Friday, November 30, 2012

On This Day Last Year

Last year on November 29 I came home from a doctor's visit where my ob/gyn talked with Jason and I about tests we could take to make sure we were both okay as far as making babies went.  I wasn't really looking forward to taking any of those tests, but we'd been trying to get pregnant for a year and nothing had happened.  I wasn't really concerned that anything was wrong because all I'd done was sort of watch my cycle and guess, but after a year they suggest these tests so we were moving forward with that.  When I got home, I'm not sure why, but I took a pregnancy test.  I was pretty sure it would say what all the others had said, but I decided to take it any way.

Well, it had a very faint second pink line.  I stared and stared at it, and then I called my friend, Katie.  She said there was no way a second pink line would show up if I weren't pregnant.  I asked her every question I could think of, but she seemed pretty sure.  We'd gone for a 12 miler a few days prior and I'd had sore breasts and had to use the bathroom twice in the same run!  So she wasn't overly surprised, but I was still in denial.  That conversation with her still makes me smile.

I called Jason next, told him of my findings and of my conversation with Katie, and he said he'd pick up more pregnancy tests.  I took another when he got home and we had an even darker second line.  The next morning I took a third test and called my doc.  I asked the nurse how reliable these tests were (still in a bit of denial) because I was about to run a 50 mile race in 10 days.  She said they were pretty reliable and we made my 8 week appointment.  

That was the day I learned I was carrying this precious baby girl.  I didn't know her name, I didn't even know she was a she, but I knew she was there and I cannot describe the excitement, amazement, disbelief, joy, and worry that ensued.  Of course, even those indescribable feelings are nothing on actually having her, but they were a start. 

I still can't believe I'm a mom.  A mom!  I have a child!  And as I hold her perfect little squirming form in my arms, I am amazed that she came from me and Jason.  I know people have babies all the time, but I can't help thinking she is my little miracle.  God formed her in my being, He started her heart, He made her and gave her to me, and I am so humbled and grateful for that.  I guess I'll eventually grasp that I'm a mom and she is mine, but every day I look at her, amazed that it is so.

Tomorrow she will be 4 months old.  I have a 4 month old.  And I absolutely love remembering the day I found out she was going to be my baby. 

Eloise Jane at 4 months old


  1. So did you end up running the 50 miler?

    I like to do what I call the "mom stare" at my kids all time. It's when you stare at them for an awkwardly long time in amazement that they exist. So long that they start to feel uncomfortable.:)

  2. No, I didn't run it. I'd done one the year before and knowing how it depleted my system, I was afraid to do it with a baby on board. It wasn't hard to give it up, though, although I have my eye on it for 2013. :)