. I do miss him a little every day. I allow myself a small moment... while getting ready in the bathroom where Chance took up most of the rug...while going for a walk, something Chance always enjoyed...while Jason gets his breakfast and usually gave Chance a frosted mini wheat or two...these little moments still accompany me and I allow them their few seconds to reside in my mind before pushing them back out. I know it is for the best, but that doesn't mean it is easy. I know there will be many decisions like this one in our future...hard ones that are "for the best" and I brace myself for those. My prayer when things are tough these days is that if it can't be easier, that God will make me strong enough to handle it. And He answers that prayer every time I ask.
So here's to Chancey Pants, the Chancellor, the Mongrel, Gizmo and my best furry pal for 6 wonderful, fun and hilarious years.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Postpartum Lifestyle
Despite my silence on the blog front, things have been going very well with little miss Eloise. She is a little over 2 weeks old now and she is a great baby. She doesn't cry a lot, but she will let us know when she is hungry and sometimes she gets a little fussy before sleep, but that's it. She's earned a few nicknames such as Squirmy and Little Bird because that is what she resembles when she eats. I guess I should not be surprised that she seems to be in constant motion when awake because that is what she did in my tummy.
She sleeps a lot. Not always when I'd like for her to, but the fact that she does means I get what I need, even if it means sleeping until noon each day because we were up most of the night. I think I'm becoming a nocturnal creature because nights are getting easier since I sleep more during the day. It was hard to sleep during the day at first because daytime meant I could do a few things like dishes, laundry, putting things away that had accumulated on counter tops and the coffee table, etc. I've had a good many visitors too and it has been fun to chat with them and show off my precious baby girl. But without daily naps, a heavy fatigue began to set in and I realized in order to keep up, I had to take the advice of moms and doctors and sleep when she slept.
Jason is the greatest husband and father ever, but I am not really surprised by that fact. It is important to him to pull his weight (his words) and to not let me feel as if I am doing this on my own. This week he started going back to work and I had to tell him night duty had to be mine since he had to function during the day and I could go back to sleep when she did. I told him this is what I signed up for when we decided to have a baby and we planned for me to stay home with her. I think he understands but he still hates waking me up or seeing me so tired during the morning feeding when he is getting ready for work. It is very sweet and he takes care of Eloise and me so well. He adores his baby girl and it warms my heart to see. I am one blessed woman to have him as my husband and she is one blessed little girl to have him as a dad. I am thankful for this every day because my relationship with my dad is one of the most special in the world and I want that for Eloise.
We started going for family walks last week and we have been every night since last Saturday. When Jason gets home from work, we put Eloise in her stroller and head out for about a mile. I look forward to this every day because it is a chance to get outside, get some sunshine, and get a little exercise too. I'm slowly getting my energy back and it feels so good to go for a walk with my two favorite people.
I am looking forward to more walks and I'm looking forward to eventually running again. I'm going by how I feel on that one and these walks are still a pretty good workout. I sometimes wonder how I will go about running again when it has been so long now. Do I just pick up my feet and hop? Will my body remember how to do it? How will it feel and how difficult will it be? I can honestly say that since I started running I've never been this long without a run so I have no idea what to expect. I'm not worried, just curious and I look forward to giving it a shot when the time is right.
I've sort of forgotten about the outside world. I try to check my e-mail and respond to phone calls, but between sleeping and feeding this little girl, it is hard to focus on much else. The days seem to fly by so quickly that I wonder what exactly we did all day. Sometimes I worry that I'm being anti-social or something but then I really don't care. For now, I like being in my little time warp with this little girl and I think that is okay. It is almost as if I don't want to get back to life as usual just yet because this time with Eloise is so special and sacred. This new experience of motherhood, holding my baby girl while she sleeps, listening to her sounds, her grunts and chirps, these things are what make my world go round right now and I am quite content with that.
She sleeps a lot. Not always when I'd like for her to, but the fact that she does means I get what I need, even if it means sleeping until noon each day because we were up most of the night. I think I'm becoming a nocturnal creature because nights are getting easier since I sleep more during the day. It was hard to sleep during the day at first because daytime meant I could do a few things like dishes, laundry, putting things away that had accumulated on counter tops and the coffee table, etc. I've had a good many visitors too and it has been fun to chat with them and show off my precious baby girl. But without daily naps, a heavy fatigue began to set in and I realized in order to keep up, I had to take the advice of moms and doctors and sleep when she slept.
