I'm Not Done Writing

Well it has been a while! In my last post I was 22 weeks pregnant and now I have a sweet, precious, adorable baby boy! And you mamas know there are simply no words to describe the joy, the brightness, the amazing blessing it is to have a baby boy. A second child. Two precious amazing creations. My heart bursts on a daily basis. I know it is cheese Louise but there it is. My cup overflows. My bucket overflows!

My little guy (Matthew) was born on January 3, three days passed his due date. ACK! I had convinced myself I'd have him even earlier than Eloise who showed up at 39 weeks. So come Christmas Day, I expected a baby in hand... but it wasn't to be. I went a little crazy at first, but eventually made peace that God had a reason for the wait. I almost had a birthday baby, but instead I took my bundle home on my birthday, January 5. You can't beat that birthday present!

He's 12 weeks now and a smiley, talkative, squooshy little ball of fun. He sleeps like a champ (don't hate, but I've been spoiled by his sleep habits from our first night home).  He's a good eater and he doesn't fuss unless he's tired or hungry. Eloise loves him. She kisses him, talks to him, wants to hold him and gets anxious when I suck the snot out of his nose and he screams.

Eloise... she is an amazing, spitfire of a 2 year old. She's every bit of 2. Wonderful and horrible all at the same time. I love it all, though. Every stage, every challenge, every hilarious thing she says and does. She is such a bright, happy, funny girl and she brings me immeasurable joy.

So I guess you can see we are doing well.

And I'm running! Without a passenger and every time I set out I am so grateful! I remember LONGING for the moments I'm living today. Feet moving, heart pounding, lungs pumping, arms swinging, wind behind my ears... all of it. I raced quite a bit this pregnancy, my last race being my last real run on Thanksgiving Day - around 35 weeks pregnant. I began speed walking with wild abandon after that. I had to have caused a few grins from any neighbors who spotted me... had to. I made myself grin. But it kept me sane so on I walked.

Running post pregnancy this time around is different too. I have a better pace and I got it much sooner. I'm limiting mileage this time... taking my time in the building of it. I'm up to 5 miles but I've only done that once. I run 3-4 times a week, 3-5 miles. I do weights twice a week and that has made a huge difference I believe. My first 5k I ran 8 weeks post baby and my time was 25:37. Two weeks later I did another at 25:05. I was both surprised and excited about this. I'm hoping my next 5k has a 24 in front of my time. We shall see. I can't expect them all to be faster, but I'm going to work on that this summer.

I'm keeping my mileage short for a few reasons. I don't want to spend a lot of time doing it. I have two babies, after all, and I'm nursing one of them. I want to hang on to my milk supply and my energy. My little guy seems to have a milk allergy so I'm off dairy. That has been an aggravating challenge, but no matter how fed up I get with my food restrictions, I press on. It's worth it to me.

I also don't want to get injured. I've had a few new-runner-body issues and I've eased up a few times to let them work themselves out or heal. Mostly just an angry IT band. I'm enjoying my journey back so far and that is what matters the most. I plan to stick with 5ks and maybe a 10k or two for most of 2015. Jason and I sort of made a pact to do so, although we may throw in a 10 miler or two as well. I want to build pace before I cram in a lot of mileage. I focused solely on mileage after Eloise was born and I want a different strategy this time around.

For now, that's what's up! I've got to hurry off and get in my weight workout now, but I'll post pictures of Mr. Cuteness soon.  I made a New Year's Resolution to write at least once a week this year. I gave myself permission to get used to two kids for a while, and I think I'm there now.  So here we go...  a brand new adventure as a family of four, a mom of two, a full heart and a body ready to run!

Delight, Trust, and Pay Attention

A few days ago I caught sight of the 30/30 Challenge by Joyce Meyer.  I have never read any of her books or participated in her devotionals, but my heart was immediately drawn to the challenge to study my Bible for 30 minutes a day for 30 days and see what God would tell me.

The reason I wanted to start this study was because I was feeling like a bad friend.  It is so easy for me to forget the world around me, to lose focus on people in my life, and to focus only on what is immediately before me (usually Eloise and running).  I am not sure if that is my introverted-ness, laziness, or just part of being a mom, but it isn't good.  It is selfish and self-centered.  Relationships need to be nurtured.  Friendships require attention.  Same with my relationship with my Lord.  And I knew I was falling short.

I started my study in Proverbs because I remembered a verse in there about being a friend.  I used Jason's Bible because mine was in the car.  I found an unused journal and began my study, believing I knew what God would show me and that it would be related to what was currently on my mind.

