Shades of Gray and the Christian

As I was watching TV last night, I was also messing around on my iPhone and seeing what was up on Facebook.  I came across a status from an acquaintance who went to Auburn with me, and what she said gave me pause for thought.  It was about the 50 Shades of Gray Trilogy and her thoughts on it as a Christian woman.  Many of our mutual friends "liked" her status and she had a few supportive comments as well. I've heard about this series although I have not read it myself. I've had it recommended by good friends, but I've been hesitant to read it and I most likely will not.  As I got in bed, I read the status to Jason and we talked about the books, being a Christian, what kind of things we should put in our minds, etc.

I woke up at 3:00 a.m. this morning, wide awake, and still thinking on it.  Now, I'm going to admit something about myself and I can't decide if it is positive or negative but here it is.  I hate controversy and confrontation.  I will keep quiet, walk away, smile and act supportive when I am not - all to avoid it.  Part of that is because most of the time my thoughts on an issue, whether I agree or not, don't really matter.  The issue isn't that important nor is my opinion.  Another reason is I often question myself and want to think about what I think before I share what I think.

Either way, when I see crazy things or thought-provoking things on Facebook, I rarely get involved.  Part of that is who I am and part of it is that I usually do not take Facebook seriously.  However, this time was different for some reason.  Here is the status itself:

"I am a Christian woman and I just finished reading the 50 shades trilogy, with all the hype around it I thought I would give my thoughts...It is a fabulous story of healing and redemption and for someone who had the scare of her life this year, it is a great reminder that we can overcome anything!! It has enhanced my marriage and sparked many great and creative conversations with my spouse!! I agree with Dr. Oz that it will make you connect with your spouse and can do wonders for a marriage! It is very sexual explicit but I have to say for me, I would rather read that than about kids killing kids, ie. Hungar Games......just sayin!"

Not having read the books, I was very hesitant to say what I thought, but then I wondered if I should speak up anyway.  Here is why it mattered to me:

1. I think the gray areas (no pun intended) are trouble and Christians often get lost in them (sometimes purposefully so).  I have been one of those people guilty of dabbling in the gray areas, of wanting them to truly exist so I could do what I wanted while knowing deep down (or not so deep down) it was wrong.  I don't think God and His word leave a lot of gray, though. 

2. I think what we put into our heads matters a lot.  When I read or watch something, it is in my head for keeps, and I cannot tell you how many things I wish I could take back out. There are things I've allowed in my mind that I know I shouldn't, and I've let them grow and breed actions that were not right either. I continue to fight against this and will always, most likely.  A verse I once memorized comes to mind... "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about these things." (Phil 4:8).  And call me Pollyanna, but I LOVE thinking about things like that.

3. Sometimes keeping quiet makes me guilty.  I may not like controversy and confrontation.  I may not like it if someone gets angry at me for a differing opinion.  And there is always the possibility that someone will misunderstand what I said or my motives and think I'm a loser, a fanatic, a dork, or a prude.  Still, the Example I'm supposed to follow did not back down from uncomfortable moments of controversy or confrontation.  Of course, He got killed for it, but if I truly follow Him, he DID ask me to pick up my cross too... (And let's just admit it, our "crosses" these days are quite small). 

So even though it would be easier to have a lovely chat with Jason about the status above, go to sleep, and wake up in my happy little world of pregnancy, babies, pink and green colored nurseries, sunshine on my shoulders, dreams of running etc... I disagreed with that status enough that I decided to comment.  And if you put something out there publicly on Facebook or a blog... aren't you opening yourself up to commentary from others?

I wanted to be careful as I commented, however, because I'm not judging her or anyone else who reads those books.  I am guilty of reading or watching things I had no business putting into my mind, and I have rationalized them to make them right. (It's just entertainment.  I'm married, so this is okay now.  I'm not going to agree with or do what these characters are doing.  It's just a story. Etc.)  So I'm not pointing a finger.  I recognize my own humanness and I remain humble about it.  But if those books contain what I'm told they contain...surely we should be approaching such material with caution.  Especially if we claim to follow Christ and want to be like Him. 

So here is what I said.

