22 Weeks and Definitely Counting

I'm 22 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I'm already impatient with this whole pregnancy thing.  Which is horrible and ungrateful and I'm working on changing my attitude from one of complaining to one of gratefulness and joy.  Is it all just hormones?  I have no idea how much they play into this. Supposedly a lot, but I don't like using hormones as an excuse for bad behavior or bad thinking.

I'm tired of being tired. I wish I could stop fixating on it and just be.  I'm working on that too.  I have no idea if I'm bigger or smaller or just the same as my last pregnancy, I'm not sure how my exercise and running is stacking up, and I'm not sure why I have to fixate on that either. I am slowly (but hopefully surely) letting go of mileage goals and turning them into time goals. I'm trying to focus on time spent exercising instead of reaching a certain amount of miles and being content with what I get. That's hard when my workouts have always been mileage driven. Watching my weekly totals dwindle (even for a really good reason) is not always easy.

I don't like gaining weight. I wish I could do it all gracefully, but I hate it.  Friends and family tell me I'm small and cute, but it is so hard to hear what they say and believe it.  When I look in the mirror I do NOT see small and cute. I see a tired old chubby lady. An ungrateful one, at that (which certainly doesn't add beauty to the current situation).

So. Deep breath.  I'm changing my mind about all of this. Starting now. Remember that song by Sister Hazel, "If you wanna be somebody else, change your mind.  oooooo yeeeeaaaah..."  That's what I'm doing and I know I can count on my amazing God to help me. He has given me so much and I don't want to be a sour old pregnant lady. I want to be a joyful old pregnant lady who looks forward to another precious little one. And I do. When I start to really think about what I'm getting out of all of this, it really is quite amazing and quite worth it. And when I take my eyes off myself and look around, I see women wanting to be pregnant who can't. I see women having much harder pregnancies than I can imagine. And I am reminded to be grateful to be healthy and happy and having another little one to add to our family.

I've started another 1000 Gifts list to help me focus on my blessings. I want spend more time in prayer about the things that are bothering me than whining about them to Jason or my mom and sister. They are great listeners and supporters, but lack the power to help the situation like God can. I saw something on Facebook the other day that read, "Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?" and I thought, "Nope. Not at all."

Other than the usual pregnancy fun, I'm doing great. And Eloise is so much fun and such a hoot.  I love being her mama. There are, of course, hard parenting days where I wonder if I'm doing any good at all, but then I see the little proofs that a difference is being made. And it is quite wonderful.  As is pregnancy if I look for it.

Spring, Summer, and Big News

Good morning, friends!  It has been a while!  I have intended to sit down and write a spell a thousand times and every time (until now) I've spent those moments doing something else. Back when I was a working woman, I used to think when I stayed home with my kids I'd have SO much more time to write. I'd be a writing fiend. And now... now I laugh.  I had lunch breaks at work!  Now I have nap breaks but I usually use those to clean, workout or nap.

Let's do a little recapping.  Spring leading into summer was wonderful.  Many fun races, good half-marathon times, planting flowers and veggies outside with my girl, trying new recipes, hanging out with family and friends, discovering the local splash pads, building a new swing set, raising butterflies, making cookies, and the list of fun goes on.  Everything seems exciting with a 1.5 year old who is doing so much of it for the first time and who is so very curious and interested in it all. It makes me feel like a kid too as I watch her play, explore, discover, make huge messes, laugh, run, jump, and learn.

Splash pad love. This girl can ROCK the splash pad!

Picking strawberries...okay, I was picking, she was sampling.

Jason and my dad built Eloise this swing set in our backyard. It has been a HIT ever since!

The last time I wrote in April, we were in the midst of all of it. I had just run the Seaside Half-marathon, finishing in 1:48 and I was on to Scottsboro in April and then Bridgestreet in May.  I had planned to take a minute off of each race and I succeeded in Scottsboro. It was hilly and rained on us the entire time, but I had a good run, finishing in 1:47 and winning first place in my age group.  Bridge street was in May and I was on target for my 1:46.  My PR was a 1:44, but I thought it too soon to make that big of a leap. Well, not only did I not leap to my PR, I leaped 9 minutes backward, finishing in 1:53.  I was so aggravated!  I knew I was trained, I knew I was ready!  The course was flat, the day was warm, but not too bad...  And it was in my hometown!  I knew it was all just a part of running and racing, and I knew I needed to let it go, but it took me a while.

And that seemed odd. Not only had I fallen apart in a race where I should have done well, I was overly upset about it.  The next day I made myself run sub 8 pace on the treadmill as a sort of... punishment...?  Now, I love running, training, setting and reaching goals as much as the next runner, but I'm usually able to have a moment of disappointment, shrug my shoulders and move on.  But this time I was frustrated!  Angry!  And I couldn't understand why I hadn't been able to make my 1:46 time.

Well. I got my answer a few weeks later when I took a little pregnancy tests.  Positive!  Of course, in the half marathon it was just a wee little tiny spec, but it was there. Or should I say HE was there.  Yep.  We are expecting a baby boy in December. I AM SO EXCITED!  I can hardly stand myself, I am so excited.  Secretly I had hoped the reason for my slow half marathon would be a baby, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. I actually took a pregnancy test too early and it was negative. But all the symptoms were there. Not only was the half marathon slow and hard, ALL of my runs were. Maybe once a week I'd have a good run, but most were slogs.  I was hoping, but not daring to hope too much.

Jason knew all along. He even knew when the first test was negative.

We succeeded in keeping it a secret until that first 8 week appointment (where I was actually 9 weeks). After that we told our families and once I reached the second trimester, we told close friends and then anyone.  I'm almost 18 weeks now and I'm starting to show a little. I feel good mostly, and I'm glad the morning yuckies are gone. I never really got sick, but I usually felt yucky after eating breakfast each day.

Beach trip/work trip with Jason at 13.5 weeks preg

I had some good runs though!  We ran several races in which I did well and it was fun being the only one to know I was running with a little passenger. We ran a 4 mile race in Fayetteville, which was so gorgeous and fun.  I pushed Eloise in the stroller and it was HILLY!  Crazy hilly.  But I managed 4th female overall and 1st in my age group (it wasn't a super big race, but still.  A pregnant, stroller pushing win is a win!).

We ran two 10 milers, both in June.  The RC Cola Moonpie in Bell Buckle and the Firecracker Chase in Fayetteville. I won first in my age group in the Firecracker Chase, which was a huge surprise. I was taking it super easy in the heat, just enjoying being able to run 10 miles and feel good doing it. We ran the Firecracker 5k here in Huntsville on July 4th and I pushed Eloise in the stroller. We announced that day we were pregnant.

Just a family of 4 having fun on the 4th!