Well, I'm on day 3 now, and while the Lord did get around to addressing my weakness, He did not start there.  He started by giving me a word each time I opened my Bible.  The first word was, "delight."  My study in Proverbs 1 and 2 led me to Psalms 1:16 - "his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night."  Proverbs 2 said I should look for his word as I would for silver and hidden treasure.  I should seek him with all of my heart and delight in him and in his word. I should, quite possibly, delight in him MORE than my training, my workout routine, my fitness or a race PR...

In my next study God told me to trust.  And that was the word he gave me.  Trust. Proverbs 3:4-5 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.  Verses 23-26 of that chapter spoke to me also, and to the fears I have had for a long time.  "Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.  When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.  Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence." I am to trust in my Lord because he is my confidence.  I never realized just how powerful a request that would be until I had Eloise.

And today my words were to, "Pay Attention."  It was a loving rebuke and it dealt with the feelings I had when I started the study.  In Proverbs 4 it says, "Pay attention and gain understanding... pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words... guard your heart..."  These phrases jabbed me in the ribs a little and so did the study in Jason's Bible that corresponded with that chapter.  It said we should live a "thoughtful life."  We should pay attention to our spiritual health, our relationships, our passion for the Lord.  These things require focus and attention, and I knew it was this I lacked.  I knew it when I started the study.

It is so easy to look at myself sometimes and say, "Well, that's just the way I am."  I'm an introvert.  I'm not crazy about people because they complicate my life.  It's okay not to have a lot of friends.  They probably don't need me, they have plenty of friends already.  I don't have the right words to say to help them... And blah blah blah, the list of excuses and reasons not to try goes on and on, convincing me I'm just fine the way I am.  Words like "selfish" and "self-centered" aren't welcomed into my descriptions because they aren't desirable or acceptable when claiming to follow Christ.

I'm not sure why it took a 30/30 challenge to get my attention, but I am thankful I started this and I don't intend to conclude it in 30 days.  I intend to make it a habit.  I intend to yearn for it like I do for a good run, for a quiet moment, for sleep, for food.  I intend to fill up on God's word and to put spiritual health above all other forms of it.  In several places in Proverbs, I have read how God's wisdom is "health to the body."  It makes me smile.  It is what I have been seeking, only I haven't been looking in all the right areas.

Join me!  Give this a shot.  I'm only on day 3 and I have already been so blessed!

Overcomer

Back in November I went to a Toby Mac concert with my sister and my niece.  I'm not really a concert person, but when I saw who all would be performing, I was pumped.  I love Toby Mac and I LOVE Mandisa. Before the concert I only knew a few of her songs and that she was on American Idol at some point.  Now I follow her on Facebook and I am regularly encouraged by what she has to say and by who she is.

My favorite favorite favorite song of hers was/is Overcomer and I listened to it often while training for and running the 50 miler in November.  God has been so good to me (why, I'm not sure) and I have not had to really overcome much in my 34 years of life so far.  But as many of you running moms know, getting back into running after having a child is not easy. I enjoyed the challenge, but it was tough and I wondered (and still do) if I'd ever be the runner I was before having Eloise.  Not that I was amazing or anything, but I'd worked hard to get where I was, and after pregnancy, recovery and motherhood... I just wasn't sure how in the world I'd get back there.  I still wonder.

So I approached the 50 miler never really believing I was trained, never being quite sure I could do it, doubting and telling myself untruths like, "You just aren't that kind of runner anymore, Jane."  But I did it.  And I didn't do half bad!

Then a month later came the Rocket City Marathon.  I signed up to run this race with my friend, Shannon, who was aiming for a 4:15.  Well... I was not recovered and Shannon had trained for a much faster marathon than what she'd first predicted.  But I wanted to be true to my word so on race day, I showed up ready to run with my friend.  At mile 16 she left me, as I told her she must if I couldn't keep up.  And then I had 10 lonely miles of tired legs and that little voice telling me, "You haven't trained for this.  You shouldn't be doing it.  You aren't this kind of runner anymore.  You are slow."  Etc. Etc. Etc.

So I replaced that little voice with the words of Mandisa's song, Overcomer.

"The same man, the Great I AM, the One who overcame death - He's living inside of you.  So just hold tight, fix your eyes on the one who holds your life. There's nothing He can't do..."

"Don't quit, don't give in, you're an overcomer.  Don't quit don't give in, you're an overcomer."  

"You're an overcomer.  Stay in the fight till the final round.  You're not going under..."

Sometimes I shake my head and think, "God doesn't care about your silly marathon time.  He's got starving, abused children to take care of!"  But His word tells me that He does and to bring it all to Him.  So I quieted all the doubt with this wonderful song and I finished that marathon strong.  It wasn't an impressive time and it wasn't a personal record, but because I knew how I felt out there and what I'd overcome, I was very happy with it.  And grateful.