Jason is the greatest husband and father ever, but I am not really surprised by that fact. It is important to him to pull his weight (his words) and to not let me feel as if I am doing this on my own. This week he started going back to work and I had to tell him night duty had to be mine since he had to function during the day and I could go back to sleep when she did. I told him this is what I signed up for when we decided to have a baby and we planned for me to stay home with her. I think he understands but he still hates waking me up or seeing me so tired during the morning feeding when he is getting ready for work. It is very sweet and he takes care of Eloise and me so well. He adores his baby girl and it warms my heart to see. I am one blessed woman to have him as my husband and she is one blessed little girl to have him as a dad. I am thankful for this every day because my relationship with my dad is one of the most special in the world and I want that for Eloise.
We started going for family walks last week and we have been every night since last Saturday. When Jason gets home from work, we put Eloise in her stroller and head out for about a mile. I look forward to this every day because it is a chance to get outside, get some sunshine, and get a little exercise too. I'm slowly getting my energy back and it feels so good to go for a walk with my two favorite people.
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| Our first family walk. |
I've sort of forgotten about the outside world. I try to check my e-mail and respond to phone calls, but between sleeping and feeding this little girl, it is hard to focus on much else. The days seem to fly by so quickly that I wonder what exactly we did all day. Sometimes I worry that I'm being anti-social or something but then I really don't care. For now, I like being in my little time warp with this little girl and I think that is okay. It is almost as if I don't want to get back to life as usual just yet because this time with Eloise is so special and sacred. This new experience of motherhood, holding my baby girl while she sleeps, listening to her sounds, her grunts and chirps, these things are what make my world go round right now and I am quite content with that.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
My Magnum Opus or Eating After Pregnancy
How things change! I'm still looking forward to the days when I feel like running again, and I look forward to getting into a groove with my new baby girl and our life together. But my focus has changed in ways I did not foresee and I've got to say it is pretty great.
When our pediatrician first came to check on Eloise after she was born, she asked if I was planning to breastfeed. I said yes. She told me I needed a diet of 2400-2600 calories a day and some high fat foods such as peanut butter, nuts, baked potatoes loaded with sour cream, etc. It all sounded heavenly to me. As soon as I had this baby girl, it seemed like I was hungry all the time. And then when I ate...it was so wonderful! There was ROOM in there for a real meal and even when I ate what I considered to be a lot, I could breathe and feel great afterward.
I began to really relish eating! I'm taking this breastfeeding thing seriously and I think I'm even more motivated than I was while pregnant to eat right because I actually FEEL good. My sister made me one of her famous fruit mixtures of strawberries, blueberries, grapes, and mandarin oranges and when I finished that, Jason made me one with strawberries, grapes, and blueberries. I eat peaches with cottage cheese as a snack and today Jason brought home some fresh watermelon. My church has been bringing food and it has all been so delicious. Chicken and broccoli casserole, Chicken noodle soup with carrots and corn, homemade rolls, delicious salads with all the best greens, green beans, brown rice, pecan chicken... And when we don't have food someone else has made, Jason makes me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a few kettle chips and the current fruit mixture of the day. One day he brought home that baked potato the pediatrician planted in my mind, loaded with sour cream, butter, and turkey.
And I must say, it has been AMAZING! I love eating!
One afternoon when Jason was headed to the store he said, "You know, you can have pretty much anything you want right now so is there something special you'd like?" I thought about it and I knew immediately. I wanted to try a Magnum Ice Cream bar. Yes sir ree. I'd seen the commercials, I'd seen them on the ice cream aisle at the grocery store, and I wanted to try one. So that afternoon he brought some home and I tried my first Magnum bar. It was EVERYTHING I'd hoped. It was delicious! Every night I indulge in one of these OR in a Klondike bar, which we also currently have in our freezer and closely rivals the Magnum in fabulousness.
I was curious the other afternoon about my weight, so I hopped on the scale just to see. I had a feeling it would still be high, but I wasn't particularly stressed about it. My tummy had already gone done way more than I'd thought it would, so I felt pretty good about how things were going. Here are the numbers:
When I got pregnant I was 116 lbs (Ultra marathon training weight)
At the end of my pregnancy I was 142-144 lbs (I'm estimating because the last number I saw was 141).
When I weighed this week I was 128 lbs.
I was amazed! My non-training weight is usually around 120 and it drops a little when I'm marathon or ultra training due to high mileage. When I found out I was pregnant my weight was lower because I was 10 days away from another 50 mile race. That means I'm really only 8 lbs up from what I usually weigh and THAT was a bit astonishing. I'm not sure if it was mostly baby (although I was quite sure there was lots of extra fat everywhere by the end) or if breastfeeding is really that powerful, but I certainly did not expect that much of a change so quickly.
