Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Pressing On

I'm pressing on with my 14 days of love, but let me just say... It seems when I make up my mind to persue God, when I make goals to better serve my husband and others, when I set my sights on things above you could say, I come under fire. Do you ever feel that way? Man. And another thing...getting into scripture, writing it down on paper and on my heart, instead of feeling light and happiness, joy and sunshine, I feel like a failure. Or maybe I should say it has shined light into the dark places and shown my weakness, my ignorance, my selfishness, my impatience...and it's not pretty. 

Let's see...on day one I fussed at Jason. I'd left his love note in his car as a surprise and then gotten aggravated with him and shown it. I don't even remember what I was mad about...must have been important. I remember thinking, "great start, Jane." 

I was inconvenienced by a dear friend in need on day three or four, and while my actions were what they should have been, I knew my heart and attitude were not, and I was ashamed. I started forgetting the little ways I was going to love myself, I didn't follow through with all of the ways I was going to show love to others, and I had a hard time being the wife and mother I wanted to be.

And I'm only on day 8! Whaaaaat?!? 

But being on day 8 means there is still time. And just because this has turned into a fight for love instead of me skipping around spreading joy and love in every direction, doesn't mean I have to give up. 

That's what this 14 Days has become. A fight for love when it is really hard to be loving, to feel loving, to put myself second, to give 100%. When I am exhausted and impatient and not getting my way...that's when these verses I'm reading, these goals I'm attempting, these acts of service become difficult to follow. 

So I'm dusting myself off and getting back up. I'm asknowledging the wrong I've seen in myself, I'm asking for forgiveness, and I'm pressing on. 

Now here's some of the more successful, fun parts. Loving Jason is one of my favorites, even if I turn into a mean ole hag on occasion. 

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