That song was my theme for those months of training and racing and doubting and striving.  And any time those voices show up again, I play that song in my head or in my ears.  Being an overcomer isn't always about running, but because I am a runner I have seen that I can overcome.  I can overcome physical discomfort and distress, I can overcome the weather, I can overcome the desire to quit, I can overcome weariness.  So when those voices tell me other things like, "You aren't a very good friend.  You probably shouldn't have another child because you are too selfish.  You are so uninteresting, what could you possibly have to say?  You aren't devoted enough.  Go ahead and have another brownie. You are too tired today...."  I remind myself that I am an overcomer, with the Spirit of the One who overcame the world living in me.   And there's NOTHING He can't do!

I don't know Mandisa personally, but I love that girl.  Here's her song if you haven't heard it.  I guarantee you'll feel like conquering something if you give it a listen (or dancing or both).  Even if that something is just the dishes or the laundry or forgiving someone or being patient in traffic.  You're an overcomer too.

A Chat With My High School Self

I came across these pictures while looking through a box of old photographs the other day, and I laughed right out loud.  Back in the 10th grade, I was bored with running the mile in track and believing myself to be more an endurance runner than a sprinter, I decided (in all my youthful running wisdom) that the 300 meter hurdles were the answer.  (It's okay, you can laugh too.)

I had never run hurdles in my life... I didn't even know if I could run and jump!  And the kind, well-meaning football coach who also coached track and cross country wasn't quite sure what to do with me but to say okay and train me to run hurdles.  So when the first practice rolled around and I finally got up the nerve to actually jump over one of those things, I fell.  I fell hard and slid.  On pavement.  I had what looked like a melted jolly rancher on my hand for weeks, two skinned knees and a new found fear when I approached a hurdle.

But I did not give up. No sir. There was probably a high school boy who would be impressed by my hurdle jumping skills if I just stuck with it (and I'm sure he was after looking at that stellar form) and so Coach Newby and I kept training.  And while my form never really improved much and I still spent way too much time in the air, I started to catch up to some of the other girls on our track team who ran hurdles.  Coach Newby even suggested I start running the 100 meter hurdles (those are higher and closer together), and I finally agreed to train for those as well (while shaking in my running shoes).

The day before I was to run both the 300 meter and 100 meter hurdles in a meet, I went for a slow jog around my neighborhood because my legs were so sore.  And it wasn't jumping hurdles that put me on the ground, but a simple misstep off the curb.  I sprained my right ankle badly and was out for the rest of the season.  The next year I attended one track practice before deciding (as was my way back then) that swim team was more my thing (I had never ever ever attempted to swim fast any distance, any event... ever).

But now as I look at that picture and remember the high school girl who tried everything while never really being good at any of it and as I remember the things she used to worry about, I wish I could tell her some things.  I wish I could say, "You are capable of so much more than you realize.  In fact, you are going to do things you haven't even considered yet. You are going to run over 20 marathons and get much faster than you are now. You are going to run 50 miles and actually enjoy it. You are going to marry an amazing man. You are going to have a daughter. You are going to be comfortable in your own skin one day - yes, even with these legs you think are fat." 

And then when my high school self looked at my 34 year old self in disbelief and shook her head, I would nod and say again, "Yes, it's true. You are capable of so much more than you realize."

In high school and even college, I was chasing after something more while never really believing I'd actually catch it, and I wish wish wish I could just tell that girl, "You are going to catch it ALL and then keep going!"  I wish I could tell her to have faith, REAL faith, because God, as He has promised, will come through in ways that far surpass her hopes and imagination.

But... at the end of the day, all I can do is look at that picture and smile at my high school self.  I can try to take whatever wisdom my 34 years have granted me and continue to grow. I can try to be someone my 64 year old self will like, and I can try to impart what little I know to my daughter so maybe she'll be braver and stronger than I was.  This little chat I'd have with myself is not to say I'm some sort of amazing creature now. No, there are many who have and will do so much more than anything I've mentioned here.

I guess the point is to remember that the limits we place on ourselves don't have to stick, to take a look at who we are now and realize it's not the end of the road.  And maybe my high school self could tell me a thing or two as well.  Maybe she'd look at her 34 year old self and say, "Don't be afraid to take on those hurdles.  Even if you think you might fall and even if your form is way off, jump anyway."

Holiday Grace

I don't usually think/indulge/entertain/do anything Christmasy until December 1.  It has been my die-hard rule ever since I was an adult living on my own.  On that day I let loose and watch the movies and listen to the music and decorate and make Christmas shopping lists, peruse Pinterest for all the things I'd love to bake but probably won't, etc., but not a moment sooner.  My reason for that is I get tired of it too soon if I start too soon.  But...today... November 13... I watched a Christmas movie on Netflix.  I actually haven't finished it yet, but I started it whilst folding clothes with Eloise.  Yep.  I did.  And I'm already allowing myself to wonder how I'm going to decorate for Christmas with "Reachy and Grabby" (a.k.a. Eloise) living here.  And I have my Christmas shopping list started... Don't make fun of me because you could very well be on it.