Even before my little weigh-in, I wasn't overly concerned and I intend to continue that pattern until I feel 100% ready to hit the streets again. For now (and until the end), the priority is breastfeeding. I am enjoying all the delicious things I can so comfortably consume, I take pride in feeding my baby girl the very best I can offer, and each night I smile and sigh as I unwrap a scrumptious Magnum Ice Cream bar.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Welcome Eloise Jane!
If you interpreted this long blog silence to mean we had ourselves a baby, you would be RIGHT! Eloise Jane is here! She arrived August 1, 2012 at 1:57 pm weighing 6 lbs, 10 oz and she was 18 inches long. She has gotten a good report both at the hospital and at her first doctor's appointment, and we are as proud and in love and smitten as parents can possibly be. There are absolutely no words to describe this feeling. Moms and dads have tried to explain it, but there is just no way to know until you know. And wow. It is simply amazing being a mom to this little bundle of sweetness!
The Natural Birth
This did not go exactly as planned, but in the end I got exactly what I wanted so I can't really complain. My water started leaking Tuesday night, but there was not a contraction in sight. We called the doc and were instructed to go to the hospital because if water breaks and the baby doesn't come within 24 hours, the risk of infection increases. We went to the hospital about 8:30 pm Tuesday night and I was admitted to my room. I had a sleepless, frustrating night of constantly having to pee and unhook myself from the two monitors on my tummy (and they itched horribly). I lay awake longing for a contraction, for anything to get started. I'd occasionally feel a dull ache, but it went away and by morning I was still one tight centimeter dilated and contractions were tiny and rare.
The doctor on call came in and suggested pitocin. We talked about it and I said yes. My drip was started around 6:00 am and within an hour, contractions were starting. I practiced my Bradley Method relaxation for each contraction thinking, "Yeah, I've got this." They were uncomfortable but nothing over the top... until around lunch time. Something changed in an instant and they were hard. They were hard and fast. Relaxing became increasingly harder to do. Jason, my AMAZING husband, sat by my side through the ENTIRE labor. He rubbed my back the entire time and when I say entire, I really mean it. He never left me, he never stopped rubbing my back per my request, and he talked me through every single contraction.
Relaxing through these contractions became a joke. A complete and utter joke. I did try, however, to relax my middle section so that the contraction could do what it was intended to do, and I took Jason's hand in my own and squeezed the life out of it so that the next day, I felt as if I'd done a serious weight workout in my arms and back. Eventually I requested a pain killer to take the edge off. I hadn't wanted this too soon because the nurse said it only worked well the first time. I didn't want there to be a second or third time so I waited until I was sure I was close to the end before requesting it. She brought it immediately (Nubain, is how it is pronounced - I have no idea how to spell it), and put it in my IV. It made me feel sort of loopy, but it allowed me to rest between contractions. I sort of went to a different place and then returned for a contraction and to squeeze Jason's hand while allowing my breathing to get me through each one.
My contractions had moved down until I started feeling them push and when I actually felt myself push with them, I told Jason to get the nurse (or to let Mom because I had his entire arm in the death grip). The nurse came in immediately, checked me, and called for the doctor. I've never seen people move so fast. She told me that I first had to push to get the cervix off the baby (or something like that), and that was the first set of 3 pushes. The second set of 3 pushes got the head out and the third set produced a squalling baby who was placed immediately on my tummy.
Pushing was hard. I was so tired (and hungry! I'd had nothing to eat since 6:00 pm the night before) and I'm not going to sugar coat it - it hurt! Jason echoed the nurses urging and the nurse was amazing in instructing me on exactly how to push. I told myself it was almost over and I was going to have my baby girl, and within 5 minutes of pushing, I had her. I was hoarse by the time it was over. I am apparently a yeller. Not a screamer, but take my normal voice and ramp it up several decibels and that was me during the end of labor. I was surprised by that. I apologized to my crew but the nurse said I'd done great and should not be embarrassed at all, and Jason said the same.
The happiness of that moment, of her arrival into this world, cannot be described. I had done it. I had gotten her here with the help of my amazing husband, a stellar nurse and my amazing Creator who had blessed us with an absolutely perfect little girl. Jason cut her cord and the doctor finished up with me while Eloise was cleaned up, swaddled, and returned to my arms. Oh that moment! She breastfed a little, enough to show me she got the point, and then when we were finished I was taken up to my room. Jason went with Eloise to give her her very first bath.