"I haven't read the books myself so I have to admit mostly ignorance as I comment, but I'm wondering if it is possible to have/find/experience all those things you mentioned above (enhanced marriage, creative conversations with a spouse, reminders that we can overcome anything, etc.) without reading about explicit sex scenes and acts. My husband and I had a great conversation simply based on your status. :) Again, I know very little other than the hype you mentioned, and Heaven knows I've read many questionable things for mere entertainment value alone (The Hunger Games for example), but I think I'd rather read a story about what you and your family have overcome in the last year* than what 50 Shades has to offer. I guess I approach these books with caution because they have the potential to affect a marriage (and a mind) quite differently than they have with you and Wes. I think it is pretty great, however, that you took what you read and used it so positively in your marriage, and I think that is attributed more to you and who you are than it is to the books themselves. Your status definitely made me think about what I'm reading and what I'm doing with what I read."

* She has been battling cancer and undergoing chemo, and that is what she and I both reference.  

I tried to remain humble and kind.  I think I said what my heart and mind wanted to say.  It is true, I wanted all of those who "liked" or agreed with her to read what I wrote and consider it before picking up those books if they haven't already. It is possible that what they liked about the status was how she applied what she read to her marriage, and I liked that too.  However, I do believe there are other ways to go about improving one's marriage than by reading sexually explicit books. I admitted to my ignorance of the story line, although I was told what else they contain when they were recommended to me.

In essence, I could be wrong.  I haven't read the books so I don't really know.  But I felt I knew enough to comment, so I did.  Who knows what sort of response will come of it today.  Maybe nothing.  Maybe some good and maybe some of what I fear that usually keeps me quiet.  Either way, I prayed about it and did the best I could.  If God can use that book to improve marriages, he can use my bumbling opinions to share something good too.

So what do you think?  Did you read them?   Did you decide not to read them for the reasons I gave?  Are there truly shades of gray and is this book one of them? As I stated before, putting anything out in public like this always opens the door to commentary, whether those commenting agree or not.  Either way, I welcome your thoughts on the matter.

The Scoop on Pregnancy and Exercise

As I've said probably too many times, I am not a fan of unsolicited advice.  I'm just not.  Most people who give it don't know much more than their own personal experience on the subject (if that) and the ones who may know a bit more are probably still biased in some way and unless I know and trust their credentials, I'm just not interested.

So, that said, many of you moms already know that when you become pregnant everyone who has been, known, or had a mom has advice for you.  And if you add running while pregnant to the mix... look out!  Half think you have a disorder of some sort.  Half think you are maniacal and going to kill your baby.  And a very select few cheer you on (cautiously). 

I'll admit, I don't know much about running and pregnancy because I've never been pregnant until now.  I know about the human body and its reaction to exercise, training, distance running, etc. and while that knowledge is certainly not extensive, it gives me something to work with.  Pregnancy, however, is a whole new matter and I've had to do some learning to figure out what works for me.

My main goal is to take care of this little girl.  I want her to grow strong and healthy in my tummy until it is time for her to enter my arms. So if I were to find evidence that my running was in fact harmful, I would have to admit defeat and desist.  My second goal is to take care of myself.  I want to stay strong and healthy too.  I don't want to gain more than the appropriate amount of weight, and I want my body to recover quickly once its baby-making task is complete (and then, of course to go on a healthy breast-feeding regimen but lets focus on one thing at a time for now).

So, I've read a few articles and I bought a book.  Today I've really had time to dive into my book and it is FABULOUS! I am so excited about what I have learned! It answers all of my questions and more.  It gives me ammo to fire back when the uniformed look at me like I'm doing crack when I say I'm still running.  I've got all of my running mom blogs that keep me inspired and confident in my current efforts, but as helpful as they have been, they are not full of real scientific research (although many of their current practices bear out in the actual research according to this book).  "Exercising Through Your Pregnancy" by James Clapp M.D. has provided some great insight into what goes on in a pregnant woman's body and with her baby while she exercises, and in all cases he mentions running specifically!  If you are new to pregnancy and have a ton of questions about what you can do, get this book!  It is an easy read and I promise it will answer all of your questions.  As I read, I thought has this man been listening in on my conversations? How does he know I have all of these questions?

The information in this book will not only give you as the pregnant athlete confidence in your daily physical activity, it will help you remain immune when well-meaning family and friends think you should refrain from it. Clapp explains why we have believed certain things about pregnancy and exercise for so long and goes into detail about what tests and studies were conducted to find out the truth.