Okay... Black Friday haters... goodness me!  I love Thanksgiving.  I love the food and the family and the hiking and the fall weather and the thankfulness.  And I am thankful!  With tears in my eyes and a heart full of all the things I don't deserve, I am thankful.  But there is something I enjoy about getting up early, not to run mind you, but to shop with my sister and my mom (or some years with my Mom-in-law).  I love this. It is more about scoring a deal on someone's Christmas present or maybe a new sweater than about grabbing everything I can get my hands on, elbowing people out of the way, and pulling hair over the last Play Station 400.  There is just something exciting to me about the crowds up at 5:00 a.m., not for a race mind you, but to find a deal!  I can't speak to what their motives are, but I know mine and it is a time of bonding with my favorite women.  We laugh, we shop, we drink peppermint mochas and eat something savory and calorific for breakfast.  We get excited when we find a find for $5.00 off, and I come home with a few presents to put under my tree and a few pennies saved.

Christmas 07 - two kids and their toys

That brings me to Christmas.  Again, what is with the people who think we are all greedy, glutinous, horrible people because we like Christmas?  It isn't about the STUFF!  It is about the family time, the pretty decorations, the warmth, the love, the giving, the sweets and yes, it is about Jesus Christ for some of us.  Those who judge harshly and say we shouldn't celebrate His birth because it is a pagan holiday and if we do celebrate, we are doing it incorrectly because we like to give gifts to our loved ones and put up a Christmas tree... what I want to know is how do THEY know what God is thinking about it?  And how do they know the state of my heart when I participate?  And how do they know what God thinks of my heart and participation?  Whoa.  Talk about being big for your britches!

I think the Black Friday thing and the Christmas thing need balance, sure.  And I also believe we don't know the hearts and motives behind everyone's reason for celebrating what and how they celebrate (unless we sit down with them over coffee and inquire).

You know what I think we all need?  MORE GRACE!  Give your fellow man a break.  This age of social media has allowed us to share opinions and thoughts with the world (our 685 friends) that can be awfully harsh to our "friends" and the funny thing is, those brazen, outspoken souls who post judgmental know-it-all ugliness probably wouldn't say that if sitting with me or you over coffee.  And that's just it.  If you haven't taken a moment to sit with me over coffee and ask me why I do what I do, how can you say I'm wrong and horrible and greedy and a Black Friday shopping heathen?

So here's what I think.  I'm sharing my two cents for the world (my 3 readers).  Maybe instead of figuring out why everyone else is so wrong this holiday season, we should dole out an extra helping of grace with our turkey and dressing.  Don't be so arrogant as to assume you know what is up in our heads as we set our alarms for 4:45 a.m. not to run mind you, but to shop with our faves.  Maybe if we get all excited over our Christmas tree lights, you should not assume we don't try to love and honor Christ every single day of our lives.  Grace.  Humility.  Love.  Those are some gifts you can give to all of us Black-Friday-shopping-Christmas-present-buying-pagan-Christ-followers. 

And now that I've had my say, I will return to my clothes folding and premature enjoyment of "The Christmas Kiss." 

Butterflies and Bunny Counts

It is springtime in July around here and this girl who is already longing for fall is LOVING it.  Some mornings (like today) it is the only thing that gets me out of bed, out the door, and down the road with my running shoes on.  Lovely, lovely weather.

Yesterday on my morning run I saw the most GLORIOUS sunrise.  I'm talking amazing.  Hot pink, orange, purple, and a few shades of blue all over the place.  I changed my route in order to be able to look at it longer.  It was beautiful.  Then I came home and checked on my caterpillars.  I have four in a butterfly house.  I posted a picture on Facebook of one eating my cilantro, and I left him to it because he was pretty. 

Well a friend and butterfly enthusiast quickly wrote that it was a Black Eastern Swallowtail and that I should keep him.  He also said my caterpillar might have pals and how to spot them.  Sure enough, there were 3 others on my plant.  I borrowed my sister's butterfly house and put them all in it with plenty of cilantro and parsley, refreshing it as they ate.

I named them Fred, Wilma, Pebbles and Bam Bam, and yesterday morning Wilma had cocooned (called a chrysalis).  It was so cool to see!  What was once this brightly colored BIG caterpillar was now this small brown blob (the cocoons look way too small to me to house the fat caterpillar that makes it).  

