...I reserve the right to change my mind. And that is exactly what I have done. I will not be running the Marshall University Marathon this weekend, and I am at peace with this decision.
As I told my friend, Katie, it isn't the marathon itself that is the reason. I would love to try for a PR, and I still may in the next week or so. The things that stop me in my tracks and make me consider the wisdom of going have little to do with running and more to do with the rest of my life.
1. I have a paper due Wednesday. It is only a 10 pager, so not very intimidating, but I am not very good at doing school work during the week, which leaves Saturday and Sunday as prime paper days. When my day starts at 4:30a.m. and I get home at 5:30 p.m. or later...my brain wants to chill, not work. Yeah, that is the price one pays when working on a Master's, and I know a ton of people work and go to school (and have kids and a million other things) but for me...I'm not that into it at the moment. I've made all A's so far but...I'm thinking I will be at peace with a B this semester.
2. My house is torn apart. Not all of it, but about half of it. I decided I wanted to repaint the spare bedroom and re-carpet both that room and the study. Right now the spare bedroom is concrete and mostly painted walls. The study is a mixture of itself and the spare bedroom. Both rooms need to be emptied before the carpeting can begin. And I can't just empty them. I have to organize, sift, and cull. That takes time.
3. Thanksgiving is at MY HOUSE this year. That is why #2 has a bit of a deadline.
4. And lastly, there is the issue of the 7.5 hour drive both ways in one weekend. Now, I might be up for this if 1-3 did not exist and if Jason were running the marathon as well. But to go just for me and then come home to a crazy next couple of weeks...no thanks. Plus, this old body aches just sitting through a day of work when I can get up and down as needed. All that time in the car with a marathon in between...it does not sound fun or smart.
And so, there are the reasons I have changed my mind. I felt so relieved to finally make this decision, that I knew it was the right one. Once I let go of the plan, it was like my whole being gave a sigh and I realized just how tired I am. Not like the dragging, can't stay awake kind of tired, but the kind where the striving and planning and going and training finally takes a toll and I realize I need to take some time to just be. Time to focus on a few non-running things in my life, like my class, my home, and my family.
I'm still out there most mornings running with my girls, or enjoying the last vestiges of sunlight on an afternoon jaunt. I still (and will always) keep track of my weekly mileage and my Garmin is once again strapped to my wrist, showing me pace and time. But I don't have a plan and for once that feels so good.
Running just to run because it is what I love to do. I'm going to hang out here for a while.