These races would be fun to recap, but for now I'll have to settle with a few pictures and a brief summary.  I can't believe it is almost August.  My girl will be turning 2 on the first and we are planning a little family cookout to celebrate. I'm looking forward to summer ending and cooler temps arriving so I don't have to get up so early to get in the miles (that is getting harder!), but I also don't want to wish away these golden summer days with just me and my girl. She is a hoot, and she brings me joy and laughter every day.  I'm pretty sure I have never done anything so satisfyingly wondering in this life as be her mama. And to be blessed with another little one of our own...well, I am so hugely grateful every day for such a gift.

That's all for now, my friends!  I'm going to try to be a bit more regular with my writing, but we shall see how that goes. Have a GREAT day!

Butterflies and Bunny Counts

It is springtime in July around here and this girl who is already longing for fall is LOVING it.  Some mornings (like today) it is the only thing that gets me out of bed, out the door, and down the road with my running shoes on.  Lovely, lovely weather.

Yesterday on my morning run I saw the most GLORIOUS sunrise.  I'm talking amazing.  Hot pink, orange, purple, and a few shades of blue all over the place.  I changed my route in order to be able to look at it longer.  It was beautiful.  Then I came home and checked on my caterpillars.  I have four in a butterfly house.  I posted a picture on Facebook of one eating my cilantro, and I left him to it because he was pretty. 

Well a friend and butterfly enthusiast quickly wrote that it was a Black Eastern Swallowtail and that I should keep him.  He also said my caterpillar might have pals and how to spot them.  Sure enough, there were 3 others on my plant.  I borrowed my sister's butterfly house and put them all in it with plenty of cilantro and parsley, refreshing it as they ate.

I named them Fred, Wilma, Pebbles and Bam Bam, and yesterday morning Wilma had cocooned (called a chrysalis).  It was so cool to see!  What was once this brightly colored BIG caterpillar was now this small brown blob (the cocoons look way too small to me to house the fat caterpillar that makes it).  

I have no idea how long they will stay in there, but this morning I checked and Fred was a cocoon as well.  I put more cilantro in the house for Pebbles and Bam Bam, and Bam stuck his horns out at me.  Bright orange things that come out of their heads.  They also release a scent but I couldn't smell anything. 

As I admired the critters in the butterfly house in amazement, I heard a noise behind me and turned to see a humming bird inspecting one of my flowering plants.  I love humming birds.  And I have so enjoyed these few days of cool temps, beautiful sunrises, and God's creation.  I'm currently at a 15 bunny sighting record for my runs (I keep count in the mornings), and that always makes me smile. No matter how many of them I see and how often I see them, it is fun every single time. 

I know all of this isn't just for me but sometimes when I am running alone in the quiet morning, it seems like it might be.  Like God is saying, "Good morning, child.  Look what I made today."  And I respond with how much I like it and how beautiful it is and thank you for sharing it with me. 

In other news, my baby girl (my most FAVORITE of God's creations) is turning 1 year old this week.  HOW it is already here, I have no idea.  She has one tooth and is starting to walk!  She loves swimming and playing in the tub and animals.  I'm planning a farm-themed birthday party and... about 20 people are coming.  Ha!  But it has consumed me most of this week so far and I love it.  I think I might be sad when it is over.

I've read some really good articles lately that I've wanted to post here (if I can find them), and I want to talk about the book I am reading (Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World), and how I am drinking in all things Dr. James Dobson right now in prep for the strong will of my baby girl, which is already making itself known. But that will have to wait.  For now, it is back to party planning and preparation.

May God show you BEAUTIFUL things today, my friends, and may you have your eyes open to see it when He does. 

Running and Raising the Napless Wonder

Hi Friends!  I really don't like going as long between blog posts, but these days I never know when I'll get a chance to write about all the important, oh-so-interesting things going on in my life. But please don't give up on me!  I'm not quitting, just having longer pauses.

So let's talk first about running since this is a running blog after all, and I am getting back to it!  Most of the time it is absolutely great.  With the fall weather upon us, my runs are stronger and more enjoyable each day and I am slowly getting closer to wear I used to be, which feels great both physically and mentally. From time to time I have a few runs that are just hard and it can be a tad discouraging, but my wonderful husband encourages me to push through it and just keep running, so I do. 

In August I ran 18 miles.  ha!  In September I ran 68 miles.  In October I ran 114 miles, and I hope to increase that even more in November.  When December gets here, depending on my consistency and running pace, I will change from base-building to actual training for my half-marathon in March.  I'm not sure what I will race before/after that, but for now that is what I have on the calendar.  And I am excited!

Today I had a GREAT run.  I took two days off because I was fighting off the beginnings of mastitis and let's face it, when your chest hurts you don't really want things bouncing around or crammed into a sports bra, so I just rested.  That meant today's run was good and strong, giving me my fastest 6 mile time since Eloise was born.  I ran 6.1 miles in 55:27 with splits reading 9:01, 9:25, 9:21, 9:04, 8:51, 8:57.  I am really happy with that. 

My runs usually range from 4-6 miles each day with 2 days off most weeks due to lack of sleep finally catching up to me or there being no way to fit it into the day.  I got up to 7 miles last week with Mom and that was really fun.  We took it easy, but hit several hard hills along the way. 

And the Napless Wonder, also known as Eloise, is 3 months old!  It is hard to believe so much time has passed and it will soon be Thanksgiving and then Christmas (two more changes for fun firsts in my baby girl's life)... and then 2013! 

So, Eloise doesn't nap.  And really, since she sleeps pretty well most nights I guess I will take it.  She usually falls asleep in my arms a few times each day, but when I try to lay her down her eyes pop open and she is immediately wide awake and ready to go.  It is crazy.  I have a routine/schedule and I pick up on when she is starting to get tired at set times each day.  I give her the pacifier and rock her in her room and she usually falls asleep, but in order for her to stay that way she has to be held.  That means chores, work out videos, blogging, etc. do not get done as easily as I thought they would, but we are making it.  Eloise goes from her chair to her swing to the front pack (the backpack thing that goes on the front), to being held.  When Mom comes, I get to squeeze in a run or some chores, and I take her to my sister's once or twice a week to run as well.  But wow.  I thought babies slept!

A few days ago I tried the cry-it-out method just to see if it would work.  I got Eloise to sleep and put her down in her bassinet.  She woke up as usual, so I patted her and put the paci back in her mouth.  Then I hopped in the shower.  I could hear her, but figured it would be short.  I got out of the shower, dried my hair and got dressed, all the while listening to her cry (vehemently) and going in to pat her every few minutes.  After 35 minutes, I'd had enough.  There is no way I'm cut out for that method and to me, it just doesn't seem right to let her get that upset.  We will figure this nap thing out, but it won't be that way!  I felt like the meanest person on the planet!