I have no idea how long they will stay in there, but this morning I checked and Fred was a cocoon as well.  I put more cilantro in the house for Pebbles and Bam Bam, and Bam stuck his horns out at me.  Bright orange things that come out of their heads.  They also release a scent but I couldn't smell anything. 

As I admired the critters in the butterfly house in amazement, I heard a noise behind me and turned to see a humming bird inspecting one of my flowering plants.  I love humming birds.  And I have so enjoyed these few days of cool temps, beautiful sunrises, and God's creation.  I'm currently at a 15 bunny sighting record for my runs (I keep count in the mornings), and that always makes me smile. No matter how many of them I see and how often I see them, it is fun every single time. 

I know all of this isn't just for me but sometimes when I am running alone in the quiet morning, it seems like it might be.  Like God is saying, "Good morning, child.  Look what I made today."  And I respond with how much I like it and how beautiful it is and thank you for sharing it with me. 

In other news, my baby girl (my most FAVORITE of God's creations) is turning 1 year old this week.  HOW it is already here, I have no idea.  She has one tooth and is starting to walk!  She loves swimming and playing in the tub and animals.  I'm planning a farm-themed birthday party and... about 20 people are coming.  Ha!  But it has consumed me most of this week so far and I love it.  I think I might be sad when it is over.

I've read some really good articles lately that I've wanted to post here (if I can find them), and I want to talk about the book I am reading (Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World), and how I am drinking in all things Dr. James Dobson right now in prep for the strong will of my baby girl, which is already making itself known. But that will have to wait.  For now, it is back to party planning and preparation.

May God show you BEAUTIFUL things today, my friends, and may you have your eyes open to see it when He does. 

Fear and Trembling

I cried the night of the election.  I had gone to bed before the results were in so when Eloise woke up to eat I pulled them up on my phone.  Obama had surpassed the 270 necessary votes to win the presidency and as I rocked my baby girl back to sleep, I cried.  I was shocked and so very disappointed and I asked God why, why, why.  When I crawled back into bed I woke Jason up and told him I was afraid.  I took his arm, pulled him close and cried some more. 

I was afraid for our country, afraid for our safety, afraid for my baby girl.  I desperately wanted Mitt Romney to win.  Not only do I believe he is a good and moral man, I believed he would steer our country in a better direction (or many better directions I should say).  I hoped he would protect us more solidly against other nations seeking to do us harm.  I believed he would protect the freedoms I have enjoyed in my life and those I hoped would belong to my baby girl.  And I really believed our country would not vote for another term with Obama.  There was no way after the 4 years we've had that anyone would think our country could withstand another 4 years.  And now that we've in fact voted him in... it causes me to be afraid.

I know I'm not supposed to worry.  I know God has written again and again in His word that I am not to fear.  I know He is with me and I hope He is still with this country I love.  The morning after the election I was surprisingly encouraged by all the posts on Facebook.  There were many uplifting scriptures posted and even though there was disappointment behind every word, there was still hope. I'm trying not to be afraid. I know my faith is weak if I have let fear and worry permeate my soul to such a degree and I plan to renew my love of God's word, rev up my prayer time, and build my faith to greater heights than it has ever been.  And I plan to raise Eloise to love the Lord and to hopefully have a faith much stronger than that of her mother's. No matter what happens in this life, if her faith is intact, she will be okay - much more than okay, actually.

While I believe in God's sovereignty and I believe He can rescue this nation, I still do not think America made a wise choice.  I think Americans have buried their heads in the sand, gotten lazy, and believed what they have seen and heard without asking enough (or the right) questions.  Instead of working for it, taking care of each other and taking responsibility for bad decisions, we are willing to throw up our hands and let the government do it all for us.  We want to foolishly believe other countries will leave us alone if we leave them alone and that we need to just accept everyone and they will in turn accept us.  I'm not sure how much worse it has to get for us to open our eyes but I pray our country can withstand it. 

Freedom is a beautiful word, a beautiful thing.  Each day I have it, each day I hold my baby girl in my arms and coax a smile from that sweet face, I bask in it.  I'm trying to let faith, hope and love chase away the fear and trembling in my soul.  I'm trying not to worry about tomorrow.  I'm trying not to overly treasure the things of this world - even my freedom.  I'm thankful for every blessed day I have been given, every sweet moment with Eloise and Jason, every lovely mile run on a beautiful fall day.  I'm thankful to know my Lord and Savior and to be able to call on Him when my heart is heavy.  And I'm still praying for this land I love, that it may always be the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Running and Raising the Napless Wonder

Hi Friends!  I really don't like going as long between blog posts, but these days I never know when I'll get a chance to write about all the important, oh-so-interesting things going on in my life. But please don't give up on me!  I'm not quitting, just having longer pauses.

