Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Two Pink Lines

It was a cold, rainy day as I drove to meet Jason at the doctor’s office.  We’d been trying to get pregnant for about a year and that meant it was time to talk about fertility.  I really didn’t want to talk about it.  I believed in the core of my being that we were both okay, but I also couldn’t explain why I hadn’t gotten pregnant in a year's time.   

We met and talked with my doctor.  We got all the information about the different tests that would be done and what these tests would tell us.  When the appointment was over, Jason drove to a meeting and I drove to the grocery store to drop off my new prescriptions for prenatal vitamins and folic acid.  Then I went home.   

On a whim I decided to use the last pregnancy test that had been sitting in my bathroom drawer.  I’m not even sure how or why the thought occurred to me, but I did it.  I watched the usual pink line appear as it always did, signaling that I was not pregnant.   I told myself I knew I wasn’t pregnant and that at least I’d be able to run the 50 mile run for which I’d been training.  I gave myself the usual pep talk I'd been giving myself every month, reminding myself of all the things I love about my life without a little one in it.  I glanced at the test before tossing it in the garbage and then I looked closer.  There was a faint second line!  It was very light, but it was there and I knew for a fact I’d never seen even a hint of a second line. 

Jason called after his meeting and I told him about the second pink line.  He said he’d stop and pick up my prescriptions and get more pregnancy tests.  When he got home I took another one.  This time there was no mistaking the second line.  It was just as dark as the first line.  We grinned at each other and I tried to push down the excitement that started to well up inside.  I did not want to believe I was pregnant only to find out it wasn't true.  I’d been disappointed by all the one-lined tests in the past and so as protection, I quit thinking of it as a possibility.   
But there were two pink lines.   

Jason and I discussed the 50 mile and I told him if I was pregnant I would not run it.  He was relieved by this since he felt the same way about it.  I could hardly go to sleep that night for being excited and then arguing with myself about being excited, thanking God for this new blessing and then pleading with Him to let it be so and protect the child that might be forming.  I searched for the balance between having faith and not getting my hopes up, so I prayed about that too. 

The next morning I took another test.  Same result as before.  Two pink lines.   I met my morning crew for a run and thought about it the whole time.  When I got to work later that morning, I looked at my calendar.  I was on day 27 of my cycle which meant I still had a few days before a menstrual cycle was actually missed.  This was going to be another long wait and all I could think about were two pink lines and how badly I wanted them to be right. 

I called the nurse practitioner at my ob/gyn and told her about my three tests.  I told her when I’d taken them and asked her how reliable they were.  She said they were reliable and that I was most likely pregnant.  She congratulated me and told me what to do next.    

I glanced at my calender again and sighed. I refused to feel secure in the two pink lines until I had actually missed my cycle.  The waiting seemed endless as the minutes slowed to a crawl and I wondered how in the world I would make it...

1 comment:

  1. So excited to see these posts!!! It is the most exciting thing to get that first positive pregnancy test! I am so happy for you and can't wait to read more!