Something Omthing Omthing

I'm sitting here in my pajamas at my grandfather's desk in my little study at home, and I am on my second cup of coffee.  Chance sits at his window watching the goings on of the neighborhood as I sit at the computer checking e-mail accounts and job websites, with some writing in the mix as well.  This unemployment thing is not so bad after all.  (insert winky face here)

I was reading over yesterday's blog when I noticed something.  It appeared to me that I had written contradictory things, and I wanted to clear them up.  Not only for you, dear readers, but for me as well.  Because while I recognize these things as contradictory, I still feel that way and must fight against it.

I noticed that I wrote a lot of "I want" sentences.  "I want to do something...I want to be a part...I want to write...I want to think..." etc.  I want, I want, I want.  What is wrong with this picture?  Maybe nothing.  I mean we all want things and that is probably okay.

But when writing about wanting (there it is again) God to guide, help, show, and choose a path for me that HE wants...how do my wants fit into that?  Do they at all? 

Jason and I have been attending a marriage seminar at my church this week given by Dr. Jerry and Lynn Jones.  Sunday, during class, the men and women were divided up, and Lynn spoke to the women about being a woman of God.  She pointed out something about herself that I KNOW I have done all my life.  When reading Romans 8:28, which says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose,"  whose version of "good" do we think that is referencing?  Lynn pointed out that for most of her Christian life, she had always believed she knew what that "good" ought to be.  So while she often prayed "your will be done,"  what she meant was, "here are some ideas I have for what your will should be."

So can I make out my list of wants and also claim to want God to lead the effort in project Next Step for Jane?  Maybe.  I mean I can certainly tell him what I want and I believe He hears me.  But I've seen in the past how God has not given me what I want because he had something better around the corner.  Something that would work for his purpose, not mine.

So that's what I'm trying to do.  Sure, I have a list of things I'd like to do.  I have a list of things I want my next step to be.  But when I ask for God's guidance in the whole thing, I'm going to try to mean it.  Really mean it. His will, for real, not mine.

Here goes...