Most of the time our days are simply wonderful and I still can't believe that this little life is mine.  I mean, she belongs to the Lord, of course, but He has intrusted her with me and I can't believe it.  I also can't believe that a little over 3 months ago, this little girl wasn't here and now all of a sudden there is this life, this soul, this heartbeat and she is mine... I guess parents get used to this eventually...?

And now for some cuteness.  Enjoy!

Eloise Jane was a tiger for her first Halloween

And this is how I decorated my trunk at our church's annual Trunk-or-Treat event

The fam at Jason's work picnic - Eloise 13 weeks!

Hanging with her cousins, Thor and the Karate Kid on Halloween (and just so you know, that girl is really a green belt!)

Because I think my baby girl is just beautiful.

Singing to Eloise

Singing to Eloise has become so much more than simply singing my baby girl to sleep.  When I first started singing to her I could hardly finish a song without getting choked up by the words and the love I felt for this new little person who now belonged to me.  Gratefulness would well up inside, overwhelming me and I would pause, swallow, and whisper the words until my voice returned.  As time passed, however, I got to where I could finish most of the songs, although I still get choked up from time to time even now.

When I ran out of songs I could remember in my head, I asked Mom if she had any old hymnals.  She had two and she brought them to me.  I had so much fun looking through them and singing bits and pieces of several old favorites to Eloise.  I was so excited to remember them all, I could hardly settle on one before I was drawn to another old favorite and then another and another.  Not only were the words of these precious songs a balm for my tired and sometimes worried mind, turning the event of rocking Eloise to sleep into a time of devotion, but they brought so many sweet memories to the surface as well.

One minute I would be sitting in my home church, Jenks Avenue Church of Christ in Panama City, FL, the place that will always be dearest to my heart as it was the place I first REALLY believed and wanted to spend my life following Christ.  I have so many dear people and sweet memories of that place and so many songs to remind me of it.

The next moment I am at Camp Wiregrass in Enterprise, AL.  I was a camper and then a counselor from the 2nd grade through my college years and the songs I sing to Eloise take me to the chapel there surrounded by woods, sitting shoulder to shoulder on a hot summer morning with some of the best people in this world.

Another moment I am at the Auburn Christian Student Center sitting among 200 or so of my college peers and fellow Christians, singing at the top of our lungs to the Lord we loved.  The two years I spent there were two of my all time favorite and as I sing the songs of that time, I smile down at my baby girl hoping the same wonderful college experience for her.

I even spend a few minutes in China where, to combat loneliness and culture shock I would sit in the floor of my apartment, open my "borrowed" devotional book from the Auburn Christian Student Center, and sing and sing and sing until my soul felt closer to home even as I was so far away. When my Chinese students asked me to sing, those were the songs I chose.

The words to these sweet songs make me smile because many of them are very old fashioned, but that just makes them all the more dear.  Like sitting and talking with my grandfather who loved old poetry, they make me feel safe, loved, and watched over.  "And He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own..."

"Love so amazing, so divine demands my soul, my life, my all."

"Who knows your disappointments?  Who hears each time you cry?  Who understands your heartache? Who dries the tears from your eyes? Do you know my Jesus?  Do you know my friend?  Have you heard He loves you and that He will abide 'till the end?"

"How sweet to hold a newborn baby and feel the pride and joy (s)he gives, but greater still that calm assurance, this child can face uncertain days because He lives.  Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone, because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives." 

"Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling."

"Have we trials and temptations?  Is there trouble anywhere?  We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share?  Jesus knows our every weakness:  Take it to the Lord in prayer."

"Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come, t'was grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."

"Never let me wander from thee, never leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."

"My God and I go in the field together, we walk and talk as good friends should and do; we clasp our hands, our voices ring with laughter, my God and I walk through the meadow's hue..."

"Love one another for love is of God, he who loves is born of God and knows God, he who does not love does not know God, for God is Love. God is Love."

And the list goes on and on and on as the words speak to my soul, warm my heart and become a prayer for the little girl in my arms.  I hope she learns some of these older songs along with the the new.  I hope she has so many wonderful memories with friends who love God as much as she hopefully will.  I hope she chooses to follow Him all of her life, and I hope I will teach her in the way God would have me.  I hope she sees how much I love Him and try to be like Christ in all I do.  I fail all the time, but I won't stop trying all the same.  As I sing I pray for my baby girl, this land in which she will grow, her safety.  I say thank you again and again and again because I want my God to KNOW, really know how much I love this gift He has given me. 

I love singing to Eloise.  I don't have the best voice and I can't reach the high notes and I mix up the first and second verses of many of the songs, and I'm sure I sing off key as well.  But sing on I shall because singing to Eloise is really so much more than simply singing to Eloise.

Today

Today has been a nice day.  It's a Saturday, for starters, so that means Jason is home with us.  I got in another great 5 mile run with negative splits and that fills me with joy.  Part of me has been a little afraid to love so ardently what I loved before I had Eloise because that would look like I didn't love Eloise as much as I should, but that isn't true.  I'm still Jane the girl who loves to run and I will always be.  I hope.  I've been that girl through middle school, high school, college, a year in China, some years as a single white female, newly-weddedness, marriage, old jobs and new jobs and now I'm still that girl in motherhood.  I'm Jane the girl who loves to run and the girl who loves motherhood even more.

But that doesn't mean motherhood is easy peasy.  And if I'm anything, I am someone who does NOT like to admit something is hard.  Because that would mean I'm weak and I don't like to be (look) weak.  I like to be Big Strong Jane who can handle anything (and I can handle most things - even the "hard" in motherhood).

I get really tired and sometimes I am cranky at Jason.  If I don't run or work out I get cranky too.  (Poor Jason).  Some evenings my arms and back ache from holding her and I just want to put her down for a second, but then she is fussy and I'd rather have an aching back.  I don't like having extra weight on my person.  I just don't.  That doesn't mean I'm judging anyone with extra weight, that just means I don't like mine.  This is another thing that is hard to admit because if I don't like my weight, it might seem like I don't like Eloise because she is the reason for that extra weight, or it might make me look just plain shallow.  But no, I LOVE Eloise while still not liking the extra weight.  And this may sound conceited, but it has been a long time since I've had extra weight to dislike.  I also know for a fact I'm not shallow so that will have to do.

Today my mom and a few other friends ran the Southern Tennessee Plunge Marathon in Winchester, TN.  I ran that one last year and LOVED it.  I hadn't trained for it at all, but it turned out to be one of my favorite marathon experiences ever because it was just so lovely.  It was the last big race I ran before getting pregnant the next month.  Since then I've viewed it as my little gift from God before the really BIG gift from God.  Kind of a last hurrah before marathon running was put on hold.  So this year I remembered loving it and thought of all my peeps who were running it and I got a tad sad.  There is also my old group of running girls who are about to run a marathon together.  For a few of them it is their first ever.  It makes me sad that I have not been a part of that.  They even made shirts.  How fun is that?  And now I can hardly get them to remember to add me back to the e-mail list when planning morning runs.  That may be even more sad.

