Monday, March 19, 2012

The Baby and Me


I'm a little over 19 weeks pregnant and I found out today that I am having a little girl. I really thought I was having a boy because Jason is a boy and he was first and the man decides the gender so my highly scientific theory was that we too would have a boy first.  Even though I was wrong, I was not disappointed.  As long as this little one is healthy, we can't really go wrong either way.

I think about this little thing all the time.  I feel her moving around now, so that just makes it all the more real. I place my hand on my belly and wonder what is going on in there.  I smile to myself a lot.  I'll be sitting at work just working away and all of a sudden there is movement in my belly.  This happens during meetings, during church, while watching TV, while having conversations, while lying in bed.  It's like a little secret between me and the little one.

"Hi Mom."
"Hi Little One."

That's how it usually goes.  In my head, of course.

When I'm singing along to the radio in the car I wonder if the baby knows it is me and if she likes the song.  Sometimes I turn the volume down so it won't hurt tiny ears. When Jason places his hand on my belly I tell him he should say something, just in case.  My "What to Expect" book says she can hear us now.  I kind of want to tell her where we are going and what we are doing.  I know we are connected, and even though she can't hear or know my thoughts, I send them to her anyway.

While running, I tell her about our future stroller rides.  I point out the park in my neighborhood as I pass and tell her the whale seesaw looks really fun.  When I eat celery and peanut butter, I wonder if she likes the celery or if she's really just using it to get to the peanut butter like I am.  When I bend over to tie my shoes or pick up laundry, I wonder if she is squooshed. When I sneeze or cough, I wonder if I just woke her up. 

I wonder who she will be and who she will look like.  Will she have curly hair?  Will she have brown eyes like mine or blue eyes like Jason's?  Will she want to be a runner?  I hope so and I look forward to the day when she flies by me at lightning speed.  If not, that's okay too.  As long as she discovers something she loves to do and does that, it will be enough.

I can't wait to hold her.  I can't wait to sing to her.  I can't wait to tell her stories and show her all the sights and sounds and smells and colors and tastes that make this world such an amazing place.  I can't wait to tell her about her amazing Creator, and my most fervent prayer is that she will know and love Him.  This very hope and prayer has changed my own life quite a bit and I wonder if that is hypocritical or circumstantial or if it is this kind of life change that makes us lean on God all the more.  I dare not go on this journey alone and my prayer is that I always stay focused on my main role as this little girl's Mom, which is to teach her about Jesus Christ and in everything I do point to Him.  What an important job!  I feel so honored and so blessed to be entrusted with it! 

I'm trying to prepare myself to be a good mom.  I'm trying to be now the woman I want this little girl to see.  I watch other moms.  I think about my own mom and I think about my sister who is a mom and I take note.  Both were and are top notch, so I have some awesome role models.  Jason has a good set of parents too, so we are following in some great footsteps where parenting is concerned (lucky little girl with awesome grandparents).

How I'm supposed to focus on work or anything other than this little girl, I have no idea.  To say my head is in the clouds is an understatement.  And with the warmer weather and spring on the horizon... it is like the world around me matches my own frame of mind.  Birdsong greets me every morning, I see gorgeous flowers blooming on every run, the air is fresh and green, the sun is warm, and the breeze is refreshing.  It seems like I'm not the only one excited about this little girl.  Creation seems to be celebrating too.

10 comments:

  1. Love it, Jane. This post is awesome and describes all of our hopes for our little girls (and boys). I am so excited for you to get to experience the HONOR of motherhood. I have told you before, but I feel so honored to have been able to cross the finish line of many marathons, yes. But I am so much more pleased that I have been able to carry and birth two children with my body. It's amazing to experience that. SO happy for you today!!!

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    1. Thank you, Katie! I am so excited too!!!

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  2. Congrats on finding out the gender! You sound like you'll make a great mom.
    Your big day will come before you know it. :) I loved reading all your thoughts here about how it feels to be pregnant. 3 years seems so long ago now to me.
    Enjoy the rest of the ride!

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  3. I am so excited for you! Girls are so much fun. I always thought I wanted two boys, so Leah was a surprise that I now wouldn't trade ANYTHING for!! You will be a great girl mom. I just know it in my heart! I can't WAIT to meet her!!!
    Shannon

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  4. CONGRATULATIONS!! I thought I would have a boy too but I was surprised with a little girl and after over a year I'm happy to say I wouldn't have had it any other way!! I'm sure boys are great but girls are soo special! I love this post and when your baby girl comes out into the world you will be the BEST MAMA for her because God gave her to you to raise up into the Destiny He has for her and He chose you to be her mama for that exact reason :) I believe we are stewards of Gods children and our job is to raise them up for Him to go and to Be what He has called them to BE! You will do awesome!

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  5. I'm Totally EXCITED about this!!! ;) You Two Will BE AWESOME!!! - Dana Savage

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  6. Thank you!! Y'all are so encouraging! I am pretty pumped about this little girl. Learning the gender makes me feel like I KNOW her now or something. Love it! :)

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  7. My dear daughter,

    There's not a dry eye on my face. I remember when I had you in my stomach and thought similar thoughts about you. I, too, wanted you to love God as much as I loved Him and that wish has come true. I am flattered and humbled that you think I am a great mom and want to be like me. My mistakes were many but my love was never failing. You will do well as a mom if you love, love, love....enough to cover you mistakes, enough to show her your Creator, enough to make her do what is right. I know that you will because it is your nature and your love for God and me make me so happy. I, too, am excited about your baby girl and can't wait to meet her and hug her and love her and get some sugar! I love you, Mom

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  8. so excited for you. :) it's amazing how a little person who isn't even born yet can so captivate our hearts and our thoughts! i remember when i was almost due with ethan... i wanted to burst at the thought that he was RIGHT THERE-- right there inside me with really only some skin and stuff separating us... i wanted to see him so bad to see what he looked like. i wished there was a little window where i could just take a peek. :) ha. pretty gross if you think about it!!

    and now i read of your anticipation for life with this precious little girl and it makes me smile. she will love reading all of these blog entries one day! she will read them and smile and know, for the millionth time, how much she is loved by her mama. i can't wait to meet her!!

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  9. So happy for both of you! Will she be a daddy's girl, do you think? This little one will be loved beyond measure! So much joy in your future...savor each and every moment. Love, Debra Hurley

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