So let's talk first about running since this is a running blog after all, and I am getting back to it!  Most of the time it is absolutely great.  With the fall weather upon us, my runs are stronger and more enjoyable each day and I am slowly getting closer to wear I used to be, which feels great both physically and mentally. From time to time I have a few runs that are just hard and it can be a tad discouraging, but my wonderful husband encourages me to push through it and just keep running, so I do. 

In August I ran 18 miles.  ha!  In September I ran 68 miles.  In October I ran 114 miles, and I hope to increase that even more in November.  When December gets here, depending on my consistency and running pace, I will change from base-building to actual training for my half-marathon in March.  I'm not sure what I will race before/after that, but for now that is what I have on the calendar.  And I am excited!

Today I had a GREAT run.  I took two days off because I was fighting off the beginnings of mastitis and let's face it, when your chest hurts you don't really want things bouncing around or crammed into a sports bra, so I just rested.  That meant today's run was good and strong, giving me my fastest 6 mile time since Eloise was born.  I ran 6.1 miles in 55:27 with splits reading 9:01, 9:25, 9:21, 9:04, 8:51, 8:57.  I am really happy with that. 

My runs usually range from 4-6 miles each day with 2 days off most weeks due to lack of sleep finally catching up to me or there being no way to fit it into the day.  I got up to 7 miles last week with Mom and that was really fun.  We took it easy, but hit several hard hills along the way. 

And the Napless Wonder, also known as Eloise, is 3 months old!  It is hard to believe so much time has passed and it will soon be Thanksgiving and then Christmas (two more changes for fun firsts in my baby girl's life)... and then 2013! 

So, Eloise doesn't nap.  And really, since she sleeps pretty well most nights I guess I will take it.  She usually falls asleep in my arms a few times each day, but when I try to lay her down her eyes pop open and she is immediately wide awake and ready to go.  It is crazy.  I have a routine/schedule and I pick up on when she is starting to get tired at set times each day.  I give her the pacifier and rock her in her room and she usually falls asleep, but in order for her to stay that way she has to be held.  That means chores, work out videos, blogging, etc. do not get done as easily as I thought they would, but we are making it.  Eloise goes from her chair to her swing to the front pack (the backpack thing that goes on the front), to being held.  When Mom comes, I get to squeeze in a run or some chores, and I take her to my sister's once or twice a week to run as well.  But wow.  I thought babies slept!

A few days ago I tried the cry-it-out method just to see if it would work.  I got Eloise to sleep and put her down in her bassinet.  She woke up as usual, so I patted her and put the paci back in her mouth.  Then I hopped in the shower.  I could hear her, but figured it would be short.  I got out of the shower, dried my hair and got dressed, all the while listening to her cry (vehemently) and going in to pat her every few minutes.  After 35 minutes, I'd had enough.  There is no way I'm cut out for that method and to me, it just doesn't seem right to let her get that upset.  We will figure this nap thing out, but it won't be that way!  I felt like the meanest person on the planet!

Most of the time our days are simply wonderful and I still can't believe that this little life is mine.  I mean, she belongs to the Lord, of course, but He has intrusted her with me and I can't believe it.  I also can't believe that a little over 3 months ago, this little girl wasn't here and now all of a sudden there is this life, this soul, this heartbeat and she is mine... I guess parents get used to this eventually...?

And now for some cuteness.  Enjoy!

Eloise Jane was a tiger for her first Halloween

And this is how I decorated my trunk at our church's annual Trunk-or-Treat event

The fam at Jason's work picnic - Eloise 13 weeks!

Hanging with her cousins, Thor and the Karate Kid on Halloween (and just so you know, that girl is really a green belt!)

Because I think my baby girl is just beautiful.

Singing to Eloise

Singing to Eloise has become so much more than simply singing my baby girl to sleep.  When I first started singing to her I could hardly finish a song without getting choked up by the words and the love I felt for this new little person who now belonged to me.  Gratefulness would well up inside, overwhelming me and I would pause, swallow, and whisper the words until my voice returned.  As time passed, however, I got to where I could finish most of the songs, although I still get choked up from time to time even now.

When I ran out of songs I could remember in my head, I asked Mom if she had any old hymnals.  She had two and she brought them to me.  I had so much fun looking through them and singing bits and pieces of several old favorites to Eloise.  I was so excited to remember them all, I could hardly settle on one before I was drawn to another old favorite and then another and another.  Not only were the words of these precious songs a balm for my tired and sometimes worried mind, turning the event of rocking Eloise to sleep into a time of devotion, but they brought so many sweet memories to the surface as well.

One minute I would be sitting in my home church, Jenks Avenue Church of Christ in Panama City, FL, the place that will always be dearest to my heart as it was the place I first REALLY believed and wanted to spend my life following Christ.  I have so many dear people and sweet memories of that place and so many songs to remind me of it.