None of that keeps me down, though, because of Eloise.  I adore that child.  I love motherhood way more than I thought I would. You really just have no idea until you have one, and then you know things you didn't know you didn't know.  I also know my day is coming.  My running is coming back to me.  My body remembers and even with some extra weight, I am feeling like I used to feel when I ran.  Free and strong and powerful.  So while I may sigh for a moment, I'm over it pretty quickly.

Today I also read this blog on Momastery.  You know, sometimes I really like this writer and sometimes she gets on my nerves, but mostly I like her.  And I LOVED what she wrote today.  She's so wildly honest and that is refreshing to read.  I am honest too, but I like to be honest about the good stuff.  I like to gloss over the bad stuff and push it under the bed where no one can see it.  I guess part of me feels like it isn't that bad to begin with and talking about it would make it seem worse than it is.  It is just life.  And I absolutely love life, so a little dust under the bed doesn't really bother me long term. 

So I'm stealing this from Momastery because I loved it:

And I'm not really sure what else to say except that I've noticed I start a lot of sentences with "and."  I think it is my way of being rebellious towards my middle school English teacher. 

Two Tickets to Paradise

This past Sunday Jason had to go to Florida for work so I took myself and my baby girl to my parents' house in Tennessee.  This was Eloise's very first trip away from home and we had a wonderful time!  It was almost like old times for me back when my mom and dad retired and first moved there in 2004.  They built a house on 150 acres of wooded land and Dad accurately named their long driveway "Shangri-la."  I used to go up there all the time to just hang out with them in this beautiful, peaceful place, hike in the woods, and to do long training runs with Mom. 

The view of Shangri-la from the house

Sunday night Mom kindly offered to give Eloise a bottle and take the night shift so I went up to the loft (what I call the princess room) to sleep alone... just like I used to do.  I spent many nights up there in the princess room day dreaming, looking out my 2nd story window at the woods below, sleeping in the peaceful silence that surrounds the house, and I even waited up there in my wedding dress before walking downstairs with my dad to marry Jason in 2007. 

Before crawling into bed Sunday night with a book my sister had given me (reading...something I haven't done since Eloise was born), I walked around the room looking at the pictures on the wall and remembering.  It was a strange sensation to realize I was back in this place, but with a baby girl downstairs sleeping in her bassinet.  I was no longer the single girl wondering what the future would hold...I was living that future.

I slept 6 straight hours that night and it was heaven.  Mom brought my wiggly baby girl up to me at 5:00 a.m. so she could run a 20 miler with some friends and Eloise and I enjoyed a quiet, peaceful morning together.  When I went downstairs I made coffee and spent the morning talking with Dad until Mom got home and kept Eloise while I went for my run.

I walked the 0.4 down Shangri-la before starting to run once I got to the main road. I ran on this beautiful, quiet country road not seeing a single car or human the entire way.  I did see some turkeys, butterflies, birds and one tiny green snake that I almost stepped on, giving a delayed-reaction "whoop!" and hopping in the air once I realized what it was.  I ran 4 miles and felt great in the cool morning air.  It was heavenly. Following my run I did one of my Jillian Michael's videos and Mom made me a delicious breakfast sandwich, which is basically a grilled cheese with an egg in it. 

The few days I was there eased gently by and we hung out together, enjoying my baby girl and each others company.  On Tuesday we put Eloise down for a nap and Mom and I went for a short run together.  When we returned we found Dad walking around the house holding her.  She had awoken from her nap only to fall asleep again with Dad. 

I love this!

Each day we put Eloise in the "front pack" as we call it to get her used to it. This baby girl likes to be held and around dinner time it would help if I could do that hands free.  She puts up with it for a while before she whines, but each time she stays there a little bit longer.

A short walk down Shangri-la

We spent a good bit of time drinking coffee, sitting on the front porch enjoying the cool fall breezes and the wonderful smell of the woods.  I held my baby girl and soaked up every moment of these slow, easy days.  Have I mentioned it was absolutely heavenly?  I haven't been keeping up with my gift list on this blog, but as I sat on my parents' huge front porch and rocked my sleeping baby girl, I know I counted to a thousand right then and there.

Rocking on the front porch

Part of my view

Two of the four kitties that live outside

Our last day at my parents' I was nursing Eloise upstairs in the early morning and I heard noises coming from the woods.  I went to the window and directly below us were two deer.  My window was open and Eloise was making all sorts of baby noises.  The two deer looked around for the source of the sound before taking off into the woods. Every night I left my window open, sleeping and waking to the sound of the birds and the wind in the trees. 

I went for one last run down my beautiful country road route and ran 4 miles again in 42:30.  That's really good for me these days, especially on this hilly route.  I was sad to see my few days in paradise end, although I was glad to get home to see Jason too.  We finished up our week with my niece and nephew's karate belt promotion.  I can't help but hope Eloise might follow in her cousin's footsteps one day.

Caroline is the orange/green belt in front

Caleb (right) facing an opponent

The kids and their fans

What Eloise did during the belt test

Now Jason is home and it is back to life as usual.  And life as usual is pretty great, but I had a truly wonderful and restful time with my parents and my baby girl in paradise.

Songs and Surprises

As I near the end of this pregnancy and the beginning of who knows what in the wild world of motherhood, I am forced to slow down.  I allow it too, knowing that it is best for my body as it gets ready to have this baby girl.  I still try to get my hour of exercise a day, but it is usually walking and swimming these days.  I've let running go and been at peace with it (mostly) because when it is uncomfortable the desire is not there.  I mean, I remember flying across the pavement unhindered by a protruding belly or an extra 20 pounds and I miss that, but since it is not the reality of today, I am okay with it. 

Mostly...

Until I download some new songs and they make me want to move my feet to the beat and get my boogey on.  Yesterday I decided I was definitely in need of some new tunes.  As my tiredness increases and motivation wanes, new tunes are sometimes what get me out the door and help me keep a good walking pace as well.  I love losing myself in a good song!

The first time I got to listen to them was on the treadmill at the YMCA.  I was planning to meet two friends to swim, but I hadn't walked that morning due to the rain.  It rained pretty steady most of the day, so I decided I'd hop on the treadmill before I swam.  The Y is great because the treadmills face these huge windows and while all I'm looking at is trees and grass, that is a better view than my bedroom door, especially on a rainy day.

After walking for about 8 minutes, I was yearning to run.  I wanted to see how it felt, I wanted to push it just a little, I longed for it.  I worried for a few minutes what others might think of a pregnant woman running on the treadmill (whether they'd think it was unsafe or just plain funny), but then I thought, "who cares" and slowly increased the speed of the belt.  I left it at 13 minutes for a bit and then 12:30 and then 12:00, eventually going down to 11:45 for a bit.

