On This Day Last Year

Last year on November 29 I came home from a doctor's visit where my ob/gyn talked with Jason and I about tests we could take to make sure we were both okay as far as making babies went.  I wasn't really looking forward to taking any of those tests, but we'd been trying to get pregnant for a year and nothing had happened.  I wasn't really concerned that anything was wrong because all I'd done was sort of watch my cycle and guess, but after a year they suggest these tests so we were moving forward with that.  When I got home, I'm not sure why, but I took a pregnancy test.  I was pretty sure it would say what all the others had said, but I decided to take it any way.

Well, it had a very faint second pink line.  I stared and stared at it, and then I called my friend, Katie.  She said there was no way a second pink line would show up if I weren't pregnant.  I asked her every question I could think of, but she seemed pretty sure.  We'd gone for a 12 miler a few days prior and I'd had sore breasts and had to use the bathroom twice in the same run!  So she wasn't overly surprised, but I was still in denial.  That conversation with her still makes me smile.

I called Jason next, told him of my findings and of my conversation with Katie, and he said he'd pick up more pregnancy tests.  I took another when he got home and we had an even darker second line.  The next morning I took a third test and called my doc.  I asked the nurse how reliable these tests were (still in a bit of denial) because I was about to run a 50 mile race in 10 days.  She said they were pretty reliable and we made my 8 week appointment.  

That was the day I learned I was carrying this precious baby girl.  I didn't know her name, I didn't even know she was a she, but I knew she was there and I cannot describe the excitement, amazement, disbelief, joy, and worry that ensued.  Of course, even those indescribable feelings are nothing on actually having her, but they were a start. 

I still can't believe I'm a mom.  A mom!  I have a child!  And as I hold her perfect little squirming form in my arms, I am amazed that she came from me and Jason.  I know people have babies all the time, but I can't help thinking she is my little miracle.  God formed her in my being, He started her heart, He made her and gave her to me, and I am so humbled and grateful for that.  I guess I'll eventually grasp that I'm a mom and she is mine, but every day I look at her, amazed that it is so.

Tomorrow she will be 4 months old.  I have a 4 month old.  And I absolutely love remembering the day I found out she was going to be my baby. 

Eloise Jane at 4 months old