The next moment I am at Camp Wiregrass in Enterprise, AL.  I was a camper and then a counselor from the 2nd grade through my college years and the songs I sing to Eloise take me to the chapel there surrounded by woods, sitting shoulder to shoulder on a hot summer morning with some of the best people in this world.

Another moment I am at the Auburn Christian Student Center sitting among 200 or so of my college peers and fellow Christians, singing at the top of our lungs to the Lord we loved.  The two years I spent there were two of my all time favorite and as I sing the songs of that time, I smile down at my baby girl hoping the same wonderful college experience for her.

I even spend a few minutes in China where, to combat loneliness and culture shock I would sit in the floor of my apartment, open my "borrowed" devotional book from the Auburn Christian Student Center, and sing and sing and sing until my soul felt closer to home even as I was so far away. When my Chinese students asked me to sing, those were the songs I chose.

The words to these sweet songs make me smile because many of them are very old fashioned, but that just makes them all the more dear.  Like sitting and talking with my grandfather who loved old poetry, they make me feel safe, loved, and watched over.  "And He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own..."

"Love so amazing, so divine demands my soul, my life, my all."

"Who knows your disappointments?  Who hears each time you cry?  Who understands your heartache? Who dries the tears from your eyes? Do you know my Jesus?  Do you know my friend?  Have you heard He loves you and that He will abide 'till the end?"

"How sweet to hold a newborn baby and feel the pride and joy (s)he gives, but greater still that calm assurance, this child can face uncertain days because He lives.  Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone, because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives." 

"Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling."

"Have we trials and temptations?  Is there trouble anywhere?  We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share?  Jesus knows our every weakness:  Take it to the Lord in prayer."

"Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come, t'was grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."

"Never let me wander from thee, never leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."

"My God and I go in the field together, we walk and talk as good friends should and do; we clasp our hands, our voices ring with laughter, my God and I walk through the meadow's hue..."

"Love one another for love is of God, he who loves is born of God and knows God, he who does not love does not know God, for God is Love. God is Love."

And the list goes on and on and on as the words speak to my soul, warm my heart and become a prayer for the little girl in my arms.  I hope she learns some of these older songs along with the the new.  I hope she has so many wonderful memories with friends who love God as much as she hopefully will.  I hope she chooses to follow Him all of her life, and I hope I will teach her in the way God would have me.  I hope she sees how much I love Him and try to be like Christ in all I do.  I fail all the time, but I won't stop trying all the same.  As I sing I pray for my baby girl, this land in which she will grow, her safety.  I say thank you again and again and again because I want my God to KNOW, really know how much I love this gift He has given me. 

I love singing to Eloise.  I don't have the best voice and I can't reach the high notes and I mix up the first and second verses of many of the songs, and I'm sure I sing off key as well.  But sing on I shall because singing to Eloise is really so much more than simply singing to Eloise.

The Spirit-filled Run

Both my small group and my Sunday morning class have been studying Romans.  This is one of my favorite books, full of many things I love to hear and many things I'm still trying to understand, so I always enjoy hanging out there.  One Sunday morning in class I had my Bible open to the chapter in Romans we were studying and as I glanced down I noticed a little devo on the next page.  It talked about how we don't often know what we should say or how to say what we should say when talking to God.  We have questions and thank yous and requests and we try to keep our thoughts neatly organized and devoted to the act of prayer but... it doesn't always work.

But then the writer reminded the reader that we don't always have to have our prayers in a nice, neat, orderly package for God.  We have this wonderful Holy Spirit that He left us with, that will intercede for us (Romans 8:26-27).  I never really understood that.  I mean I sort of grasped it but, I wasn't sure what the Spirit was or would say that I wasn't or couldn't say.

After my run the other night, however, I think I caught a glimpse of what it means for the Holy Spirit to talk to God for me, to tell Him what I'm trying to say.  I had just finished running, something I feel even more grateful for during these ever-changing days of pregnancy, and I was walking slowly, cooling down.  I felt triumphant to have started and finished my run, I felt good and refreshed.  I was thrilled to be pregnant with a little one, thrilled to be married to such a wonderful man who would be such a great dad too.  I was enjoying the warmer temperatures immensely, feeling more alive with the coming of spring.  As I began to tell God all these things and just how grateful I was and that I knew I was undeserving, which made me even more grateful, I looked up (which sort of makes sense to me when praying) and saw a sky glittering with stars.  My thoughts and prayers were interrupted by the beauty above and then I was grateful for that too!  Undeserving and thankful and happy and excited and hopeful and overwhelmed trying to get my point across to my amazing Creator Who would take time to listen to me...