It felt GREAT!  I only ran for about 1.5-2 miles of the 3.5 I did on the treadmill, but it was so invigorating to run, to sweat a little more, to let the song in my ears spur on my feet.  It may be silly, and maybe God isn't interested in these little joys we humans find...but I always think of these late pregnancy runs, however brief and slow they may be, as gifts from him.  Little surprises reminding me to keep my chin up and hang in there. 

I made sure to look out onto the freshly washed landscape in front of me and send up a thank you for my little running surprise on the treadmill that day.  I was shortly joined by Shannon and Jane, and getting to talk to Shannon finished out the run/walk nicely.  It had been a GREAT workout and it was followed up with 10 refreshing laps in the pool.  I usually do 20, but after a more intense workout (and the proximity to lunch time) I cut the swim short and just used it to loosen everything up.

My 5 new songs are below in case you too need some new music to get you going on a hot summer morning!

1. Some Nights by Fun.  This is probably my favorite of my new five.  I love this guy's voice and I think if I sang this song, I'd sing it just like he does in this video.


2. Me Without You by Toby Mac.


3. Let's Go by Calvin Harris (featuring Ne-Yo).  "It's not about what you've done, its about what you're doing."  Rings so true for the runner!


4. Don't Wake Me Up by Chris Brown.  The talking makes me laugh at the beginning, but I really like the song/music.  Talking in music always cheeses me out a bit.


5. Wipe Your Eyes by Maroon 5.  I love his voice too and most every song they've made so far...

A Hilariously Awesome Gift

Last night my church threw me a baby shower and let me just say it was a whirlwind!  It took place at 8pm, right after class and since our class went over a bit and then I had to use the ladies room, I got there a little late.  There were snacks and punch on one table and presents on another.  When I was spotted, one of the hostesses quickly ushered me to my chair, pinned a corsage made of baby socks on my shirt and told me to get started.  My friend, Amy handed me presents and my sister wrote down who gave me what.  As I opened, friends came by my chair to say hello and I waved at others across the room.  Jason mingled with other friends and I made a mental note to get the scoop on all of his conversations when the shower was over.  As for me, I was on present-opening duty. 

It was the fastest whirlwind of the cutest baby stuff that I have ever seen.  My niece and two other little girls helped me and together we got it done.  Everyone was so sweet and I was overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of my wonderful church family. 

One of my dear friends and a fellow runner as well gave me a gift that was perfect and hilarious in so many ways.  Shannon has two kids and they are friends with my sister's kids and our husbands are all friends and we get together for triple dates, running dates, races, etc. Well, the gift from Shannon was just hilariously awesome and we all had a good laugh about it.  She said it was for me, not just for Eloise, so this morning I got it out and put it together. 

According to the box, this is a Playmobile special called Mum with Jogging Stroller, and I have no idea where or how she found it, but I absolutely love it. 

In other news, I got a really good night's sleep last night, which has made this day even better.  Yesterday was sort of a slow, draggy day and so today I am feeling awake, alive and ready to tackle some projects that didn't get touched yesterday, and I'll kick it off with a visit to my doctor for a checkup. 

MORE Christmas Gifts for Runners

A few days ago I put together a full list of practical, much needed gifts for runners that most likely will not break the bank.  You can find it here. When visiting Runnersworld.com yesterday, I saw they too had some gift guides. The first I saw was a slide show of unique runner gifts.  Some of these are just downright cool.  They listed Christmas ornaments, unique running shirt ideas, customizable race bib coasters, and even a race bib rack (compliments of etsy).  A few of them are kind of goofy - such as the banana and gorilla costume, but the others are fun.  Take a look at the slide show for some unique ideas!

Unique Gifts for Runners

If you like the Christmas ornament idea, our local (Huntsville, AL) specialty running stores carry them.  I'm not 100% sure about Fleet Feet, but last year First Place Athletics had a ton in all colors that read 13.1, 26.2, Runner Girl, etc. 

After reading about the unique gift options, I switched over to their 2011 Holiday Gift Guide.  These are a little more expensive, but may give you more ideas on gifts to give your favorite runner.

Runner's World 2011 Holiday Gift Guide

Enjoy!

Christmas Gifts for Runners

Are you the best friend, spouse, sibling or parent of a runner?  Do you want to support their running hobby but don't know where to start?  Working with a tight budget?  This is the list for you!

I have compiled a list of gift ideas and all the information about each gift (location, price, function, good brands and brands to avoid, etc.).  I cannot count how many times friends have asked me what to get the special runner in their life and this is my attempt to help!  For any runners reading, add your suggestions in the comments section!

Socks

Most avid runners go through socks quickly and believe it or not, good socks are important to help avoid blisters and hot spots. 

• Balega socks (one of my faves) are about $12.99 a pair, unless you find a deal.  Fleet Feet sometimes offers buy 3 get 1 free.  Most specialty running stores like Fleet Feet carry these socks.  I have not found them in larger sports stores such as Dick's or Sports Authority, but you can also order them online for cheaper prices. 

• Feetures is another good brand and these can also be found at many specialty running stores as well as some larger sports stores. Visit their site here.

• Asics, Nike, and Reebok are also good brands and you can usually get 3 pair for $12.99 and they come in loud and sassy designs and colors.  Most large sports stores such as Dick's and Sports Authority carry these brands.  

• One brand to avoid when sock shopping is Under Armor.  I bought a pack of 6 socks and after one wear and wash, the toes had holes in them. I like their cotton-like running shirts, but I will not buy anymore of their socks (even if they do have some fun color schemes).

Hats and Visors

These are another great gift for runners. I like visors best to protect me from bright sun and bugs, but in cold temps, I wear a toboggan. 

• Headsweats are my all time favorite brand for visors. You can find these at specialty running stores such as Fleet Feet or your local running shop, and some other athletic stores carry them as well.  These run around $20-$25.  You can also order them online.

• As for toboggans, I think the louder the color the better.  You can get these at Target, Wal-mart, Dick's, Sports Authority, Fleet Feet, First Place Athletics, etc. 

Gloves

These are another must for cold weather running.  I prefer to buy the super cheap pairs in case I need to toss them in a race.

• Target and Wal-mart sell these for $1.50-$2.00 for 2 pairs and these come in all sorts of colorful designs.  A great stocking stuffer, and like socks, you can't have too many. 

• If you want a nicer pair, Nike and Under Armor have some great gloves and you can get these at both specialty running stores and the larger sports stores such as Dick's and Sport's Authority.  These run from $20-$30 dollars depending on the brand. 

Books

There are some great reads out there for runners so if your runner is a reader too, here are a few titles they may enjoy.  Most of these can be found at local bookstores, although a safe bet is always amazon.com.  Some specialty running stores carry popular titles as well.

