I cried the night of the election. I had gone to bed before the results were in so when Eloise woke up to eat I pulled them up on my phone. Obama had surpassed the 270 necessary votes to win the presidency and as I rocked my baby girl back to sleep, I cried. I was shocked and so very disappointed and I asked God why, why, why. When I crawled back into bed I woke Jason up and told him I was afraid. I took his arm, pulled him close and cried some more.
I was afraid for our country, afraid for our safety, afraid for my baby girl. I desperately wanted Mitt Romney to win. Not only do I believe he is a good and moral man, I believed he would steer our country in a better direction (or many better directions I should say). I hoped he would protect us more solidly against other nations seeking to do us harm. I believed he would protect the freedoms I have enjoyed in my life and those I hoped would belong to my baby girl. And I really believed our country would not vote for another term with Obama. There was no way after the 4 years we've had that anyone would think our country could withstand another 4 years. And now that we've in fact voted him in... it causes me to be afraid.
I know I'm not supposed to worry. I know God has written again and again in His word that I am not to fear. I know He is with me and I hope He is still with this country I love. The morning after the election I was surprisingly encouraged by all the posts on Facebook. There were many uplifting scriptures posted and even though there was disappointment behind every word, there was still hope. I'm trying not to be afraid. I know my faith is weak if I have let fear and worry permeate my soul to such a degree and I plan to renew my love of God's word, rev up my prayer time, and build my faith to greater heights than it has ever been. And I plan to raise Eloise to love the Lord and to hopefully have a faith much stronger than that of her mother's. No matter what happens in this life, if her faith is intact, she will be okay - much more than okay, actually.
While I believe in God's sovereignty and I believe He can rescue this nation, I still do not think America made a wise choice. I think Americans have buried their heads in the sand, gotten lazy, and believed what they have seen and heard without asking enough (or the right) questions. Instead of working for it, taking care of each other and taking responsibility for bad decisions, we are willing to throw up our hands and let the government do it all for us. We want to foolishly believe other countries will leave us alone if we leave them alone and that we need to just accept everyone and they will in turn accept us. I'm not sure how much worse it has to get for us to open our eyes but I pray our country can withstand it.
Freedom is a beautiful word, a beautiful thing. Each day I have it, each day I hold my baby girl in my arms and coax a smile from that sweet face, I bask in it. I'm trying to let faith, hope and love chase away the fear and trembling in my soul. I'm trying not to worry about tomorrow. I'm trying not to overly treasure the things of this world - even my freedom. I'm thankful for every blessed day I have been given, every sweet moment with Eloise and Jason, every lovely mile run on a beautiful fall day. I'm thankful to know my Lord and Savior and to be able to call on Him when my heart is heavy. And I'm still praying for this land I love, that it may always be the land of the free and the home of the brave.