What we know (although some will unfortunately argue) is that exercise (in my case, running) is VERY good for the body. It does AMAZING things, cures and prevents all kinds of evils both physically and mentally, and generally does the body good (maybe even more than milk).  Your pregnant body on exercise is no different.  Everything that a woman's body does to get ready for the baby is made even better by exercise.  Blood flow, heat dissipation, lung capacity, etc.  The list is truly endless, and many of the unpleasant pregnancy symptoms such as swelling, fatigue, constipation, back aches, etc. are alleviated (mostly) by exercise!  The baby is perfectly fine and safe, and better off for your efforts in several ways.

I could go on and on about what this book contains, but it would be better if you read it for yourself and found the answers to your questions that way.  Don't take my unsolicited advice, go learn the REAL scoop on pregnancy and exercise (yes, even running).  It is good stuff, I promise!

This one made me laugh out loud!

Mean Ole Pregnant Ladies and Good Books

So I have discovered that being pregnant is sort of like having constant PMS.  I have never liked blaming bad behavior (meanness, impatience, unkind thoughts, etc) on hormones, but I've got to say that some days it feels like I am mad at the world for no reason at all.  And I'm telling myself, "Jane!  You have SO MUCH to be excited about, why in the world are you grouchy?"  And I've got nothing in response except that I just am. 

I snap at Jason and I HATE doing that. He has been the sweetest man lately and I know I don't always make it easy.  People get on my nerves quickly. I experience mild road rage, along with really mean thoughts when people ask me stupid questions about being pregnant or give me unsolicited advice that doesn't apply to me.  Pride wells up inside when people I don't believe know anything tell me what they think I should do. I smile and nod but in my head I am thinking... well, it is not very nice what I am thinking.

Then I step back and think, "Jane! Whoa! What is up?"  Even if I don't actually SAY these things out loud and no one knows the names I am calling them in my head, it isn't right to have them in my head in the first place!  I want my heart to be filled with kindness, patience and love, not cutting remarks to people who don't mean any harm. Surely there is a way to battle hormones or whatever it is that makes me feel so mean.  So, I've come up with some strategies.

1. Prayer.  This helps a lot.  I talk to God about it and slowly whatever is wound so tight lets go, giving way to more peaceful, kinder thoughts toward mankind.
2. Sunshine.  If there is sunshine outside, I go and get some.  And breathe.
3. Iced coffees.  Per the doc's recommendation about caffeine, I allow myself one caffeinated beverage a day.  When necessary, this is an iced coffee and these ALWAYS make me feel better.
4. Sense of humor.  I have a good one, so I try to use it when people say stupid things.  If it is funny, it is not so annoying. 
5. Good books.  This is my newest strategy and if the book is a good one, it provides me somewhere else to go besides my own head and it provides a break from whatever is bothering me.  My current book selection is perfect for this purpose.

So what is my current selection?  Well it is a book (or series, rather) I read while in college called The Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers.  The first book is called, "A Voice in the Wind."  Not only does this book humble me when I'm feeling prideful and remind me of how wonderful my life is, but the main character is amazing.  She's not even real and she is still so life-changing.  She is so human and so Christ-like, that I can identify with her while at the same time being so moved by how she deals with her own humanness and how she turns to God for everything. 

It has been a while since I have been so enthralled by a book that I can't wait to pick it up again.  I used to experience this all the time, devouring books almost as fast as I could devour lunch, but the last year or so it  seems so difficult to find anything I feel is worth reading.  I have a stack of unfinished books on my bedside table and that used to be unheard of for me.  I had no idea I could experience this feeling again simply by revisiting my own bookshelves. 

So when I'm feeling mean, ungrateful, unkind and prideful, I turn to the character of Hadassah and I am reminded of who I want to be, no matter what sort of hormones are raging inside.  It is refreshing, entertaining, distracting, and renewing... maybe even faith building (a reoccurring theme for me, of late).  If you haven't read this series, I would suggest it.  I have turned into kind of a book snob, and so a lot of Christian fiction gets on my nerves because it seems to be bad writing published because the authors were Christians (an oversimplification, probably but there it is).  This series, however, stands apart.  It is not only powerful, but well written.  So even if you aren't a mean ole pregnant lady, you might still enjoy and gain much from reading this one.