• My Life on the Run by Bart Yasso.  This is one of my all time favorite running books.  Filled with stories of triumph and defeat, humor and adventure, this is the perfect book to inspire, uplift, and explain the highs and lows of a runner's journey. The paperback version is available on Amazon.com for $6.78, but there are not many copies left in stock.

• Born to Run by Christopher McDougall.  This is another adventure story that covers the issues of running form, shoes and natural running.  McDougall tells the story of a hidden tribe of "superatheletes" the reclusive Tarahumara Indians of Mexico’s deadly Copper Canyons.  A great read to the very end.  This one is $15.82 on Amazon.com.

• Run the Edge by Adam Goucher and Tim Catalano.  This is a great read full of inspiring, moving stories to motivate every runner from the experienced to those just starting out.  This book can be found at their website for $17.95.

•  Mile Markers by Kristin Armstrong.  I have not read this one yet, but it is on my wish list this Christmas.  I have been reading Kristin's blog on the Runner's World website and I really like her writing style and approach to running.  You can get this one at Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com for around $11.00.

• The Runner's Rule Book by Mark Remy.  This is another favorite of mine.  A hilarious mixture of true and witty running etiquette.  I found this one in Barnes & Noble a long time ago so I'm not sure if they still carry it, but you can find it on Amazon.com for $12.23. 

Injury Prevention

Two things I use when trying to stretch out sore tendons and muscles are the foam roller (written about here) and the stick.  Low priced and easy to use, these items are a must for the avid runner in your life. 

• Foam roller - I purchased mine from Power Systems online for $18.95 (36x6).  The standard white foam roller is great for getting to those hard to stretch areas such as the IT band.  You can also find these at Fleet Feet and other specialty running or sports stores. 

• The Stick - This is another rolling self massage tool, but one you hold in your hands.  It is more mobile so runners can take it to races and events out of town if they wish.  Many specialty running stores such as Fleet Feet carry this item, and you can also find it on Amazon.com.  It runs from $27-45 depending on the brand. 

Stocking Stuffers

Below are some smaller items to keep your runner safe, visible and well fueled for those longer runs.

• Mace - Many running stores sell small mace sprayers, but you can also find them at places like Gander Mountain, Wal-mart, Dick's, Sports Authority, etc. They come in all colors and sizes and are great if your runner goes for early morning or late afternoon runs in the dark.  These range from $10-$20 depending on brand.

• Sports Beans - Many runners (and other athletes as well) use these for quick, easy, portable fuel.  They are a lot like jelly beans but with more than just sugar, and you can find these at most sports stores like Fleet Feet or Sports Authority. They cost around $3.00 each.

• Blinky lights - These are also important to keep your runner visible if they run in the dark.  There are clip on lights and even lights you can wear like rings.  You can get a 12 pack of the rings from Amazon.com for around $12.00.  They are called Flashing LED Bumpy Rings.  You can get the clip on lights from stores such as Fleet Feet for around $5-$12 depending on the brand. 

• Other types of fuel your runner might like to try are Gu, Nuun, Honey Stinger bars, and Power Bar bites and gummies.  These all make good stocking stuffers as well.

• Body Glide - This is another must for runners.  It is an anti-chafe agent and it works like a charm.  It comes in different sized tubes that look a lot like deodorant.  Prices vary according to what size tube you get and these can be found at all sports stores and race expos as well.

• iPod Shuffle - Okay, maybe a little more than a stocking stuffer, this gift usually runs around $45-$50 depending on where you get it.  For the runner who likes to rock out during a run, this is the easiest device.  It clips on apparel (and many types of running apparel provide pockets for it), so that the runner hardly knows it is there.  The controls are easy to use without looking, so runners can change a song, adjust the volume or pause it in mere seconds. You can find these at Wal-mart, Target, Best Buy, the Apple Store, and online on Amazon.com. An iTunes gift card is always a nice addition to this gift as well. 

Apparel

This can sometimes be tricky unless you know your runner well and know their sizes.  I'm pretty picky about what I wear since I like to be comfortable and feel like I look good in what I wear.  Some brands run small while others run large, so that can be tough too.  However, one safe bet is usually the tempo short.

• Tempo shorts come in all colors and are great for not only running but for gym classes, weights, walking and yard mowing.  These can be found everywhere and run around $25.00 a pair. You can even get these designed with your favorite sports team logo on them as well.

• A good rule of thumb when purchasing apparel is to keep the gift receipt.  That way your runner can pick something that works if your gift does not.  Either way, you are helping them in their running journey, so don't feel bad if what you picked doesn't fit. A running apparel shopping spree is always fun!  

Gift Certificate Ideas

Wanting to spend a bit more on the special runner in your life?  Here are some gift certificate ideas that may help.

• Deep Tissue Massage - A massage does wonders for your runner and is always such a treat.  Most spas have some sort of deep tissue massage (although you can't really go wrong with any of the other massage types), but if you are a Huntsville local I would suggest Kim Susor at the Body Reform Pilates Fitness Studio or Naomi Jacobs with Massage and Movement Synergy.  These run anywhere from $70-$100. 

• Pedicures -  I don't know a runner (at least in the female category) who does not enjoy a good pedicure.  These run anywhere from $25-$30 depending on where you go (a spa may be more than a nail salon).  One thing to check on before you purchase your gift certificate, however, is the health score.  This is usually posted somewhere inside the salon, and I would not settle for less than 100%.  

• Private coaching or a personal trainer - If your runner is seeking to improve, one of these can always be of assistance.  It is my turn to put in a shameless plug for Running Start, LLC.  I do provide gift certificates and would love to work with your favorite runner to help them reach a distance goal, work on speed and endurance, running form and injury prevention. Check out my website for packages and pricing. 

Was this list helpful?  Did I leave out anything important?  Feel free to send questions in the comments section and I, along with my other running readers will share our thoughts and comments on the matter.  I will also add anything else I think of, so check back for new ideas.  Good luck shopping for your runner.  You never know... you may discover an interest in the sport yourself.

Light Up the Sky

I often write about what the sky looks like on my morning run. I think it is one of my most favorite sights.  I love what God does with the sky.  I don't have to go to a museum to see impressive works of art, and I don't have to travel to far away lands to see the most beautiful places this earth has to offer.  I can simply look up.

This morning I started my run with my back to the sunrise.  I ran a familiar loop through my neighborhood which has me running in the same direction for almost a mile before it changes.  At one point I was turning right and I glanced to my left...and I almost stopped to stare.  There was one large cloud in the sky and it was electric orange and pink on a backdrop of pale blue.  I knew it was only a few minutes before I would turn and be able to really look, but I couldn't help myself. I had to keep turning around to get just one more glance.