And that, my friends, is the story of her arrival. It has been exactly a week now (today being her actual due date), and it has been a truly wonderful week. At first I thought Jason and I could do it all, but after 2 nights, I asked Mom to come and help. She has been AMAZING and I have gotten the rest I need at night. Breastfeeding was rough at first, but it is going more smoothly every day, for which I am so very grateful. I am feeling better and better each day, and that is a huge blessing too on top of the countless I have received during this most wonderful, life-changing week.
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| Eloise Jane, 1 week old |
This did not go exactly as planned, but in the end I got exactly what I wanted so I can't really complain. My water started leaking Tuesday night, but there was not a contraction in sight. We called the doc and were instructed to go to the hospital because if water breaks and the baby doesn't come within 24 hours, the risk of infection increases. We went to the hospital about 8:30 pm Tuesday night and I was admitted to my room. I had a sleepless, frustrating night of constantly having to pee and unhook myself from the two monitors on my tummy (and they itched horribly). I lay awake longing for a contraction, for anything to get started. I'd occasionally feel a dull ache, but it went away and by morning I was still one tight centimeter dilated and contractions were tiny and rare.
The doctor on call came in and suggested pitocin. We talked about it and I said yes. My drip was started around 6:00 am and within an hour, contractions were starting. I practiced my Bradley Method relaxation for each contraction thinking, "Yeah, I've got this." They were uncomfortable but nothing over the top... until around lunch time. Something changed in an instant and they were hard. They were hard and fast. Relaxing became increasingly harder to do. Jason, my AMAZING husband, sat by my side through the ENTIRE labor. He rubbed my back the entire time and when I say entire, I really mean it. He never left me, he never stopped rubbing my back per my request, and he talked me through every single contraction.
Relaxing through these contractions became a joke. A complete and utter joke. I did try, however, to relax my middle section so that the contraction could do what it was intended to do, and I took Jason's hand in my own and squeezed the life out of it so that the next day, I felt as if I'd done a serious weight workout in my arms and back. Eventually I requested a pain killer to take the edge off. I hadn't wanted this too soon because the nurse said it only worked well the first time. I didn't want there to be a second or third time so I waited until I was sure I was close to the end before requesting it. She brought it immediately (Nubain, is how it is pronounced - I have no idea how to spell it), and put it in my IV. It made me feel sort of loopy, but it allowed me to rest between contractions. I sort of went to a different place and then returned for a contraction and to squeeze Jason's hand while allowing my breathing to get me through each one.
My contractions had moved down until I started feeling them push and when I actually felt myself push with them, I told Jason to get the nurse (or to let Mom because I had his entire arm in the death grip). The nurse came in immediately, checked me, and called for the doctor. I've never seen people move so fast. She told me that I first had to push to get the cervix off the baby (or something like that), and that was the first set of 3 pushes. The second set of 3 pushes got the head out and the third set produced a squalling baby who was placed immediately on my tummy.
Pushing was hard. I was so tired (and hungry! I'd had nothing to eat since 6:00 pm the night before) and I'm not going to sugar coat it - it hurt! Jason echoed the nurses urging and the nurse was amazing in instructing me on exactly how to push. I told myself it was almost over and I was going to have my baby girl, and within 5 minutes of pushing, I had her. I was hoarse by the time it was over. I am apparently a yeller. Not a screamer, but take my normal voice and ramp it up several decibels and that was me during the end of labor. I was surprised by that. I apologized to my crew but the nurse said I'd done great and should not be embarrassed at all, and Jason said the same.
The happiness of that moment, of her arrival into this world, cannot be described. I had done it. I had gotten her here with the help of my amazing husband, a stellar nurse and my amazing Creator who had blessed us with an absolutely perfect little girl. Jason cut her cord and the doctor finished up with me while Eloise was cleaned up, swaddled, and returned to my arms. Oh that moment! She breastfed a little, enough to show me she got the point, and then when we were finished I was taken up to my room. Jason went with Eloise to give her her very first bath.
And that, my friends, is the story of her arrival. It has been exactly a week now (today being her actual due date), and it has been a truly wonderful week. At first I thought Jason and I could do it all, but after 2 nights, I asked Mom to come and help. She has been AMAZING and I have gotten the rest I need at night. Breastfeeding was rough at first, but it is going more smoothly every day, for which I am so very grateful. I am feeling better and better each day, and that is a huge blessing too on top of the countless I have received during this most wonderful, life-changing week.
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| A smile after lunch |
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| What Eloise is doing right now. |
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