So I have discovered that being pregnant is sort of like having constant PMS. I have never liked blaming bad behavior (meanness, impatience, unkind thoughts, etc) on hormones, but I've got to say that some days it feels like I am mad at the world for no reason at all. And I'm telling myself, "Jane! You have SO MUCH to be excited about, why in the world are you grouchy?" And I've got nothing in response except that I just am.
I snap at Jason and I HATE doing that. He has been the sweetest man lately and I know I don't always make it easy. People get on my nerves quickly. I experience mild road rage, along with really mean thoughts when people ask me stupid questions about being pregnant or give me unsolicited advice that doesn't apply to me. Pride wells up inside when people I don't believe know anything tell me what they think I should do. I smile and nod but in my head I am thinking... well, it is not very nice what I am thinking.
Then I step back and think, "Jane! Whoa! What is up?" Even if I don't actually SAY these things out loud and no one knows the names I am calling them in my head, it isn't right to have them in my head in the first place! I want my heart to be filled with kindness, patience and love, not cutting remarks to people who don't mean any harm. Surely there is a way to battle hormones or whatever it is that makes me feel so mean. So, I've come up with some strategies.
1. Prayer. This helps a lot. I talk to God about it and slowly whatever is wound so tight lets go, giving way to more peaceful, kinder thoughts toward mankind.
2. Sunshine. If there is sunshine outside, I go and get some. And breathe.
3. Iced coffees. Per the doc's recommendation about caffeine, I allow myself one caffeinated beverage a day. When necessary, this is an iced coffee and these ALWAYS make me feel better.
4. Sense of humor. I have a good one, so I try to use it when people say stupid things. If it is funny, it is not so annoying.
5. Good books. This is my newest strategy and if the book is a good one, it provides me somewhere else to go besides my own head and it provides a break from whatever is bothering me. My current book selection is perfect for this purpose.
It has been a while since I have been so enthralled by a book that I can't wait to pick it up again. I used to experience this all the time, devouring books almost as fast as I could devour lunch, but the last year or so it seems so difficult to find anything I feel is worth reading. I have a stack of unfinished books on my bedside table and that used to be unheard of for me. I had no idea I could experience this feeling again simply by revisiting my own bookshelves.
So when I'm feeling mean, ungrateful, unkind and prideful, I turn to the character of Hadassah and I am reminded of who I want to be, no matter what sort of hormones are raging inside. It is refreshing, entertaining, distracting, and renewing... maybe even faith building (a reoccurring theme for me, of late). If you haven't read this series, I would suggest it. I have turned into kind of a book snob, and so a lot of Christian fiction gets on my nerves because it seems to be bad writing published because the authors were Christians (an oversimplification, probably but there it is). This series, however, stands apart. It is not only powerful, but well written. So even if you aren't a mean ole pregnant lady, you might still enjoy and gain much from reading this one.