When I finally rounded the corner and could see it easily, I marveled.  What a sky!  What brilliant colors!  Would I ever get tired of seeing this?  It wasn't but a few minutes and those electric colors were gone.  Just like that, they were replaced with soft pinks and purples as if the first picture had been removed and a brand new one put in its place.  For the remainder of my run, I watched the sky change.  Clouds came and went, colors glowed and muted, and it was amazing.

When I got home I had to move fast to be ready for work on time.  I let Chance out, made coffee, hopped in the shower, got dressed, packed a lunch and a gym bag, kissed Jason - all the while thinking about the busy day ahead and how to be ready and what I needed to do first and second, and would I get it all done...

And then on the way to work one of my favorite songs came on the radio.  It is called "Light Up the Sky" by The Afters, and when I heard the first few notes I pushed away my harried thoughts and grinned.  I sang along, remembering the light show during my morning run.  No matter how crazy my day was going to be, it started out with the most beautiful gift and that filled my heart and mind with peace, gratefulness...and love.  I felt loved.  And it is hard to feel stressed, anxious or worried with that on my mind.

So I run straight into Your arms

You're the bright and morning sun

To show your love, there's nothing You won't do...

Foggy Friday Running

Sometimes I think the very best part of my day happens before 7:00 am.  As I told Mom the other day in regards to counting our gifts, it is easiest to find them in the early morning hours spent running - witnessing sunrises, bird song, peaceful solitude or conversation with close friends.  During the long, sometimes monotonous hours at work, I forget to keep an eye out. I get bored, I get annoyed, I want to do something else... and I forget about my wonderful, gift-filled morning.

This morning was one of those mornings.  Now that No Boundaries has started again, I offer a Friday morning alternate run to any participants who want company, coaching or encouragement on another of their 3 weekly workouts besides our regular Tuesday afternoon session.  The meeting spot is only 2 miles from my house, so I usually run there, run with them, and then run back home.

When I opened the door this morning, I was surprised to see a heavy fog had descended some time in the night.  It was still dark outside and the fog was thick, but instead of being eerie it was peaceful.  The birds were not bothered by the fog and they sang out as usual.  The misty fog made everything seem quieter and sleepier, as if I really was the only one out there (besides all the birds).  It was so pleasant!

I jogged to meet the group, not really knowing who or how many would be there.  When our meeting place came into view, I saw a crowd!  There were four No Boundaries runners, a participant from a previous session, and three other coaches.  I was so impressed!  We did our workout, and I enjoyed catching up with a friend I worked with long ago.  After the run I stood around and chatted with them for a bit before running back home.  

I love peaceful morning runs.  I love helping new runners get started and discover something they like to do.  I love talking with friends, old and new.  I love seeing the world wake up, and I love that I love all of these things.  I also love writing about it all (as you've probably noticed) because my hope is that someone will read something they like and go try it themselves.  Maybe someone will be encouraged.  Sometimes that someone is me.  I often return to a post to relive a morning moment, to remind myself of the gifts I've received, especially during those moments when I find it hard to see them. 

In her book, "One Thousand Gifts," Ann Voskamp describes the writing down of our daily gifts to be like "unwrapping love."  I think of my returning to my posts and my list like that.  It is unfortunate how easily I can forget the glory all around me.  I can so easily get bogged down in my computer screen, to-do lists, shuffling paper from one side of my desk to the other, and the endless needs of students and co-workers... that I forget I had the most magical, gift-filled morning... just like that.

So I have recorded, once again, a gift-filled experience that I can return to and unwrap all over again.  My hope is that you too, dear reader, will find some wonderful gifts just waiting for you to unwrap today as well!

Rainy Running Revelry

Yesterday morning I stood up my running partner.  Flat out stood her up!  She drove to my house and waited on me to come outside for 15 minutes before going back home to do her run solo.  When I realized this, I was mortified!  I had totally forgotten we made Monday morning plans the week before, and I was so disappointed and frustrated with myself.

She was very sweet about it, though.  I apologized profusely and she said she was just glad I was okay and that she would come again next Monday.  Her name is Jane, by the way. 

Forgetting my morning running date (and lounging around in bed too long) meant it was the treadmill for me after work.  I would have planned it for lunchtime, but I was going to help my sister with her very first home school PE class (which was a total blast and I discovered some mean hula hooping skills in the process).

After work it was drizzly and 75 degrees.  As I drove to the gym, I changed my mind about the treadmill.  Since no lightning accompanied the drizzle and it was a little cooler than usual, I decided to go home and run outside. 

As I got dressed at home, the rain picked up.  Still no lightning, though, so I headed out anyway.  It turned out to be the best decision ever.  I had one of the best runs I have had in a long time.  My average pace was 8:17 with two of those miles being under 8 minutes.  It felt great and I was so excited to experience a run like that in August!

As summer prepares to give way to fall, my thoughts begin to turn once again to the marathon.  As I ran yesterday, I thought about how I'd felt at the beginning of the summer.  I had just run a SUPER hot marathon in April and I was ready for a break.  And even amidst the triathlon training, there was the feeling of constant striving, pushing and struggling that was wearing me down mentally and physically.  But once I decided to let go and do what I loved the most... I felt rested.  I was free to enjoy it for all the reasons I had always enjoyed it, and I slowly began to feel...ready.

That does not mean I'm going to start marathon training next week. It is still August after all, and despite this brief respite from the heat, it is not gone for good.  It simply means I'm ready to work on my base - I'm ready to think about marathon training.  I will continue working my way up and over 10 miles so that when I do start to train, my body is ready for the increase in mileage and speed.  And for the first time in 4 months, I am ready to think about these things.

It is a good feeling.  And my rainy day run helped quite a bit.  I consider it a gift.  After forgetting my planned run with Jane yesterday morning, I prayed, "I know there is a reason for everything, Lord, but I REALLY wish I had not forgotten this morning's run."  Maybe God had a gift He wanted to give me that day. A gift He knew I needed.  I like to think so anyway.

Sunday's Gifts

Seeing the joy.  Seeing God.  Giving thanks.  Being thankful.  In everything.  No matter what.  This is what I am striving to achieve, and I am going to tell you right now, this is POWERFUL stuff.  Life-changing, joy-giving, God stuff.  It is the stuff I have been focusing on the last week or so, and the gifts I see, they change me.  

This Sunday morning my niece sat next to me during church service.  I will admit this is one of the main reasons I enjoy church.  Right or wrong, there it is.  With the man I love on one side, and two precious kids on the other, with my sister nearby... it just makes God's presence seem real and close and wonderful.

Caroline usually sits close to me, so that our shoulders are touching.  Sometimes she puts her head on my shoulder or leans into me as we sing, pray, and listen to the morning's lesson.  Sometimes she takes my arm, sometimes she puts her head in my lap, and I bask in the wonderfulness of it.  I absolutely adore this child.

I stroke her hair with my hand and think about the days when she will be too big to lean against me and too old to think sitting next to Aunt Jane is so fun.  So I soak in these moments and hold onto them tight.  I try to slow them down so that each second lasts an hour.