And I just couldn't.  I didn't have enough words to cover the feelings.  Then I remembered Romans and what I had read about the Spirit.  So smiled and admired the stars again and decided that the point had been made.  God knew and understood, and what I couldn't say had been said for me as my heart would say it. It could all be jumbled up into this mass of undeserving overwhelmed happiness and joy, and God would know what I meant.

Now, I'm not a Bible scholar.  So if that is not what Paul meant when he wrote about the Spirit, then I'll be right back at square one of not really getting it, but knowing and believing the Spirit is in me, doing Its (His?) thing.  But if the Spirit can handle my weakness and groanings... I have a feeling all those other things can be communicated as well.  So I'll just add that to my jumbled up mass of gratefulness too.

Running for the Holidays

I love my daily Garfield comic.  Especially around Christmas time because he is always up to something hilarious having to do with this most fun holiday season.  And like Garfield, I am always thinking about it and planning for it - my gift purchases, gag gifts for dirty Santa (Jason and I had a pretty good laugh about that last night), cookie baking, Christmas tree decorating, office parties, watching Caroline in The Nutcracker ballet, and writing Christmas cards.  Then there's looking forward to Christmas Day, and I'm like a 5 year old on Christmas Eve...beginning as soon as December gets here.

And now the countdown is on!  Only 9 more work days and 16 days total until Christmas.  I don't know how I'm supposed to concentrate at work.  I'm already planning to spend my lunch break getting a few last minute items and present wrapping tonight. 

There's also running during the holidays.  I love this time of year because when I am on vacation, I can run whenever I want!  I can still go early in the morning with the girls (and the promise of a nap later) or I can wait until the sun is high and the temperature is as warm as its going to get, and run then.  I can run long or short or twice a day if I want.  And lets face it, with all the Christmas goodies, a few extra miles in the sunshine is definitely warranted!

This past weekend was what would have been the 50 mile.  I thought of it Friday when Jason and I would have been headed to Florida, and I thought of it Saturday as I drove to meet Shannon for a brisk morning run and then as I met with my first Running Start client after that.  Sunday I realized I would have been recovering and wondered what the aftermath would have been.  But even as I thought all of these things, I was not sad.  Was it the Christmas season?  The fact that my knee seemed a little less angry?  Something else?  I like to think it was a little of everything with God's grace mixed in.  I think He knows the desires of our hearts and what brings us joy.  And despite the fact that I gave up the goal this time around, I still feel so blessed, so taken care of and watched over. 

So I'm not sad.  And my knee isn't either.  And as the holidays approach I will be able to run in the sunshine on a cool winter's day.  That's pretty great.  So is this second Garfield comic.

 

Hilarious!  Here's hoping you are all looking forward to some GREAT running for the holidays!

Sunrise Surprise

This morning when the alarm went off, it was a little harder to get out of bed.  I hadn't made plans with my girls, so I had no one to which I'd be accountable.  No one but myself and how I'd feel later in the day when the rain came and I had not run.  I knew I'd be mad at myself so up I got.  Eventually.

It was a little later than usual but still dark in the house.  I was not looking forward to a solo run in the dark, but figured I'd stay in my neighborhood until it got light enough for me to feel comfortable venturing out. I changed into my running digs, strapped on my watch, and kissed my sleeping husband good-bye before leaving.  The morning was chilly, but not cool enough to warrant more than a short sleeved top and shorts.

I walked lazily to the end of my driveway as I usually do, started my watch and turned right.  And there it was.  The purple and dull pink of a sunrise.  A brand new, just beginning sunrise.  With the morning darkness as the only thing coming in my bedroom windows, I had assumed it was still completely dark outside.  This newly awakened sunrise was a beautiful surprise.

I turned my ipod to my current warm-up song, "Hold Me Together" by Royal Tailor, and ran facing east with the words of this song playing sweet and low in my ears.  It was yet another of those magical morning moments and I soaked it in.

I faced east for quite a while so that I was constantly running into the ever changing and brightening sky.  It was brilliant to watch.  It unfolded and unfurled until it eventually exploded into an amazing neon orange across the sky.  It was as if God had taken his pack of oils dipped his thumb into the neon carrot shade and smeared it across the sky.  With love.  For me. (If you know your Crayola crayons, you know what color that is.)

As I turned north, I glance several times to my right, afraid to miss one second of this light show.  Even looking straight ahead, however, it was hard to miss as the bright orange spread across the entire sky like a spilled bucket of paint, smudging into hues of pink and red at the edges.  With a backdrop of a light blue morning sky, this view was breathtaking.

Due to my late start, I had to hurry home and start the mad rush that was getting ready for work.  It was worth it, though.  My sunrise surprise had made my day and I had visions of it throughout with the words of my warm-up song still singing gently in my ears.

I'm feeling stronger with You by my side

I realize You are my Home...