Well, it had a very faint second pink line. I stared and stared at it, and then I called my friend, Katie. She said there was no way a second pink line would show up if I weren't pregnant. I asked her every question I could think of, but she seemed pretty sure. We'd gone for a 12 miler a few days prior and I'd had sore breasts and had to use the bathroom twice in the same run! So she wasn't overly surprised, but I was still in denial. That conversation with her still makes me smile.
I called Jason next, told him of my findings and of my conversation with Katie, and he said he'd pick up more pregnancy tests. I took another when he got home and we had an even darker second line. The next morning I took a third test and called my doc. I asked the nurse how reliable these tests were (still in a bit of denial) because I was about to run a 50 mile race in 10 days. She said they were pretty reliable and we made my 8 week appointment.
That was the day I learned I was carrying this precious baby girl. I didn't know her name, I didn't even know she was a she, but I knew she was there and I cannot describe the excitement, amazement, disbelief, joy, and worry that ensued. Of course, even those indescribable feelings are nothing on actually having her, but they were a start.
I still can't believe I'm a mom. A mom! I have a child! And as I hold her perfect little squirming form in my arms, I am amazed that she came from me and Jason. I know people have babies all the time, but I can't help thinking she is my little miracle. God formed her in my being, He started her heart, He made her and gave her to me, and I am so humbled and grateful for that. I guess I'll eventually grasp that I'm a mom and she is mine, but every day I look at her, amazed that it is so.
Tomorrow she will be 4 months old. I have a 4 month old. And I absolutely love remembering the day I found out she was going to be my baby.
|Eloise Jane at 4 months old|