This particular Sunday morning, Jason's parents joined us and we were sitting behind Mark and Julie.  Caleb sat with them, and Caroline came back to join me.  We sang a few songs, the last being, "Love One Another," which is a favorite of mine.  Caroline does not usually sing.  She stands when we stand and is attentive, but she does not sing (although, I know she does when in class with her friends).  When the song showed up on the large screens in the front of the church, she noticed.  She had my hand in hers and together, we sang the alto part of the song.  We repeated it again and again as the other parts and verses joined us.

"Love one another, for love is of God.  He who loves is born of God and knows God.  He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love. God is love." 

With Caroline's voice accompanying mine, Jason and his family and my family all around us, the beautiful sound of all the parts coming together, and the powerful simplicity of the words we were singing, I could hardly finish a verse without my voice cracking.  I had to swallow and work hard to pull it together as I did not want anything to interrupt this perfect moment.

What a gift!  What a powerful, amazing, sweet, precious, WONDERful, gift!  I've been counting and keeping watch.  I've been noticing the beauty around me, the things that make me smile, and an overwhelming thankfulness takes over every moment I spend thinking on things that are true and right and noble and good.  But this gift...this gift takes the cake.  Or it IS the cake.

Caroline's voice.  The words we were singing.  Being surrounded by those I love... what a gift.  Gifts within gifts.  I am still holding on to that moment.  I wrote it on my gift-list for yesterday, but maybe remembering it should go on today's list. 

I leave you with a favorite quote of mine in the book, "One Thousand Gifts" (along with the suggestion that you read it for yourself).

"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."

- Sarah Ban Breathnach

40 Miles and 1000 Gifts

For the past month or so I've been a little out of sorts.  I've been angry, frustrated, annoyed, uninterested and I haven't liked feeling that way.  That isn't me and it isn't how I like to exist.  I have fought this off and on, trying to let things go, trying not to allow people to get under my skin or hurt my feelings, and I've had varying degrees of success, but nothing lasting.

This weekend we went to Florence, AL to do the W.C. Handy bike ride.  I was planning to do the 40 or the 60 mile, and Jason was doing the full 107.  I was not really looking forward to this.  I didn't have a buddy and I get so bored riding by myself for hours.  I was dreading it and Jason could tell.  I tried to put on a happy face for him because I knew he wanted and needed this ride, and I did not want him to feel bad about that.  I enjoy doing these things with him, even if some of them aren't my cup of tea.

And I knew from last year that this ride was beautiful, so I thought I just might surprise myself and enjoy it.  I wanted to enjoy it.

Jason stayed with me for a few miles before riding on.  As I rode along, I could feel the feelings of anger and frustration and boredom begin to well up and I fought them again.  I talked to God about it, I tried to soak in the peaceful morning beauty of the fields surrounding me.  I tried not to think of 40 lonely miles of just me and these fields...

And then out of nowhere someone said, "I like your shoes!"  I looked to my left and there was a rider.  I looked down at my shoes in confusion before saying thanks.  She asked me how far I was going and I said either 40 or 60 depending on how I felt. I forgot to ask her what she was doing.  We rode close together for a while each taking turns in front.  I decided it had been rude not to return the question, so I asked her how far she was going.

And we chatted the rest of the way.  It was the most lovely ride!  She was from Athens and worked at the Athens Wellness Center as a fitness instructor, so we had plenty to talk about.  Before I knew it we had reached the 20 mile aid station.  I asked her if she was interested in 60 miles and she said she was, but that her mom and daughter were waiting on her for lunch.  I decided 40 miles with company was better than 60 miles alone, so I went with her.  It was the fastest 20 miles of my life.  It went by fast because we chatted the entire way, but we also kept a good speed.  It was much faster than I usually go and I had to work to stay with her - but I enjoyed that part too!

We finished our ride, exchanged information, and got ourselves stretched out by two chiropractors who had set up tables at the finish pavilion.  I sat at a picnic table in the shade for a bit and contemplated the gift that had been my new riding pal.  And the gorgeous day.  And the cool breeze that went away shortly after my ride was concluded.  I was thankful.

Upon returning home, however, all the feelings of thankfulness and joy that accompanied my ride began to drift away.  Sunday I found myself angry and aggravated at the state of things around me.  I did not enjoy church service, I did not want to sing, and I began allowing people and circumstances to feed my anger until I was just boiling.

What was my problem?  I could not figure it out, but I knew something needed to change and fast!  I'd talked to God about it and nothing had changed.  I tried to change my attitude and talk positively to myself, but nothing would stick.  So, I called my counselor and adviser, Mom. 

"Mom, you gotta counsel me," I said. "You've gotta lay it down and set me straight.  My attitude is wrong and I can't seem to get it right again."

So Mom asked me if the book she had ordered for me had come in. It had and I'd just opened the box a few minutes ago.  The book was "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  She told me to turn to page 136 and she read a bit to me.  

"You can't positive-think your way out of negative feelings....Feelings work faster than thoughts; blood runs faster than synapses. The only way to fight a feeling is with a feeling.  Feel thanks and it's absolutely impossible to feel angry.  We can only experience one emotion at a time.  And we get to choose - which emotion do we want to feel?"

My heart and soul perked up a little.  How could it be that Mom had ordered me a book that had come in just this weekend, and now she'd turned to the exact page I needed?  She said that the author had decided to count the gifts God had given her every time she began to feel something she did not want to feel.  Now there's much more to it than that (and I am now on page 38, so I'll be able to explain more eventually), but it is a great start for me.

Mom, as always, knew what to say.  She read that portion of the book and then addressed some of the things I had said were burning me up.  Before hanging up, we decided to e-mail each other every day with 5 gifts.  At first I thought every day might be excessive, but then I started counting...

I see that I've been an ungrateful little brat, to put it bluntly. A child with hands on hips, stomping one foot shaking her finger at God and saying, "This is NOT what I had in mind!"  And while these feelings rage on inside, there are things I know.  First, I know for a fact that God is wiser and smarter than me, and I definitely want things done His way.  No doubt about that. That doesn't mean I like it all the time, or that I will always act right, but at the end of the day (or tantrum), I know His will is what I want.  Second, I know He loves me with a love I cannot fathom...which is a good thing since I've been such an unlovable, ungrateful snit lately. 

And third, this gift counting thing just might work.  It will take some doing, of course. I can't change a spoiled brat overnight.  But I can change her.  As for the 5 gifts I'm sending Mom, here they are.  Of course, the list I'm not e-mailing is much, much longer...

1. A new friend on my bike ride Saturday.
2. The breeze that day and the perfection of the blue sky.
3. Jason's sweet words and kind eyes.
4. A wise mom who points me to God every day.
5. The book, "One Thousand Gifts."